The Philosophy of Self
by TaikoHawk
Summary: They told him he was Sasuke. Was he mad to believe they were wrong? Optional sequel now up
1. Chapter 1

_Hello all, it's been a while, eh? Well, I'm back. This fic is a little different from my most recent jag of Naruto fics. It's more alike in tone to 'Illuminating' than 'Shades.' At least at first. It'll probably evolve into some action later on, but the first several chapters are a lot of thinking and stuff. Fair warning._

_This is the first fic I've let my beau (heh. funny word_) _beta. I'm making him read/watch Naruto, but he's being a little slow about it, so he's not completely caught up. So that means that he doesn't edit as much for content as he does for grammar, spelling, and ease-of-understanding. So any errors of a purely Naruto-nature are my own, as are any lingering technical mistakes. I do my best to get all the corrections he marks into my hard-copy, but I might miss some._

_Because of the very cerebral nature of this fic, I've had to alter how I've formatted it a little. Usually I denote emphasis as italics, but with a few different levels of thought going on, I've had to change this to bold-type. It's not my favorite way to show emphasis, but it's the way that works best with my other formatting. Sorry if it bothers you like it does me._

_ANYWAY. On with the show. Please read and review. And don't worry if you're somewhat confused at first; so are all the characters, and this is from their point of view. Things'll start to make more sense as we go._

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

_ I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough for your expectations._

_ I was never as strong as you…_

_ But I am strong enough to give you this._

* * *

He woke, flat on his back, limbs twitching. This was wrong. This felt wrong, this couldn't be… There was too much sound, too much light. The floor pressed on his body harshly.

He inhaled sharply and coughed on the cold air that rushed into his throat and lungs. Or was it hot? His lungs burned…

Opening his eyes, he hissed and narrowed them. This was wrong. Too bright, everything jagged and sharp. His eyes tracked oddly, double vision wavering in and out.

He just managed to roll over before he vomited.

_:Poison?: _he thought, and nearly screamed at the clamor of noise and pain that went up in his mind.

This wasn't right, this couldn't be right.

He had to get out of here. It was dangerous.

His limbs were still spasming, jerking in movements he didn't command, but he managed to get his feet under him with the help of a table nearby. Hands pressed at the cold metal surface, clutched. Cloth brushed his knuckles, reaching fingers touched… Cold, yielding. Flesh.

There was a body on the table.

It was him. _Itwasn'thim_. It was…

He leaned over and vomited again, trembling.

His mind spun, and the world around him spun with it. He couldn't… couldn't concentrate. Thinking just made jags of pain lance through his head, temple to temple. All he knew was that something was very, very wrong. And that he needed to get out of there. Immediately.

The ground seemed to pitch and roll under his step like a ship at high sea. Slowly, deliberately, measuring each step against the nausea and the spasms and the twitching, he made his way out of the room.

Dazed, it didn't occur to him to wonder where his slowly plodding feet were taking him. It didn't occur to him to wonder where he was. He knew he had to leave, and that was enough.

He **had** to leave. It wasn't safe. He had to get as far away as he could.

* * *

Things calmed down, a little, once he was under the thick canopy of the forest outside. The sound of the wind in the trees, and the smell of earth and green growing things were familiar.

Belonging. This was right, being among the leaves…

Controlling his body became easier with each step, but the strong sense of disorientation remained, and kept his movements tentative.

He kept moving, though. It was the only thought in him, besides the maddening static that his last lingering spark of Reason called 'Delirium.'

_:Still not safe. Have to keep going, have to keep moving.:_

* * *

Stupid with confusion and exhaustion, he didn't notice there were others in the forest until they had seen him.

"Sasuke!"

The cry jerked his head up from the fierce contemplation of the ground (_there, step there next_), and he froze. Three people—no, no, more than three—perched in the trees around him. But the three…

They jumped down from the branches, moving in swift blurs.

His senses failed him. His eyes tried to track them, but couldn't. The world bucked.

He crashed to the ground. There was nothing left in his stomach to bring up, so he just retched dryly until the earth was steady under him once more. He ignored the voices that rose, and the wave of Delirium that washed against his mind.

"Sasuke?" a voice, closer now, gentler. Hands on him, and only then did he realize he was shaking, with the steadiness of those hands to play counterpart to his tremors.

He looked up, saw a woman's face set with a contradictory combination of wariness and concern. At the end of his meager strength, he collapsed, unconscious.

* * *

Sakura waited outside the hospital room while, inside, Tsunade examined a still-unconscious Sasuke. Beside her, Naruto fairly radiated impatience, while across the hallway Kakashi had his little orange book out with every appearance of nonchalance. It was exactly how she would have expected them to act in this situation. But her own response confused her a little.

_:I still can't believe we finally found him. And I can't believe how easy it was to bring him back.: _ Sakura shifted uneasily. _:I can't help but feel like something's wrong with all this…:_

The door opened, and Tsunade came out into the hallway. Sakura straightened, and Naruto bounced forward.

"Well?" he demanded.

"Severe chakra exhaustion," Tsunade said. Sakura frowned, but nodded slowly, having seen the signs herself.

"What? That's **it**?" Naruto demanded. "Did you **listen** to our report? He was sicker than… than… He was sick! I don't think he even **recognized** us!"

Kakashi stirred, put a calming hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"His symptoms are consistent with chakra depletion," Sakura said. She hesitated, looked at Tsunade. "But I agree with Naruto. He looked more ill than can be accounted for by simple chakra exhaustion."

Tsunade folded her arms and leaned a shoulder against the hospital room's door. "It isn't that I don't trust your judgment, either of you, but…" She shrugged. "I can't find anything else physically wrong with him."

All eyes focused on the door, as if they could see through it to the black-haired patient lying quiescent on the bed inside.

"There is good news," the Godaime Hokage offered. "There is no sign of Orochimaru's seal, no taint of foreign chakra in his body."

"But we'll still have him watched, I expect," Kakashi murmured. He held up defensive hands as Tsunade shot a glare at him. "I don't necessarily disagree with the idea."

"We don't know exactly what happened," Tsunade said, grumpily. "He disappeared after killing his brother; we don't know what happened so that he was staggering around the forest, as you found him. And after what he's done… We're not going to take chances. I don't want any complaints."

"Understood," they said.

"Sakura," Tsunade said. The roseate-haired medic looked up. "You'll be the attending on this case, but I want you to report regularly to both myself and Shizune."

Sakura looked momentarily surprised, and then uncomfortable. After a longish pause, in which Tsunade watched the evolution of emotion across her face, Sakura spoke hesitantly: "Shishou… Is it… wise, putting me so close to this?"

_:Don't you think I'm compromised, when it comes to Sasuke?:_ She wouldn't say it outright, but Naruto and Kakashi averted their eyes, sensing her meaning anyway. Tsunade lifted an eyebrow.

"I believe you will be capable of maintaining your objectivity. And… I think you might be the least antagonistic liaison for Sasuke to interface with."

That much was certainly true. If they tried to assign any other medic to him, Sasuke would be sure to act as uncooperative as possible, and that medic would probably be too intimidated by the 'traitor Uchiha' to do anything about it. But he **might** behave himself with Sakura. Maybe. Tsunade said 'the **least** antagonistic.' That qualifier was telling.

Sakura looked down, biting her lip thoughtfully. If it was indeed only chakra exhaustion, then he'd only be in the hospital a couple of days. After that, ANBU would take charge of him, and he'd be out of Sakura's hands. Surely she could manage that.

"Alright, Shishou. I'll be the attending," she said. Tsunade gave a small, smug smile.

"Are you sure, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked worriedly, evidently unable to keep from piping up. "I mean—"

"Don't worry, Naruto." The blond fell silent as Sakura interrupted him. She lifted her chin and let them see her set, determined expression. "I can do it."

* * *

He woke, and wished he hadn't. The static rose again in his mind, a jumble of words, images, memories. His vision had settled down, though, he found as he opened his eyes and his surroundings didn't jump and swim.

"Sasuke?" The voice was familiar. Hoping his motor-functions had improved along with his sight, he turned his head to see a pink-haired, green-eyed girl watching him with a furrowed brow. She said, again, "Sasuke?"

He blinked, eyebrows twitching together. Why was she…? The screen of one of the machines beside the bed was reflective, from his angle. He looked at it, and saw a face that was very familiar. But it… wasn't his face?

Delirium lapped at his sanity. _:Wrongwrongwrong.:_ That wasn't his face, he was…

"Sasuke?" Alarmed. "Are you okay?"

He realized he was gripping the sheets over his chest, knuckles white, and panting harshly, almost wheezing. He forced his hand open and took a few ragged, deep breaths. The girl, medic, was hovering over him, poised to bring her healing chakra to bear. She watched, hawk-eyed, as he calmed himself. In a roughened voice, he said:

"Haruno… Sakura?"

Confusion, then a shadow of anger passed over her face. "Yes," she said waspishly. "You do remember who I am, right?"

There was a biting tone to the question he didn't quite understand. He said, haltingly: "We… fought, once."

A pause. Then, stiffly, "I suppose we did, after a fashion."

"I…" he trailed off, closing his eyes. She called him Sasuke. Was that right? No… But…

"Where am I?" he asked, trying desperately to quiet the roaring in his ears.

"Konoha. The hospital; you have severe chakra exhaustion."

Chakra exhaustion; that made sense. He was so tired. He'd been fighting…

But the memory of the one he'd been fighting had the same face that he was wearing right now. Was that right? Memory told him that the face was Sasuke's… But he wasn't Sasuke. So then, why…?

"I don't understand," he murmured to himself. Haruno heard, and thought he spoke to her.

"We found you, sick with exhaustion, in the forest. Don't you remember, Sasuke?" There was a note of incredulity creeping into her voice.

"But I'm… not Sasuke," he said.

Her face went slack with surprise.


	2. Chapter 2

_Big thank you to all who reviewed the first chapter! So, I'm kind of intending to update this twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays), since the chapters are shorter than my norm. Of course, we all know how dependable such intentions are (coughcoughnotatallcough), but I'll try.  
_

_So. Here we are with chapter two._

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

* * *

"Do you think he's lying?"

Sakura scowled and scrubbed her hands through her hair. "While I admit that Sasuke is capable of lying very convincingly—he's a ninja after all—I don't think this was a lie. He sounded too confused. Sasuke would never admit to being so lost, even if he was feeling it. And… Sasuke is very prideful. He wouldn't see the need to lie in the first place."

Tsunade tapped her fingers thoughtfully against her desk. "Of course," she muttered. Sakura waited.

"Obviously, he looks like Sasuke," Tsunade said. "More telling, his DNA matched that which we have on record for Sasuke."

"Do you think he could be a clone of some sort?" Sakura asked hesitantly. She wasn't sure if such a thing was possible—what ninja called clones, bunshin, were illusory, and did not have DNA. But, Sasuke had spent years studying under Orochimaru, who was known for his mad-hat biological experiments. Maybe…

_:But he recognized me,: _Sakura thought. _:Unless Orochimaru could clone memories as well as bodies, then it _is _Sasuke.:_

"Mmph," Tsunade said. "Or he might just be suffering from amnesia."

"Oh," Sakura said, blushing a little. Faced with a simple, logical solution made her theory seem… silly. Then she frowned. "But you said nothing physically was wrong with him."

"Nobody is quite sure what causes amnesia. It might not be detectable by physical means. Perhaps it is psychological. Perhaps something happened that Sasuke's mind has locked away, to protect his sanity."

Feeling frustrated and thus a little prickly, Sakura grumbled: "What sanity?"

Tsunade's lips twitched, but she grew solemn once again. "I would like to check for psychological trauma, but… I hesitate to send a Yamanaka into his mind. If he is lying, or even if he isn't and he just perceives it as a threat, he could trap them. Or even destroy **their **mind."

"What?" Sakura said, startled. "But is that even possible?"

She stopped. "Oh. The Sharingan?"

Tsunade nodded. "The Sharingan affords its user a certain level of resistance to psychological attacks, and also makes it easier to counterattack in the same way."

"Hm," Sakura agreed unhappily. "So what, then? Could we just have an interview psych evaluation done? Could we trust that?"

Sighing, the Godaime Hokage rubbed her temples. "I don't know that we have many other options."

Sakura had no reply to that. Tsunade continued: "I'll have Shizune do it. Sasuke won't recognize her, and she's been trained in non-confrontational interrogation."

"Right," Sakura's scowl returned.

* * *

The black-haired woman gave him a small, professional smile as she came into the room and saw that he was awake. "Hello," she greeted. "I'm Shizune, a medic-nin. I specialize in head-injuries, among other things."

He blinked. "I was told that I only have chakra exhaustion; severe, perhaps, but under control."

She nodded, keeping her eyes on his face calmly. "The only physical distress we could find was chakra exhaustion. But I think you know why I'm here."

His dark eyes swept across her face a few times and then he said: "It is because of what I said to Haruno-san. That I am not Sasuke."

"Yes, that's right," she agreed. "Can you tell me who you are, then?"

He opened his mouth to do so… and stopped.

Who was he?

Who… He remembered… so many things, all confusing. Disjointed images of faces, places. And darkness. He remembered a darkness so complete and encompassing that he became it. But **who was he**?

"It's okay, don't worry if you can't tell me," Shizune said soothingly. He might have been insulted by the patronizing tone, if he hadn't been preoccupied. "We'll try something else. Can you tell me where you were born?"

Images of dense trees, and faces carved into rock… The swirled symbol of a leaf etched into glinting metal. A flash of red and white fan. "I… was born in Konoha."

"Alright," Shizune nodded. "Can you tell me about your family?"

"My family…" he spoke haltingly, stilted by the flickers of what he assumed were memories. The fan that stoked the flames. _:Katon_ _jutsu_._:_ Red eyes with black tomoe, _:the Sharingan_._:_ "Uchiha…"

He was vaguely aware of the hidden flash of smugness in Shizune's gaze.

"I had a brother."

_Nii-san! Nii-san!_

_ Sorry, Sasuke… not today. Next time._

He was startled by the burning that started in his chest. He stopped talking.

Shizune waited, but when it was apparent that he wouldn't go on, she started to speak, very gently: "Uchiha Sasuke was born in Konoha to the Uchiha Clan. He had a brother."

He knew that. He knew that, but—

"You look like Sasuke," she continued. "And DNA analysis has shown your DNA to be a match to the records we hold for him. Is it possible that you just don't remember that you are Sasuke?"

He was silent.

"Are you… afraid to be Sasuke?" Delicately asked.

"I'm not…" _Why? Why, nii-san? Why did you kill them all? _"I don't…"

_Hate me, despise me…_

**Was **he Sasuke?

"I don't know," he said, quietly, to his own question and to hers.

* * *

Sakura, Tsunade, and Ibiki watched Shizune's interrogation through the security cameras that were installed throughout the hospital's Secure Ward. The feed that displayed Sasuke's room was pulled up onto a larger screen, so that they could see the image in a larger format than the post-card-sized general monitors. The sound from the room's microphones piped the conversation into speakers that spat out Sasuke and Shizune's voices with a distinctly tinny quality.

But, the video and audio were good enough that they could make confident analysis of his behavior and answers.

"You're right, he isn't lying," Ibiki told them both only a few moments into the questioning. "I've seen the Uchiha's psych file, and he isn't acting in a manner consistent with his… personality. I'd say that he truly doesn't remember that he is Sasuke."

Sakura was watching the interrogation with a frown on her face. No, Sasuke **wasn't** acting in a manner consistent with his personality. It was like he was a whole other person. She couldn't remember Sasuke ever being quite so… elegantly polite. But then, she had known him when he was a child, with a child's brusque courtesy—they say please and thank you, but not necessarily as if they mean it. Maybe as he got older…?

_:Yes, because Orochimaru was just so insistent on good manners,: _the sharp little voice of Inner Sakura sniped. Sakura's frown deepened. What had happened to Sasuke to change him so much?

He was describing his family now, at Shizune's behest. Sakura saw, if no one else did, the flash of pain in his dark eyes as he spoke of his brother. He fell silent after, and the Shizune spoke to him.

"I don't… I don't know." His voice was soft. Sakura tried to swallow the pity that welled up at his tone.

_:He abandoned us. He left us for Orochimaru,: _she reminded herself fiercely, _:And he attacked us when we came to get him back. I shouldn't pity him!:_

"What do we do now?" she asked Tsunade, forcing her voice to be firm and steady.

"Now?" Tsunade asked. She straightened, still staring at the screen. "The Council is clamoring for a trial. They want to try Sasuke for what he's done."

Sakura looked like she wanted to protest, and then all the fight drained out of her. She knew they couldn't protect Sasuke from the consequences of his actions.

"But for them to be able to, and to be able to do so fairly, he needs to have his memories. He has to testify." Tsunade frowned.

"Can't we plead for leniency, on medical counts?" Sakura asked. Ibiki snorted, and Tsunade's face twisted.

"No," the Godaime said bitterly. "The Council has already made it plain that they will overrule me if I make any attempt to delay or mitigate Sasuke's case. They believe," she spat "that I am compromised in this, because of my relationship with you, Sakura, and with Naruto. So they'll push the trial forward, even if Sasuke can't even tell them he is who he is. And if he can't testify for himself, they'll make their own judgments on his motives, and pass whatever verdict they want."

Sakura swallowed. "You don't think they'll…"

"Probably not," Ibiki rumbled. Sakura looked at him. He crossed his arms over his chest. "He is the last of his bloodline. And the Council doesn't want to lose the Sharingan."

Tsunade nodded grim agreement. "Most likely, they'll order him stripped of his shinobi rank, his chakra permanently sealed, and a period of house arrest."

"So," Sakura murmured.

"So," Tsunade echoed. "We help Sasuke regain his memories."

Sakura felt a stirring of unease.

"I want you to play a major role in rehabilitating him. He recognized you, you said, even if he didn't know you beyond your name. It stands to reason that he'll be more responsive with someone he knows. Also, you knew him; you share his memories, and so are the logical choice for this."

"What about Naruto, and Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura demanded, dread making a hollow pit of her stomach.

"They will play a part as well," Tsunade assured. "But all of Sasuke and Naruto's past interaction have been volatile, so I don't believe it would be a good idea for them to have too much contact. Not until we have an idea of how Sasuke is going to react."

That was probably wise, considering the number of times the two had nearly killed each other when they were younger. And not so younger. But that didn't mean Sakura was pleased with the situation.

"Tsunade-shishou—" she started. The Hokage interrupted.

"I know, Sakura." Her amber eyes softened as she looked at her student. "If you start to think it's impairing your ability to complete the assignment, come tell me."

"Yes, Shishou," she said resignedly.


	3. Chapter 3

_Please read and review! Much obliged.  
_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

* * *

When he dreamed, they were always dreams of blood, and smoke, and pain, and death. Waking from them left him confused and aching, emotionally and physically. He wondered just what kind of person he was, to have a mind full of such images and memories.

He could remember exactly the hot-slick feel of blood on his hands, but he couldn't remember his own name.

He knew all the places on the human body where judicious application of pressure or blade could cause death, but he wasn't even sure who he was.

When he looked into a mirror, he **knew **that the face and body he saw belonged to Sasuke. He knew that without anyone telling him. The knowledge was there, in his mind. But what he didn't know was if **he **belonged to that body. Was he Sasuke? Was he insane to feel so sure that he wasn't? Was he sick to question that surety? Because, like Shizune had said, he **looked **like Sasuke. His DNA matched.

And… and he could **remember** Sasuke. Almost enough to remember **being **Sasuke. It would be easy enough to persuade himself that they were all right and that he **was **Sasuke. That something had happened to him to make him forget, or shut away that knowledge.

"Good morning," a light female voice greeted. He found that he wasn't surprised by her presence; he'd subconsciously felt her approach.

"Good morning, Haruno-san," he greeted, and watched a tiny flicker pass through her eyes.

"You can call me Sakura," she said, with a cheerfulness he strongly suspected was feigned. "And… what should I call you?"

What, indeed. He was silent for a moment. Evidently a moment too long, because Sakura spoke again before he even could open his mouth.

"How about I call you Uchiha-san, since you've said yourself you are one. An Uchiha, I mean."

"That's… fine," he replied. What other name could he claim? Sasuke? He felt that would only confuse matters.

Sakura smiled, an expression he also felt was more false than true. She told him: "Okay, then, Uchiha-san. I'm going to check on your status now. Please don't move."

He was strapped to the bed. He had been since he woke that first time, three days ago. Was she… mocking him? No, he decided, watching her move with swift, easy efficiency. The order to stay still was an automatic command, born of a habit developed from treating dozens—possibly hundreds—of patients.

The check-up took a short time, and then Sakura was scribbling on a clipboard, saying: "It looks like you're recovered from your chakra exhaustion. You'll probably tire out more easily for a while, but that will pass."

She looked up at him and smiled; it was a real one, but it was the smile of a medical professional having successfully treated a patient. "You'll be allowed out of the hospital soon."

"With a guard," he said. The smile disappeared. She looked back at the clipboard.

"Of course. You were a nukenin."

_Leaving Konoha in the dead of night… A despised traitor barely out of childhood…_

"Of course," he murmured. Sakura returned the clipboard to its hook at the foot of his bed.

She hesitated, and he heard a question coming.

"Uchiha-san," she said, carefully, "do you—?"

She stopped and shook her head. "I'll be back later, Uchiha-san. Please keep resting; as I said, you're recovered, but you're not at a hundred percent yet."

"Thank you, Sakura-san," he said. She nodded, but it was an absent gesture; her mind had already left the room. Her body followed.

* * *

He remembered Haruno Sakura. Pink-haired, green-eyed, daughter of civilians. She hadn't had much skill, when she was younger, but she did have plenty of potential. Potential that was then unlocked by the Godaime Hokage, Senju Tsunade. Sakura became a strong medic-nin, and learned the Slug Sannin's secret of enhanced strength. She had been on his—Sasuke's—Genin Team.

But the only memory he had of interacting with her was facing her across a battlefield. Why didn't he remember anything else?

Shizune had said that amnesia doesn't necessarily follow a pattern; it sometimes isn't logical in what an amnesiac remembers or does not remember. He understood that, but… When **you **are the one with random holes in your memories…

It was frustrating. How can you know who you are when your memories make no sense? And how can you **be** without knowing who you are?

* * *

As promised, Sakura was back in the afternoon, an hour or two after his lunch had been brought in. She looked at the half-finished tray, and then glared at him. He was sitting up now, the head of the hospital bed having been raised to an angle.

"We can always put you back on intravenous feeding, you know," she said. Her tone made it a threat.

"I felt ill," he told her, unaffected. Her eyes narrowed, and she walked to his side. She put a glowing hand on his shoulder, and a moment later the nausea he'd been experiencing faded.

"Finish the rice, at least," she ordered, "the simple carbohydrates should be easier to digest, and you need the energy."

She shoved the bowl and a pair of chopsticks into his hands. And looked at him.

Evidently she was going to make sure he obeyed.

Now that the nausea was gone, he was feeling hungry again. So he obligingly arranged the chopsticks in his grip and deftly levered a bite into his mouth. After a few bites were politely and cleanly disposed of, Sakura spoke.

"I'll be taking you outside for a bit when you're done." She scowled when he made as if to lay the chopsticks across the bowl. More amused than cowed, he turned the motion into another bite. "We want to give you a bit of exercise, and fresh air."

They also probably wanted to see how he'd react to the relative 'freedom', but she didn't say it, and he didn't point it out. She **did** say, as an afterthought: "We think that maybe it will help you remember who you are, if you can see the Village."

So he finished the rice, and Sakura gave him a set of clothes—hospital-issue, pastel-blue, one-size-fits-all pants and top—to replace the hospital gown—pastel-blue, knee-length, and embarrassingly open at the back—and left him to change. He wondered momentarily where the clothes he'd been wearing when they'd found him had gone, but he doubted they'd give them back even if he asked. Without complaint, he pulled the hospital clothes on and tightened the drawstring at the front of the pants. A soft knock on the door preceded Sakura, who held up a pair of white cloth slippers.

"Almost forgot to give you these," she said. She watched him with a critical eye as he put them on, sharply observing his movements. At his inquiring look, she explained: "When we'd first encountered you, you seemed to be having coordination problems. We couldn't find anything, other than the chakra exhaustion, that would have caused that, so I'd like to make sure you're not still having a problem."

The way that the edges of everything he look at jumped at him, sharp as knives, would still sometimes gave him headaches, but he no longer felt the sickening disorientation he'd been afflicted with before. He was steady on his feet, and his motor-skills had returned. He told her, truthfully: "I am fine."

"Yes, I don't see the symptoms any more," she agreed. She held open the door. "Shall we?"

His slipper-shod feet made no noise on the bright tile floor. He moved down the hall, Sakura pacing beside him, and turned right at the juncture at the end. Down another hall and left, and there was the exit.

It was bright and sunny out. The people walking along the street outside were smiling at each other, talking, laughing…

It felt almost surreal.

It had been a while since he'd been someplace where the people smiled.

The scent of flowers mixed with a whiff of some restaurant's kitchen tickled his nose, and he inhaled in a slow, deep draw. Sakura was watching him. "You said you were born in Konoha?"

He nodded.

"If that's true, then it's been awhile since you've been back."

"Years," he said faintly, eyes tracing the strange-familiar outline of buildings. There were at least four ANBU agents watching them, _there, there, there, _and _there. _The closest one could probably intercept him in 0.88 seconds, if the need arose. He wasn't going to be likely to do anything that would require ANBU interference, but his mind calculated it all the same.

"Well, then," Sakura said, pulling his attention back to her, "Welcome home, Uchiha-san."

The words made his heart twist in his chest, for some reason. He looked at her, vaguely surprised, and then dropped his gaze with a small smile. Home. The word brought up a bittersweet feeling. _:I never expected to come back here, but… it is good to be home.:_

"I think it would probably be best if we walked around the hospital's grounds. I'm not sure it would be wise to parade about the Village, not when…" Sakura trailed off, then finished: "When there are still sore feelings about your desertion."

That only made sense.

They walked around the main hospital building, and found themselves on a wide, stone-paved courtyard. The pavers were broken here and there by squares of grass and thick-trunked trees. The courtyard abutted the hospital building on one side, and opposite that opened up into a panoramic view of the Village. The hospital had apparently been built on high ground, because the pavers stopped at a railing, beyond which the ground dropped into a steep, grassy slope. A set of stairs weaved across the incline, leading up to the courtyard.

He moved almost automatically to the railing, drawn by the view. There was the odd, peaked roof of the weapons store he'd preferred to patron. And that curl of smoke was from a very good barbeque restaurant. Those grey-roofed houses were the Inuzuka Clan's holdings. Which meant that over there was the Uchiha Clan compound.

_Empty now, washed of blood, cleared of bodies…_

"Uchiha-san? Are you alright?" Sakura's voice, with growing concern. "You've gone pale."

"My family…" he whispered, clutching the railing. Sakura looked away, sharply. She cleared her throat.

"Do you remember—?" she started, hesitantly.

"They're dead," he preempted the question, flatly. "I'm feeling ill again, Haruno-san. I wish to return to my room."


	4. Chapter 4

_This chapter, as all of them, was beta'd by my dear Icescim.  
_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

* * *

_:I think I killed my family.:_

He hadn't been lying when he'd told Sakura he'd felt ill—the thought made him sick. But it also touched off another round of confusion and self-questioning.

Sakura had said that he'd been a nukenin. Was it because he **had **killed his family? But, then… While he hadn't exactly received a warm welcome, nobody had treated him like a murderer. He doubted they would have left him alive, if he had murdered his whole Clan. At the very least, they wouldn't be keeping him in a hospital room, secure ward or no.

And yet.

_:I think I killed my family.:_

If his hands hadn't been strapped to his bed, he would have cradled his face in them, his mind an agony of emotion and thought. If he had murdered them, why did the thought of it make his chest tighten and burn? If he'd murdered them, why hadn't he been punished? **Why was he still alive**_?_

_:Have I gone mad? Or… am I going mad?:_

* * *

Sakura balanced the kunai on her fingertips, watching the light of her desklamp glint off its edges. Her face was carefully devoid of all traces of emotion, which was half an attempt to convince herself that she wasn't feeling anything and half an attempt to keep what she wouldn't admit to feeling under control. A flick of her fingers set the kunai to spinning as she let herself sink deeper into her thoughts.

Sasuke—or, no, Uchiha-san—had been responding to the sight of the Village. At least until he'd remembered his family. Then he'd clammed up, which, really, Sakura couldn't blame him for. It was just… It was odd, treating him like a stranger. And to have him treating her like a stranger.

It also made her frustrated. She **wanted** to be angry at him, for all the pain he'd put Team Seven through. For deserting Konoha. For joining **Orochimaru**, even though the damned Snake Sannin **clearly** only wanted to steal Sasuke's body. For being such an **idiot** as to think that creature could offer him something Konoha couldn't.

Sakura snatched the kunai out of its spin, and—quick as a flash—drove it two inches into the wood surface of her desk.

But how can she stay angry when he doesn't even remember what he did? When he can't remember himself, or her, save what her name was? He didn't treat her with contempt or annoyance, like he had when they were children. Instead, there was only… courtesy. Polite, aloof, he spoke quietly and used honorifics.

It made her feel wretched, the way she'd snapped at him when he'd first woken. It probably confused him. He wouldn't have understood who she was or why she was so angry at him.

She broke her control, and scowled fiercely.

Damned if she wasn't going **soft** again, making allowances for him. And worst of all, she wasn't sure if she was upset with herself for it. On the one hand, it would be unjust of her to make him suffer for crimes he didn't remember, and couldn't defend himself against. But on the other… He'd hurt them, and she wanted him to **know**.

The wood squeaked when she pulled the kunai out of it. Laying the weapon on its side, she sighed.

Perhaps she was still weak and pathetic, but… She was going to forgive him. If Sasuke repented for what he'd done, she'd welcome him back. She wouldn't trust him much at all, but she wouldn't hate him. None of Team Seven could hate him; they had that bond that formed between people who had survived together. First Zabuza, then the Chuunin exam… They'd all saved each others' lives. It was difficult to hate someone after that.

She just hoped that if—when—Sasuke regained his memories, he'd feel the same way.

* * *

Four ANBU watched him at all times, he'd discovered. Likely since they'd brought him back from where ever they'd found him—but since he'd been unconscious for quite a while after that, and then weak and confused when he did regain consciousness, he hadn't noticed until now.

He wasn't surprised. He'd been a nukenin; he remembered that, even without Sakura's reminder. He was also something of a loose cannon right now; without his memories he had no antagonism toward Konoha, but if he should regain them and find grievance with the Village… His current benign status could change very quickly. So they watched him very closely.

It put him on edge, though, as his instincts—untouched by his apparent amnesia—twitched at the constant feeling of being watched. He slept poorly.

Which was why, when Sakura came into his room and saw the wan look that had thinned his features, she frowned and reached for him with a glowing hand.

"I have been having trouble sleeping," he said mildly. She, like most doctors and med-nins, checked him anyway, as if he couldn't be trusted to know what was wrong with himself. Her hand withdrew, and she looked at him with a furrowed brow.

"Do you know why? Have you been having headaches? Nausea? Other pain?"

"I have had headaches occasionally," he admitted. He'd decided that it would be best if they didn't know he could sense his keepers. The headaches were a convenient excuse. Sakura searched his face, with an indecipherable look. She licked her lips and looked away.

"Sometimes with amnesia patients, reoccurring headaches may herald the return of memories," she said, "either in whole or in part."

He was silent. She asked: "Have you remembered anything since last time?"

A pause. Then, "A pale man with yellow eyes and the flesh of a snake. I killed him."

"Orochimaru," Sakura said flatly. "He was a nukeninof Konoha, and a horrible criminal. He performed experiments on living people…"

"He wanted the Sharingan. But I wouldn't let him have it," he murmured.

"Good," Sakura said. She turned on her heel and went to the door. At the threshold, she said over her shoulder: "I am having a meeting with the Hokage today about your progress. If we have facilities where we can house you, you'll be discharged from the hospital this afternoon."

"I see," he responded, and she left.

* * *

Sakura paused outside Sasuke's door, and took a moment to breathe deep calming breaths. The way he'd talked about Orochimaru… He sounded so disdainful. Like he wouldn't have given the Snake Sannin the time of the day. But then, **why?** Why would he have joined him? If he'd found Orochimaru so contemptible, what would have driven him to becoming the Sannin's pupil? Contempt seemed to imply a disregard of value, or more aptly, the belief of worthlessness. But if Sasuke—Uchiha-san—had believed what Orochimaru could teach him was worthless…

"Argh!" Sakura snarled softly to herself, mussing her hair in frustration. She just wanted Sasuke to regain his stupid memories so she could hear his reasons, and then punch him through a wall for them! Her hands dropped from her head and she huffed a breath through her nose. Shaking her hair back into some semblance of order, she went to meet with Tsunade.

Being the Hokage's pupil and sometime-assistant had its advantages—one of which was accelerated access to the Hokage. Instead of having to wait for the Hokage to get a bit of time open for a meeting, lower priority items on Tsunade's table were shifted to allow Sakura to report on her mission when she needed to.

"We already have considered the problem of where to house the Uchiha," Tsunade responded to the implicit question at the end of Sakura's report. "There is a building outfitted with apartment suites close to ANBU headquarters. We reserve it for 'diplomatic'—" Tsunade's dry tone gave the word an amused spin "—guests from other Hidden Villages. Kumo, and Iwa, and the like. Because of their questionable standings and intentions, the suites were built with a mind toward surveillance and possible detainment. Arrays are incorporated into the walls that are quiescent until charged, where-upon they become containment seals. The ventilation system is also designed so that we can pipe gas into specific sections. And, of course, the layout was created to facilitate ANBU surveillance of the residents."

"I…see," Sakura said, having been unaware that such a thing existed. "We don't… house our **actual **allies in there, do we?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Yes. In terms of ninja diplomacy, such fail-safes are the norm. All the Hidden Villages have guest building with similar specs… At least, the Villages that actually **allow **foreign diplomats into their borders. Nobody complains because there would be no winner in such an argument. If they forced us to get rid of our surveillance, then we would have ample cause to do the same; it may be odd, but there is balance."

Sakura didn't quite know what to say. So she settled with: "Oh."

Tsunade folded her arms. "Anyway, I have a bit of important information to pass on to you."

By the Sannin's grim expression, Sakura wasn't going to like it.

"The Council has decided that Sasuke's trial will be in a week's time."

Sakura nearly choked. "What? But that's nowhere near enough time for me to—!"

"I know. But that is as late as they were willing to let me push it. They wanted to drag him to trial as soon as he woke; they **claimed** it was because we couldn't risk his getting loose. Believe me, I used everything I legitimately could to stall it." She looked at her apprentice. "I'm afraid you'll have to push him."

"Damn it!" Sakura hissed. "But pushing him could…"

"Put his sanity at risk? Yes, but there doesn't seem to be a choice. The Council has clipped my wings rather neatly," Tsunade said bitterly.

Sakura scowled darkly. By pushing Sasuke to regain his memories within seven days, she would be placing considerable psychological strain on him. They weren't even sure **why** he had amnesia. What if it **was** because something horribly traumatizing had happened to him, and his mind had locked itself up as a defense? And even if it wasn't… If—when—he regained his memories, he'd find himself in the middle of the Village he'd deserted, the Village he'd demonstrated he no longer held any affection for, about to be brought up on charges. It was entirely possible that he could react negatively. And that was a bit of an understatement.

"At least there will be ANBU on hand if it comes to that," Sakura muttered to herself.

"Yes, well, be that as it may…" Tsunade cleared her throat, apparently having overheard, "Be as careful as you can."

"Yeah, right," Sakura griped. "Those idiots on the Council have clipped all of our wings."

"Don't speak that way where others can hear," Tsunade cautioned. Sakura made a gesture.

"I may be a lowly Chuunin, Shishou, but I'm hardly a fool." Her mouth twisted a little. "Not as much of one as to badmouth the Council where their ears may hear it, anyway."

"Remember that," Tsunade bade. Sakura sobered at her Hokage's serious tone.

"Yes, Hokage-sama."


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey all! Thanks for all the reviews and everything so far. Here's the next chapter. Just a heads up, but there WILL NOT be an update this Thursday, as I will be away from my computer doing RealLife things. Sorry!_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

* * *

"…You'll have noticed the seals painted on your wrists. Those are in place to keep you from accessing your chakra. I would advise you not even try to circumvent them; the results won't be pleasant. Nonlethal, but uncomfortable. And very futile," Sakura slanted a Look on her erstwhile patient.

"I understand," he said, but there was something that bothered him somewhat. It was wise of them to seal his chakra, but was it really enough? A skilled ninja was just as deadly without ninjutsu. In that same vein, why weren't they putting him in ANBU's maximum security prison? He'd been a nukenin. A traitor. There was little as dangerous as one of those. A traitor knows how the Village works, knows its weaknesses, can pick his target with a horrible accuracy for what would do the most damage with the least effort. And…

_:I think I killed my family.: _He felt a muscle jump in his jaw as he kept himself from clenching his teeth. Why weren't they treating him like the most depraved criminal there could be?

Caution warned him to keep silent and watch, and listen. Caution that had been trained into every fiber of muscle, every coursing bloodcell, every **singular cell in his body.** More than anything, he remembered his training, retained his instincts.

What did that make him, he wondered. He was a ninja, with everything that made him human stripped away. No self, only skills.

_:Isn't this what they wanted?: _The thought drifted up from the depths of his mind, and he went still, as if afraid to scare it away. Gently, he grasped hold of the thought, and turned it carefully, observing it from every angle.

Who were 'they'?

"Uchiha-san?" Sakura's voice broke into his revere, and the memory that had been surfacing sank back down into the mire. He restrained his frustration and responded civilly.

"Haruno-san?"

"Sakura," she corrected absentmindedly. Her head tilted to the side. "Are you alright? You were just… blank."

He paused. "I was remembering."

"Oh!" she said, chagrin sweeping her face. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he said, even though it really wasn't. Then, in complete truth: "It wasn't a good memory."

"Oh," she said, softer. She dropped her eyes, and he saw a quick flash of teeth as she bit down on her bottom lip.

_:What is it that she thinks she knows?: _He watched her, but he couldn't see anything beyond mere discomfort in her careful avoidance of eye contact. When she looked up, her face was composed.

"Hospitals aren't really good for calling up good memories," she said, in an obvious segue. "So it's good that we've got your discharge papers all in order now. I'll let you change into the clothes I brought, and then I can show you to where you're to be housed."

He nodded, she left, and he once again inspected the clothes she'd left. They were another step up—this time they were comfortable, generic, and nothing that would have looked out of place among either ninja or civilians. He changed quickly and put his feet into the nin-sandals Sakura had also brought.

There was nothing else in the room that he wanted or could take with him, so he opened the door and stepped into the hall. Sakura was waiting nearby, speaking to a nurse.

"If you could just file these away, I'd appreciate it, Oono-san," she said, handing a small sheaf of papers to the bland-faced young woman. The nurse flicked a glance at him, then murmured a hurried acknowledgement to Sakura, grabbed the papers, and fled.

_:She was afraid of me,: _he realized. Sakura turned to face him.

"All ready? Let's go."

* * *

It was immediately obvious why Sakura had taken him on a walk in the hospital's courtyard before, and not the Village itself. Now, walking in the streets, they were given a wide berth by everyone around them. He was treated to a succession of stares ranging from terrified to hate-filled. Civilians hissed condemnations _('Traitor!')_, and shared judgments with each other in whispers deliberately audible _('Isn't that the Uchiha boy? How can they let him out in the streets like that?'). _Ninja glared with prickly spikes of killer-intent.

He walked with Sakura and ignored them all. He **remembered** such hate and fear from before; he was familiar with it, and was familiar with ignoring it. As a testament to her training and control, Sakura ignored them also, pacing easily beside him, speaking and gesturing and occasionally asking questions.

"That way leads to the top of the Hokage Monument, and over there is the restaurant that has the best shabu-shabu in the Village. And there's the Academy. Do you remember the Academy, Uchiha-san?"

_I'm sure you're already aware, Uchiha-sama, but your son is very gifted. If he continues at this rate, he will likely graduate early._

"Yes… I remember the Academy."

"You'll get to see the rest of the Rookie Nine again eventually," she continued blithely. And then, apparently recalling that he might not remember to whom she was referring: "They graduated from the Academy with y—Sasuke."

"Hm," he said. They walked a while silently, and then he asked: "You also believe I am Sasuke."

She stopped, so he did too. "I…um." She looked away, then back. "You have to admit, the evidence seems to point to it."

"Yes, it does," he agreed. :_But the fact remains…:_

"You still don't think you are, though, do you?" she asked quietly, her eyes searching his face.

His eyes' focus slid from her face, turning inward. "Uchiha Sasuke was born July twenty-third, the year of the Kyuubi's attack, to the Head Family of the Uchiha Clan. He had a brother. His father—"

_As expected from my son._

Blink_. _Swallow. Continue: "His father taught him one jutsu, the trademark Uchiha Katon. He graduated top of his class from the Academy, and was placed on a Genin Team with Haruno Sakura and Uzumaki Naruto, under the tutelage of Hatake Kakashi… And then…"

_:Foolish, foolish child. Seeking strength and power from so wretched a creature as Orochimaru, a man so afraid of death he killed himself to try to escape it. Little by little, his experiments paring away what made him himself, replacing it with fake parts until what had been Orochimaru was gone and all that was left was artifice. What strength could be gleaned from such a coward? What power won by unmaking yourself?:_

"And then Orochimaru happened, and he left Konoha," Sakura said tightly. He didn't respond to the anger and hurt buried (not deep enough) in her tone.

"I remember all of this," he said softly. "I remember it. But when I try to think of myself **as **Sasuke, my mind recoils. It is wrong."

"But if you're not Sasuke, who are you?" Sakura whispered. "Why do you wear his face?"

He didn't answer. But a memory feathered across his mind, a brief touch whispering against his consciousness. It was gone before he even knew it was there, leaving only a vague sense of unease behind it. So he stood, and did not answer, and wondered.

* * *

Sakura showed him his quarters, a small suite of three rooms—an entrance/sitting room with a kitchen tucked in the corner, a bedroom, and a bathroom—within the large building the Village had built to house visiting diplomats. He was familiar (or at least, he had some memories of) the building. What he remembered did not reassure him that Konoha was taking this seriously. What was their game? These rooms were plush and comfortable, designed so as to not give visiting dignitaries any grounds to claim insult. It had safe-guards in place to at the very least slow any hostile action taken by a resident within its walls, but those safe-guards had to be activated to be of any use. It was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a place to keep a known criminal or enemy.

It was almost like they were inviting him to escape.

Sakura's silence as he gazed over the rooms seemed questioning. He said, blandly: "It seems very comfortable."

Her eyes narrowed a little. "I detect some disapproval in your voice."

He lifted one shoulder in an elegant shrug. "I merely wonder why I, a Konoha nukenin, am being given a diplomatic suite, as opposed to a maximum-security room in the ANBU cell block."

"Don't assume," Sakura replied stiffly, "that we can't keep you in check, just because you're not surrounded by bars. Where do you, a prisoner, get off lecturing us on our security?"

"It is an unnecessary risk," he said coldly. She barked a derisive laugh.

"Are you planning on wrecking havoc? No? Then what, does it **insult **you that we haven't chained you, muzzled you, and locked you away? So sorry." She sneered in anger. "I'm going now. Try not to give your **weak **and **stupid** Leaf-nin guards too hard a time. You might make them cry."

She left him standing in the middle of the room.

* * *

Her fury carried her out of the diplomatic building, up onto the roof of the restaurant across the street, and all the way to the residential district on the other side of the Village. She found Naruto's apartment with the ease of long practice, and popped in through the open window.

Her blond Teammate was in his small kitchen, standing over the small stove, stirring something. She walked right up to him, and dropped her head forward so that her forehead pressed against his back between his shoulder blades.

"What's wrong, Sakura-chan?" he asked. And then: "No, wait. It was Sasuke, wasn't it?"

"Hmmmnnnggrrr," she said, and then lifted her face out of the muffling fabric of his characteristic orange jacket. "It's 'Uchiha-san'. It might **bother **him if we call him Sasuke, since he can't remember that that's who he is."

"You sound like you want to bother him," Naruto said. He reached up to grab a bowl from a cupboard as she grumbled. "Want some?"

She glanced over his shoulder. Ramen, of course. She supposed she should count it as a victory that she'd persuaded him to start making his own from fresh ingredients, rather than depending on the instant stuff. "No, thanks."

Sakura watched a moment as Naruto filled the bowl with noodles and ladled miso broth from a steaming saucepan over the top. He finished it off with some strips of what looked like chicken, and a handful of chopped green onion. For a teenaged boy, the meal was a culinary masterwork. But considering that it was Naruto, and it was ramen, the easy grace with which he made it was unsurprising.

She followed him to the little folding table and sat across from him. "So," he said as he dug in, "What'd he do?"

She sighed. "It sounds stupid now, but… He complained that we didn't have enough security on him. It just pissed me off because…"

"Because he's an arrogant jerk?" Naruto suggested. She snorted.

"Yeah, that." Sakura felt tired, now that her fury was fading, and a new suspicion was creeping up on her. It questioned her anger and indignation. It wondered if a part of that anger wasn't directed at herself.

_:A part of why his comment pissed me off so much was because I didn't expect it. Since he's woken up, Uchiha-san's been nothing but polite and quiet. I was… I was almost getting used to it.: _She held back the grimace, knowing that even though Naruto seemed fixed on his noodles, he'd notice. _:Is it… bad, that I am almost wishing he would stay like this?:_

It made her feel guilty. She should want Sasuke back, not this confused—if polite—ghost of him. But she liked that he didn't just ignore and insult her, like he had before.

And it was **her job** to get the old, abrasive Sasuke back. There was no winning.

She glanced at Naruto. At least he would be happy. She could remember very clearly how upset he'd been when Tsunade had told him to stay away from their amnesiac former-Teammate. It made sense why they shouldn't have that much contact, but it still hurt Naruto. Sasuke was one of the first people he'd had a bond with, even if it was only a bond of rivalry.

"Hey, Naruto," she said, in a spur-of-the-moment decision. "What do you say we taken Uchiha-san to Ichiraku's for dinner tonight?"

Nevermind that Naruto was already having ramen for lunch—he would never turn down Ichiraku. Sure enough, the blond's face brightened. "Really? Can we do that?"

"I'm under orders to help Sasuke retrieve his memories. The three of us eating together at Ichiraku's ought to shake something loose in his brain," she reasoned with a faint smile.

"Hell yeah!" Naruto exclaimed.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey peeps, thanks for your patience. Ugh, this weekend was so hectic! I spent 19.5 hours in all driving (no exaggeration, though also thankfully not all at once), and was in a different state every day, starting Thursday and finally getting back home Sunday. I'm so tired...  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Six**

* * *

It had not been his intention to insult her, though that was obviously what he'd accomplished. The swift heat of her fury indicated that he'd picked at an old wound, moreover. _'Weak and stupid Leaf-nin.' _She'd heard it before; likely from him—from Sasuke.

It hadn't been what he'd meant. It was merely… merely that he was frustrated. They had admitted that he'd been a nukenin, so they knew that he was threat. It was only because they held some fondness for Sasuke that he had not been summarily executed, he thought. Or perhaps they thought he knew some vital bit of information and were letting him live in comfort until he remembered it and, grateful of their kindness, told them what it was.

But that could easily backfire if he simply remembered his animosity for Konoha first. If he didn't feel grateful and instead took advantage of their gesture. And why would they take such a risk?

Not that any of this really mattered, since he was still quite sure that he was _not _Uchiha Sasuke. If they knew that, would they still be treating him like a diplomat rather than a traitor?

No. They believed that he was Sasuke. It showed in everything they did. The way they treated him, who they surrounded him with. The way Sakura had to censor herself to call him Uchiha-san rather than Sasuke.

Would it be better if he just gave in? If he just let them persuade him that he was Uchiha Sasuke? Would that really be so bad? He looked like Sasuke, his DNA matched… He knew enough of Sasuke to convincingly impersonate him. And any lapses could easily be blamed on lingering effects of amnesia.

It was disturbing, how easy it would be.

It would be so easy, and he was so weary…

* * *

With the way she had stormed out of the diplomatic building earlier, he didn't expect to see Sakura again that day. But she came sweeping in to drag him off to Ichiraku for dinner with Naruto.

Uzumaki Naruto. He remembered him. The Kyuubi jinchuuriki. Sasuke's Teammate. Sasuke's rival. Sasuke's almost-brother.

Naruto was wild, loud, enthusiastic, and almost overwhelmingly optimistic. Call him stubborn, call him foolish, but one must always recognize the power he held. And 'power,' here, did not refer to the Kyuubi no Youko. No, Naruto's most admirable talent lay in his ability to change people.

It was rare to find someone who could influence others as strongly as he did. It was even more rare to find someone whose first inclination when facing an enemy was to do so. But that described Naruto. He had an unshakable belief in others, and that utter faith in the good in all people **forced **those people to **be **good.

…And all that was going to be brought to bear on **him**, Uchiha. Because Naruto would not be able to believe that he'd failed again to save Sasuke. _:More than anyone, Naruto will be insistent that I am Sasuke…:_

He didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He didn't know quite what he was feeling as he walked with Sakura down the streets of Konoha.

They walked largely in silence, each apparently consumed by their own thoughts.

It was Sakura who broke the silence.

"Do you worry," she asked quietly, eyes remaining fixed ahead, "that you will never remember who you were?"

He looked at her, not ever having expected such a question. Her step didn't falter, and she still didn't look at him. "Or, that you'll never remember completely who you were? That there will be pieces that are never recovered? That the confused and missing pieces will result in a you that isn't quite **you**?"

She took a breath. "Are you afraid that you'll lose who you were forever, and instead become someone else?"

He was silent a long moment, keeping pace beside her. Then, softly, he said: "You are shrewd, in your thinking, to ask that. To wonder."

She darted a shocked look at him, and quickly looked away again. But it wasn't the implied affirmative she was reacting to. Rather, he thought she was startled by the fact that he'd complemented her. He blinked; wondered, _:Is it so strange to think that Sasuke would speak well of her?:_

They were nearing Ichiraku, and Naruto was standing outside waiting for them. When he saw them, he waved energetically. "Ooooii! Hurry up! I'm starving!"

Sakura waved back, muttering: "I suppose we should count ourselves fortunate that he even waited for us." But she sped up a bit anyway. Naruto bounced in place as they approached.

"C'mon!" he burst out as soon as they were close enough. He ducked through the noren.

Uchiha caught the scent of rich broth and cooking meat, and his step faltered…

_He sat between them at Ichiraku's narrow counter. The girl with her dark hair and ash-colored eyes. The tow-headed boy with green marks like claws on the backs of his hands. They were older than he was, his Teammates, but they treated him well enough._

"Well?" Sakura's voice broke through the memory. She quirked an eyebrow. "Shall we?"

She went through the noren, and he followed.

Ichiraku's was as he remembered—a small space, with kitchen and seating area cramped together, divided by a high counter. Everything was warm wood and warmer smells—the scent of miso was thick, and made his mouth water.

Naruto was seated already, chatting animatedly with the chef, whose face beneath his hachimakiwas tanned, and creased by years of smiles. Sakura sat down beside the Jinchuuriki, and Uchiha sat beside her.

He noticed the chef—_Teuchi_, memory whispered—noticing him, and thought that the man's cheerful demeanor became more deliberate. As if he was trying not to react to the fact that a criminal was sitting in his restaurant.

"So what'll it be?" Teuchi asked. Predictably, Naruto was the first to answer.

"One miso ramen with pork!"

Sakura was filling glasses with water from the pitcher that sat on the counter. "I'll have miso ramen with tofu." She slid a glass in front of each of her companions.

Teuchi looked to Uchiha, masterfully schooling his expression.

"Ah…" Uchiha said hesitantly. "Seafood ramen, please."

Teuchi bent himself to the task of filling their orders, and the three ninja sat. Naruto chatted a little with Teuchi, and Sakura dragged her finger absently through the dropslets of water left on the counter from her water glass. Uchiha looked around, remembering.

After a while, Naruto drank a gulp of water, looked at his companions, and sighed contentedly. "This is great! It's almost like the old days! Sasuke-teme, do you remember Team dinners here?"

He looked at them—the girl with her pink hair and leaf-green eyes. The boy with his golden spikes and marks like whiskers on his cheeks—hesitated, and then said simply: "Yes."

"It's **Uchiha-san**," hissed Sakura in an undertone to Naruto. Any response the blond—or even Uchiha—would have made was lost as Teuchi set their orders in front of them. Naruto's attention shifted to the steaming bowl before him, and he dug in with zeal, completely forgetting the discussion.

Sakura sighed, and turned to her own meal. Apparently, this wasn't so unusual of an occurrence. Uchiha amusedly watched Naruto inhale his ramen for a moment, and then broke apart his own chopsticks.

Ichiraku ramen was as good as he remembered—and he **did **remember it. Just enough salt, and a complexity of flavors that prompted one to really savor the first taste. They ate happily, some intermittent comments and conversations peppering the meal. Afterwards, Naruto bid them a cheerful farewell, and headed off toward his home in the opposite direction.

Sakura was apparently escorting Uchiha back to the diplomatic building, though he could sense his ubiquitous quartet of ANBU guards nearby. Maybe they just didn't want him getting any ideas.

As before, they walked in silence a ways. And, as before, Sakura was the one who broke the silence.

"Well," she said. "That wasn't too bad, was it?" And, before he replied, "I'm sorry he kept calling you Sasuke. I hope it didn't bother you too much."

"No. It didn't bother me," he said. She didn't look convinced.

"I apologize anyway. Naruto's just…"

"He's optimistic," he said quietly. "And he doesn't want to lose his friend."

Sakura blinked at him, seemingly somewhat surprised by his words. He wondered, uneasily, _:That's twice in one day. Is my behavior really so different from Sasuke's?:_

They fell back into silence.

The next interruption came when they were just passing a small wooded area.

"Uchiha Sasuke," said a voice.

He went still, not from surprise, but with the coiled stillness of readiness. He may have had his chakra sealed, but there were more ways to stop an enemy than with ninjutsu.

Beside him, Sakura went tense. A figure stepped out from behind a nearby tree. Sakura took one step to the side, neatly edging between the newcomer and Uchiha. She said, warningly: "Mitarashi-san."

Mitarashi Anko. A Tokubetsu Jounin who had once been apprentice to Orochimaru. To whom Sasuke had evidently defected. He remembered.

Anko ignored Sakura, staring over the younger kunoichi's shoulder at Uchiha. "So what are you? What did he make **you **into?"

He was silent. Her glare remained fixed on him, burning into him. She sneered: "You should have died then."

She took a step forward, and just like that, one of his ANBU guards appeared beside Sakura. Together they formed a wall between Anko and him.

"Mitarashi-san," Sakura said coolly. "The Uchiha will answer for his crimes. But he will do so **lawfully**, before the Council and the Hokage. Do you understand?"

Anko held his gaze between the shoulders of the ANBU and Sakura. "Was it worth it?" she demanded bitterly. "Was it?"

The ANBU stepped forward and took her arm in hand. He glanced toward Sakura and gave a minute nod of his masked head, and then he shunshin'd away, taking Anko with him. That left Sakura, Uchiha, and three still-hidden ANBU in the dark street. Sakura let out a low, slow sigh. There was a beat of silence.

"Sakura-san," Uchiha said quietly. She reluctantly looked at him. "What, exactly, are my crimes?"

She looked even more reluctant. "I don't know if—"

"Sakura-san," he interrupted steadily. "I think I deserve to know the crimes for which I apparently will be tried."

She held his gaze for a moment before looking down and away. "You're right," she said. "Fine. I'll tell you, but not here. Let's go back to the diplomatic building."


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter seven! Woot. Please review!  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

They reached his suite in the diplomatic building, and he sat in one of the chairs in the outer room, looking to Sakura expectantly. She had her attention trained on the floor, a slight frown on her face. She didn't sit, but stood rather absently in the middle of the floor. She was clearly deep in thought, so he didn't interrupt.

After a long moment, she sighed, sat down, closed her eyes briefly, and then looked at him. She opened her mouth, hesitated, and then said: "Your… Sasuke's…"

"Just call me Sasuke," he told her. She gave him an uncertain look.

"But—"

"I am going to be tried for Sasuke's crimes, so I might as well **be** Sasuke," he said. She grimaced.

"I guess." Sakura sighed again, giving in. "The first charge is desertion. Even though we weren't technically at war, we'd just been attacked by Suna and Oto. The Hokage had been killed. People were dead, people were injured, and you just **left**. Without leave. You abandoned Team Seven, abandoned Konoha, abandoned you oaths."

Anger and frustration were beginning to tinge her words. "You left and you went to **Orochimaru**. You **knew **who he was. You fought against him just before you joined him! And **still**, you…"

She stopped abruptly and took a breath, obviously grappling with her anger. "So. Treason. The first count, anyway. There were others after that. Attacking Konoha ninja with intent to kill, on several accounts. Aiding and abetting known enemies of the Village. Those, Uchiha-san, are what we're sure they'll bring up at your trial. I'm sure they'll find others."

He sat, taking this all in. Then, he asked: "Why… did I leave?"

Sakura's head snapped around and she glared. "Why?" she hissed. "**Why**? You left for **power**."

She sneered. "You left because you wanted the power Orochimaru offered you, even though you knew what he planned for you. Even though it would set you against your Village. Even though you had a whole Hidden Village full of ninja ready and willing to help you!"

She stood up and walked stiffly toward the wall, turned, and walked back. She stopped in the middle of the room, fists clenched at her sides. She met his eyes, fury making them a vicious, snapping green.

"I can't do this. I'm leaving," she said abruptly, angrily. She stalked to the door, through it, and away.

* * *

He sat where she'd left him, his eyes distant with intense thought, going over what she'd told him.

The charges she'd told him would be leveled at him sounded familiar. He remembered that he'd left Konoha, was considered a nukenin, and the place he'd gone to… Orochimaru had been there. But…

But he didn't feel that he gone **to** Orochimaru. That phrasing was incorrect.

And what about… what about killing his family… Why hadn't she mentioned that? He had done it, but that evidently wasn't on the list of Sasuke's crimes.

Which meant that he was right, and he wasn't Sasuke?

He cradled his head in his hands.

Whether or not he was Sasuke, they were going to try him for Sasuke's crimes. Should he just let them?

But then he would be getting away with murder. Literally. If they didn't try him for killing his family…

He didn't deserve to take Sasuke's place. Sasuke's crimes were **nothing **compared to his. By assuming Sasuke's identity, he was effectively evading the punishment for his own actions. Certainly he'd be sentenced for the other crimes, but the greater of them would go by with impunity.

That almost made him feel sicker than the crime itself. To kill one's family is abhorrent, but to **get away with it**?

He couldn't. He could no longer entertain thoughts of letting go and accepting the mantle of Sasuke's identity. He did not deserve such a boon.

However… It wasn't particularly likely that the people of Konoha would accept that he wasn't Sasuke. Not if his previous experiences meant anything. It was obvious they had already determined that he was Sasuke and that his protestations that he wasn't were symptoms of mental distress.

Should he then **admit **to his crime? Say that he'd killed his family?

Although… if they thought he was Sasuke, and they hadn't listed that crime among the others, did that mean that they did not believe Sasuke had committed it? What if they dismissed his confession as a product of a confused mind?

Or, perhaps he should ask Sakura who killed the Uchiha Clan. He might indirectly discover who he was, then.

He should have done that from the start, but when the truth had first surfaced from the mire amnesia had made of his mind, he'd been so confused… And then, he had been unsure of that memory, unsure of its truth, of its source.

It was past time. Now, he would ask.

* * *

The day after Sakura had left with the firm steps of anger was the first day since he first woke that he did not see her. He wondered briefly if she was still angry from the questions he'd asked the night before, but let his contemplation of his broken memories distract him from waiting.

By noon on the second day, he wondered if she would ever come back, or if he had driven her beyond her tolerance. It was a distinct possibility, considering that any time she was around him she seemed angry, wary, or some combination of the two.

With nothing else to do, he sat in the front room of his suite and thought.

The monotony of the day was broken a couple hours after noon, by Hatake Kakashi.

The Copy Ninja entered the room after a perfunctory knock, lifting one hand with a lackadaisical "Yo."

Uchiha watched as the older shinobi meandered closer. A silence fell between them, as both watched the other. The silence stretched…

He remembered Hatake Kakashi. The man could have been Hokage, had he shown a touch more ambition and etiquette. Another early-graduation, and a fast rise through the ninja ranks. The last Hatake was also one of two known non-Uchiha to have acquired a Sharingan and been able to utilize it.

…'Two?' He frowned slightly and tried to grab that memory, but it lingered just out of reach.

"So," Kakashi broke the silence with a lazy drawl. "It's Uchiha-san, isn't it?"

Uchiha's eyes snapped to the other's face, and he lifted his eyebrows at the Copy Ninja. "I imagine you have already made your own decisions on who I am."

Kakashi's visible eye creased in a smile. "Ah. Yes, you've caught me," he said amiably. But he didn't volunteer what his decision was. Uchiha watched him thoughtfully.

He remembered that Hatake Kakashi was a man of great intellect, instinct, and skill. He was quite adept at 'looking underneath the underneath,' as he said. Uchiha wondered what Kakashi saw when he looked at him.

"Sakura-chan sent me," the Copy Ninja said. "There was an emergency at the hospital that she was called in to deal with; she apologizes that you've been cooped up these past two days."

Uchiha felt a small breath of relief at this. So he hadn't driven her away. He was glad; he felt that she was his best shot for regaining his memories. Naruto was too determined to consider the fact that he wasn't Sasuke. Sakura… she was too grounded to cling to her own similar hope, once she recognized the truth staring her in the face. She knew Sasuke, and would eventually come to realize that 'Uchiha-san' wasn't him.

Perhaps Kakashi realized the same. Looking at him, it was difficult to discern what exactly he thought, though perhaps Uchiha could eke it out of him given enough time. Uchiha wondered if maybe he could persuade Kakashi to escort him outside the diplomatic building, in Sakura's place.

"That being the case," Kakashi continued, "I've gotten permission to let you out of your quarters. If you want some fresh air, that is."

"Please," Uchiha said, politely, "I would appreciate it."

* * *

"You have not been to the Uchiha Compound since you've awakened, have you?"

A muscle twitched involuntarily along Uchiha's jaw at the sudden question, but his voice was mild when he replied: "No. I have not."

Kakashi was quiet a moment. "Going there might stir up memories for you. You **are** an Uchiha; seeing your family's home would be the most effective stimulus."

_:Effective stimulus,: _Uchiha thought with a bitter pain. He wasn't sure that the memories that would stir up wouldn't leave him broken in their wake. He already felt crushing guilt and sorrow from the thought _'I think I killed my family'_. How much more potent would memories of the actual act be?

Enough to make him well and truly insane? Possibly. Enough to make him remember who, exactly, he was? Probably.

"Yes," Uchiha said slowly. There was a chance that he'd regret this decision, but he didn't have much to lose. "I think… I would like to see it."

Kakashi nodded, and with his hands in his pockets and a slouch to his shoulders, led them off toward the Compound. They walked in silence, and Uchiha felt a knot of unease tighten in his gut with ever step.

When they reached the first gate into the Compound, Kakashi stopped and glanced at him. "Do you remember where you lived?"

He paused, but then stepped forward. Kakashi followed as he wandered, with only a few brief hesitations, through the streets.

It was sunny, clear-sky day, but it seemed somehow dimmer, dark, in the Uchiha Compound. As if the sun didn't dare shine on those streets. Uchiha tried to ignore the long, deep shadows and kept walking.

The streets were made of pale, almost sand-like dirt, hard-packed until it was nearly stone. Time and neglect had left them slightly disheveled and speckled with weeds, which didn't surprise him very much. What was somewhat surprising was the lack of any signs of the massacre he remembered. The only indication that such a thing had happened was the absence of people. But other than that, there were no bloodstains, no signs of violence. Either someone had cleaned it, or he was remembering something incorrectly.

"My—" he started, turning toward Kakashi. Memory seized him then, catching the words in his throat.

_Standing in the street, his eyes burned with the Sharingan… (the tears he couldn't shed burned too). The scent of death clogged his nose with foulness, and he felt something shrink inside him, itself fouled._

_ Why? Why, nii-san? Why did you kill them all?_

_ Hate me, despise me…_

_ There was a weight in his hand, familiar; a weapon. There were bodies all around him; his family. He felt a pain rise in his chest as he fled. He coughed, and saw bright blood on his hand after._

He blinked, and it was gone, and Kakashi was standing in front of him, sharp gaze catching the moment the focus of his eyes changed. "Are you alright?"

Uchiha paused, lifted a hand to press the back of his hand lightly to his nose. He said, a little dazedly: "It reeks of blood here."

"Hm," Kakashi said, thoughtfulness in his tone and his eye. "Do you want to go on?"

"I…" Uchiha hesitated. _The bodies of his parents lay crumpled on the smooth, polished wood floor. Their blood was black in the low light. _He took a careful breath. "No… No."

The walk out was worse, as if that instant of memory had knocked something loose inside him. He saw faces in the shadows, like echoes of the dead, and heard susurrations that weren't the wind.

By the time they reached the entrance to the Compound, he was sweating and staggering, as if ill. Kakashi finally looped an arm around him, supporting and guiding him to a small shrine that had been wedged between two nearby buildings. There were ledges on either side of the narrow alley, on which the guardian statues were set. Kakashi eased Uchiha down onto the ledge behind one of the statues.

Uchiha's head lolled to rest against the statue's tail, his breath uneven. He felt cold and hot at the same time, and a phantom cough tickled his throat. Kakashi crouched in front of him, surveying him with a narrowed eye.

"What is it?" he asked, "Have you remembered something?"

Uchiha looked at him, forced out between breaths: "Who was it… that killed… the Uchiha?"

Kakashi was silent a while, staring at him with an eye that did not seem so sleepy and lazy anymore. Finally, the older shinobi replied: "Uchiha Itachi."


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry I missed Monday's update! My beta was very busy and couldn't get to editing this until yesterday. Our bad._

_On a related note, how much would you all hate me if I decreased the updates to one a week? I'm not writing as fast as I'm updating right now... I have chapter 9 done and 10 partly done, but after that I'll be writing each chapter fresh. I dunno if I can keep up the two-a-week schedule when I run out of buffer. Thoughts?_

_Please enjoy, even though it's late. And please review!  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

He was sick, after Kakashi had finally gotten him back to the diplomatic building. He'd managed to keep himself together enough that it wasn't until the Copy Ninja had left that he'd collapsed over the toilet, heaving wretchedly. He vomited until he was only bringing up bile, but the churning of his stomach continued even after he'd stopped retching.

Uchiha Itachi.

That was his name. The name of a murderer.

He was Uchiha Itachi. He killed the Uchiha Clan, even the children, even the elderly. All except Sasuke… Sasuke, who was his… brother?

He had a name, but he hardly had his memories. Only a few, broken, bitter remnants rattled around his useless head.

He didn't know what to do. He'd thought before of trying to persuade them that he'd been the one to kill the Uchiha Clan, but hadn't believed that would work. The fact that he now had a name to put to himself didn't change matters. The problem was still there: They thought he was Sasuke. All the evidence pointed to it. His amnesia was a hurdle that let them dismiss any argument he might make, as well as one that didn't let him even formulate an argument.

'I am Uchiha Itachi.'

'Oh? So why do you look like Sasuke? Why does your DNA match his?'

'I don't know.'

'Alright, then, can you provide proof that you're Itachi? Maybe something you know that only Itachi would know?'

'I don't remember.'

Yes, that would be a fine show of rhetoric.

His lip curled contemptuously at himself. What could he do? He'd already determined he couldn't become Sasuke. He could, however, try to regain more of his memories, enough so that he could make a respectable argument for who he was.

Or he could manipulate things so that they punished him for what he'd done without even knowing it. Maybe he would even engineer his own execution.

_Because that worked so well last time._

He twitched at the miniscule whisper of thought, hearing the words but not knowing or understanding what was behind them. Once again, the memories slipped away from him when he reached for them.

A flicker of weakness, and his control lapsed. With frustration putting a grimace on his face, Uchiha—_Itachi_—hauled back and punched the wall beside him.

A knuckle popped, but the wall faired worse—a neat imprint of the knuckles of his first two fingers pressed into the plaster, and a web of fine cracks haloed the impact site. A bit of dust from the plaster and the rock behind it sifted down to the floor.

He was Uchiha Itachi, but **who was **Uchiha Itachi_?_

* * *

Kakashi came the next day as well; Sakura was apparently immersed in cleaning up the aftermath of the emergency at the hospital. Uchi—Itachi asked immediately if they could go out into the Village.

"Is there somewhere specific you want to go?" Kakashi asked. He gave the damaged wall only a brief glance before dismissing it. Probably, they'd expected him to react to his situation in some way, and accepted the cracked plaster as collateral.

"No," Itachi replied. If they weren't going to mention, neither was he. "I merely think that it might aid my memory if I see the Village I once lived in."

Kakashi hummed a vague agreement, and they left.

The Copy Ninja seemed just as disinterested in his glorified babysitting duty as he had the day before, but Itachi had a feeling that the older shinobi was watching him closely. Because of his instincts, it made him a bit uneasy, but it also kindled the small (perhaps irrational) hope that Kakashi might see something to tip him off as to 'Uchiha-san's real identity.

Without a real destination in mind, Itachi simply started walking once they were on the street. Some of the things and places he passed by were familiar in a vague sort of way, but mostly he couldn't call up a specific memory. Every once in a while a snippet of remembered speech came back to him.

He was struck the hardest when they passed by the headquarters for the Konoha Keimu Butai. He stopped before it. It was obviously still in use, and still housed the police force. They must have reformed the group after the Uchiha Massacre, since the majority of the force had been of that clan.

Itachi gazed up at the building; it looked just the same as the last time he'd seen it. It even still had the same emblem, of the Uchiha crest embedded within a shuriken_._

_Why does the police force have our house symbol?_

_ It's said that the man who started the police force was our ancestor…_

"The Konoha Keimu Butai," Itachi murmured. Kakashi stepped up beside him, and, following his line of sight, said:

"They had to rebuild the force nearly from scratch; there were only a few non-Uchiha members before the massacre. But once it was rebuilt, they decided to keep the old emblem, with its included Uchiha fan, to honor the dead Clan."

_They didn't give us the Keimu Butai_ _to honor us; they gave it to us to keep us leashed! They want the Clan to be trained dogs!_

Itachi flinched, turning his face away from the building and from Kakashi. Not that that helped. Kakashi was a ninja, and a very good one. He noticed Itachi's reaction immediately. "Problem?" he asked, with every appearance of nonchalance.

Itachi closed his eyes, said, quietly: "I know you're watching me just as sharply as the ANBU. You can stop pretending."

Before Kakashi could respond to that, Itachi opened his eyes and looked up. "I was remembering my father. It was not a fond memory."

Kakashi met his eyes wordlessly, with a direct, solemn gaze. The Copy Ninja hadn't dropped his affected indifference, even though Itachi had made known his awareness of the façade. Though, truthfully, Itachi hardly expected him to. Still, he imagined he could see the gears turning away behind Kakashi's veiled gaze.

* * *

Sakura felt a little bad about essentially abandoning Uchiha-san, though it wasn't really her fault. She'd spent the whole first day in surgery, trying to patch together the Team that had had some sort of unfortunate encounter with a nukenin. The day after that, she'd been convalescing, regaining her chakra (which had been all but drained) and her strength (which had been sorely tried). The third day… Well, perhaps the third day was partly her fault. She could have delegated the reports to one of her coworkers—Shizune, for instance—but instead she'd spent half the day writing them up. She **had **sent Kakashi-sensei to deal with Uchiha-san the last two days, though, so maybe she shouldn't feel too guilty?

_:If he was acting as arrogant and…and idiotic as before, I wouldn't feel as bad. But no, he's got to be all polite and confused.: _Sakura thought grumpily as she brought her reports in to Tsunade's office. _:And even though Kakashi is there, it was still _my _mission to help Uchiha-san regain his memories. I feel like I abandoned it.:_

"Ah, Sakura," Tsunade's voice brought Sakura's attention back to the present. "I was hoping you'd stop by today."

"I brought the reports from the hospitalization of Team Wakamiya," Sakura said, hoisting them in one hand. Tsunade grimaced, lifting them from her.

"Give me a summary," the Hokage said. As both a med-nin and the Hokage of the injured ninja, Tsunade didn't want to wait until she got a chance to review the reports to know how they were doing.

"Jounin leader Wakamiya Raku and Tokubetsu Jounin Arashima Jouba are still in critical condition, but they've been stable through the night," Sakura said. "Chuunin Umiya Asahi is the best off of all them; he regained consciousness yesterday and, pending the results of his tests, he may be released as soon as tomorrow. Shizune thinks that they might need to amputate Chuunin Kazeyama Aobo's left leg after all, which isn't really surprising considering how little we had to work with for the reattachment."

"I see," Tsunade said. She thought for a while. "Shizune will be in charge of that. I want you back with the Uchiha."

Sakura hid a scowl. "Yes, Shishou."

"How has it been going, so far?"

"Alright, I think," Sakura sighed. "He seems to be regaining memories pretty regularly. He doesn't really share them, though. And he still…"

"Yes?" Tsunade prompted when Sakura didn't go on.

"Nothing, nevermind," the younger kunoichi said. _:He still doesn't act like Sasuke.:_

"Hm," the Hokage hummed thoughtfully. "Well, Kakashi brought him to the Uchiha Compound yesterday, so—"

"Kakashi-sensei did **what**?" Sakura sputtered. "The Compound? Is he… is… Did anything **happen**?"

"Sasuke collapsed, or near enough. He definitely remembered something. Kakashi also reported that Sasuke asked him who killed the Uchiha."

"He told him?"

"He told him."

"What did Sasuke do?"

"Apparently nothing. Once Sasuke could stand, he apparently went back to the diplomatic building quietly." Tsunade shrugged.

"So, does he… Does he remember killing Itachi?"

"He may or he may not. He gave no outward sign, and nobody asked."

"Oh," Sakura said. And then, nervously: "You, er… You don't want me to ask, do you?"

"Maybe not so bluntly. Perhaps try to approach the subject obliquely."

"Yes, Shishou."

"Cheer up, Sakura. Only three more days until the trial." There was a definite note of irony in Tsunade's voice.

"Oh, **fantastic**," Sakura grumbled.

"It could be worse," the Hokage reminded her. "The Council had been making a lot of noise about how dangerous Sasuke is, even without his memories. They're trying to force my hand, to make me seal away his chakra permanently, **before** the trial."

"What? But then… why are we even having the trial? It sounds like they've already made up their minds as to his guilt!"

"Yes. There was even one who was calling for me to cut out his tongue, so that he couldn't 'perpetuate the lies Orochimaru has fed him.'"

Sakura felt a chill of dread. "No…"

"You may want to tell your Teammates that if they want Sasuke to survive his trial they might want to start thinking of some damn good arguments now," Tsunade warned grimly. "I'll do what I can, but the Council does have the power to overrule me, if they're unanimous."

"Do you really think they might execute him?" Sakura asked, uneasily.

"I think that they're very afraid of him. More so than I originally believed. And I think that makes them unpredictable," Tsunade sighed and looked out her window. "You told me that Sasuke had professed to two ambitions when he was younger: to kill his brother and to reestablish his clan. He'd accomplished the first. Maybe he was trying to come back to Konoha to start on the second when you all found him."

_:I hope so,: _Sakura thought, but she said nothing out loud.

* * *

It took an hour and seventeen minutes, and a few pointing fingers, for Sakura to find Kakashi and Uchiha after Tsunade had dismissed her. She hoped that Kakashi had had more luck in inspiring memory-recollection in Uchiha-san than she had. She suspected he probably had, considering he'd taken Sasuke to the Uchiha Compound. What other location would provoke a stronger reaction than where he'd seen his entire family slain at the hands of his older brother?

She found them on the wooden bridge that spanned the Naka River. Sasuke had his hands on the rail as he stared into the rushing waters below, and Kakashi was watching him. She landed lightly beside her former-teacher and exchanged nods of greeting with him before stepping up to Sasuke.

"Sakura-san," he said quietly. "Good afternoon."

Was it mad of her think he sounded relieved? Her brow furrowed imperceptibly, and she paused before replying: "Uchiha-san. I apologize for the last few days. I hope you don't mind that I sent Kakashi-san to you?"

"No," he said; his eyes returned to the river. "It was fine."

Sakura tried to gauge the sincerity of his reply, but it was near impossible with his carefully weighed tone. With a mental shrug, she turned to Kakashi, still standing behind them. "Sorry for making you take over for me, Kakashi-sensei. If you have to leave, you can. I'm back as escort."

"Mm," Kakashi said lazily. He glanced at the sun's position. "I suppose I should probably be at that meeting. It was supposed to be at noon."

It was a few hours past noon. Sakura gave her wristwatch an incredulous look. She opened her mouth to scold Kakashi, but when she looked back, he'd already disappeared. She snorted softly. "Typical sensei."

Shaking her head a bit, she looked back to Uchiha-san. He hadn't lifted his gaze from the water.

Rather abruptly, he asked: "What river is this?"

Sakura blinked. "Ah. The, um, Naka River."

"I see." His gaze was rather darkly blank as he continued to watch the current flow under the bridge. "The Naka."

Sakura looked at him curiously, but he didn't elaborate. She waited to see if he'd say anything more, but after a long few minutes of silence, it became apparent he wouldn't.

Staring at the water herself, Sakura broke the silence. "I… told you that you're going to be put on trial, but… I never told you when that trial would be. I'm sorry. And then I was gone, and you lost even more time, and I'm sorry. Now there's only three days until the trial. I should have told you earlier."

Uchiha finally stirred. "When I first became aware of the trial, I determined to regain as much of my memory as possible. I've been working toward that, even in your absence. Knowing when the trial is would not have changed anything I've done in the last three days. There's nothing to apologize for."

"But you still don't even remember who you are!" Sakura protested. "How is it right to put you on trial when you can't even defend yourself? It's not—"

And, abruptly realizing what she was saying and to whom, Sakura shut her mouth and turned her face away. Jaw clenched, she berated herself mentally over her idiotic tender heart.

"Compassion," Uchiha-san said, softly, "is never a foolish thing. Not even when it is directed toward enemies."

Sakura felt a little chill at how easily he seemed to read her. But what really bothered her, what made her turn and stare with a furrowed brow at his face, was how **at odds** his words, his tone, were. That was not something the hate-filled, revenge-obsessed Sasuke that she remembered would say.

Looking into his dark eyes, Sakura felt a slight stirring of doubt.


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks for being understanding, peeps. Updates will be once a week, either on Wednesday or Thursday._

_Please review! I say thank ya.  
_

_beta: Icescim_

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**The Philosophy of Self**

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**Chapter Nine**

* * *

_The blood stood out vividly against Shisui's pale face, rimming the hideously empty socket of his left eye. The skin there was torn, saturated with so much blood—dried and fresh—that it looked almost black. There were marks around the socket like nicks from a blade. Shisui had obviously fought the removal, vigorously._

_ Taking his right eye was considerably easier, and charring his face so it looked like the eyes had been destroyed by a _Katon_ was easier still._

_ Shisui didn't struggle._

_ Shisui was dead._

_ The waters of the Naka River washed away most of the blood and soot and dirt that marred Shisui's corpse-pale skin._

_ It didn't wash the blood from Itachi's hands. Not quite._

* * *

The more time passed, the more nightmares plagued Itachi's sleep. And the more nightmares plagued his day, as well, but those were called 'memories', and he could not wake from them. As the days passed, he became paler, more drawn, as remembered grief and guilt and loss ate away at him.

Shisui—his cousin, his comrade, his closest friend and confidant—dead at his hands.

His mother, his father…

His **whole clan**.He'd killed them all. But not Sasuke.

He'd **loved **Sasuke. He had; he remembered. But… where was Sasuke now? And why did he wear his face? Itachi's face had been narrower, his features longer and thinner than Sasuke's. Sharply handsome, he recalled his mother saying once. The softer face he wore now was not his. It was Sasuke's.

It hurt, looking in the mirror now. Even if it was him behind the eyes now, they still stared accusingly at him. Stared with Sasuke's hatred for him. _You killed them._

The wan look that had taken over him lately made him look more like himself, but it also had Sakura dredging up concern for him.

"Are you feeling well?" she asked, the day after the Naka River. "Are you having headaches? Nausea?"

He'd avoided her reaching hand, shook his head. "I merely am not sleeping well." When her concerned look did not fade, he added: "I've been starting to remember things in dreams. They wake me."

"But you're feeling alright?" she'd persisted. And, recalling Sasuke's crimes, for which he would answer, he guessed that they were worried the return of his memories might herald a return of whatever animosity Sasuke had held for Konoha.

_But Sasuke was not supposed to hate Konoha…_

Itachi shook his head and reassured her again.

* * *

_Blood flew from Sasuke's mouth as Itachi's fist drove into his gut, a harsh deep upper-cut that lifted the younger Uchiha off his feet. Small hands gripped Itachi's wrist, as he wrapped his hand around Sasuke's throat and squeezed._

_ Itachi brought his mouth closer to Sasuke's ear, and said with dark amusement: "You still don't hate me enough, foolish little brother. You are still too weak."_

_ "I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough for your expectations—"_

—Itachi woke with a harsh gasp, jerking upright in his bed. His chest burned and ached, and he clutched at it with a hand, tensed and clawed. It hurt to breathe, and at first his vision was blurred and doubled, but he blinked a few times and things refocused. He palmed his face.

It was one day until the trial, and his brain seemed to be making up for lost time by throwing memories at him fast and thick. They were mostly just little things; fragments, really. But each was like a stone added to the burden he already shouldered.

Had he really been such a horrible creature? He'd loved Sasuke, but his memories told him that he'd **tortured **his beloved brother. Why? Why would he have done so?

He'd feared before that he was insane because he'd been so sure, even in the face of all the evidence to the contrary, that he wasn't Sasuke. Now, he wondered if he wasn't insane because of how twisted his actions and emotions seemed to be. He'd loved Sasuke, but he'd tortured him. He'd loved his family, but he'd murdered them. He'd respected Kakashi, and yet he'd nearly killed him with his Mangekyo Sharingan.

He'd been confused before because he didn't remember anything. Now he was confused because of what he remembered. His situation hadn't improved at all.

* * *

The trial was held in early afternoon on the seventh day, in a grand chamber within the Hokage Tower. Itachi's four ANBU guards escorted him, visibly, from the diplomatic building to the Tower, where they handed him over to Sakura, Kakashi, and Naruto.

The Jinchuuriki was grinning as if he had no idea what was going to happen… or as if he were sure they'd let 'Sasuke' off lightly. Kakashi looked perfectly unreadable. And Sakura was trying valiantly to hide the worry in her eyes.

Itachi looked at them calmly, having fully accepted what the likely outcome of this trial would be. Naruto bounced forward, clapping him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, teme! Tsunade-baa-chan won't let anything bad happen!"

Because the blond's back was to his friends, he didn't see Sakura's wince. Itachi did, though, and it cemented the supposition he'd had that this wouldn't be so much a trial as simply a sentencing.

"Procedure is that you'll wait in the holding cell until the trial starts," Kakashi said, stepping forward. "We'll take you there now."

Itachi nodded his understanding, and Kakashi led the way. Naruto walked beside Itachi, talking about how they would go out for ramen again after the trial. He appeared utterly unconcerned, but Itachi thought that he could detect a bit of bravado in his tone, a hint that he was only acting like he was sure of what would happen.

Naruto wouldn't let himself consider anything other than getting his friend back.

Itachi felt guilty, because no matter what way this went, Naruto would never get his Teammate back. Not in him.

The holding cell was exactly as it sounded—a small, secure cell, just off of the chamber where the trial would take place. Two ANBU guards stood on either side of the door. Presumably, they were visible in order to provide an obvious deterrent to the cell's occupant, as well as to anyone who might approach the cell.

Kakashi nodded to the two, and they shifted to open the door. Itachi walked in without prompting, and watched passively as they locked him in. He felt the slight prickle of jutsu being charged; containment seals, he assumed.

"The guards will escort you into the chamber when the Council calls for you," Kakashi said.

"It'll be totally boring, but they won't let us keep you company," Naruto said in equal measures apology and annoyance. "Sorry, teme. But we'll see you after!"

Kakashi was watching Itachi with a level grey eye; it seemed almost like he wanted to tell him something else, but all he said was: "Come on Naruto, Sakura. We need to be in our own places."

He put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and steered him away, but Sakura hesitated, her eyes flickering all over Itachi's face. She edged a little closer, eyebrows drawing together and tilting worriedly. She murmured: "You still don't believe you're Sasuke, do you?"

It had the sound of a rhetorical question, and in any case, Itachi did not believe that she really wanted to hear the answer, so he just stayed quiet. She gave a very small, pained smile. "Good luck, Uchiha-san."

She left, and Itachi sat slowly down on the cell's bench. He eyed the backs of the ANBU guards, then glanced around at his surroundings. It was obvious that the secondary function of the cell was to intimidate its occupants and to get them off-balanced before they faced the council. Itachi, having been resigned to his fate and the probable outcome of this trial for the last couple of days, was unaffected. His only worry was that Team Seven would succeed in pleading leniency on his behalf.

With nothing else to do, Itachi closed his eyes and settled down to wait, expecting it to be some time before he was called. There was no clock, either in his cell or in the room, so he wasn't sure just how long it was, but he had been meditating for a while when a shinobi with a vaguely familiar face opened the door and nodded to the two ANBU. They opened his cell, and he stood up.

Coming into the chamber where the Council, Hokage, ranking ninja officers, and the clans' representatives already sat, he ignored the small stir of murmurings and staring eyes. It was clear where he would sit, it being the only empty chair in the room, and obviously placed, and he walked to it calmly.

The chamber was set up as an indoor amphitheater, a small half-circle with a pitched floor. There were several levels of seats on the slope, with a large, thick table set at the bottom. Tsunade sat in the middle of this table, with the Council of Elders filling the seats to either side of her. Behind them were the Clan Heads and Heirs of the village's major clans, and behind them were the ranking officers of Konoha's ninja forces. Itachi's seat was at the focus of the amphitheater, where everyone could see him, and he could see everyone. Like the Hokage's and Council's seats, it was a long table. The middle seat was open, and on either side were the members of Team Seven. As Sasuke's Teammates and the most immediate witnesses to his crimes, they were required to give testimonies, so they were to sit the bench as well.

Itachi sat down, flanked by Kakashi and Naruto on his right and Sakura on his left. He caught her uncomfortable/nervous shifting out of the corner of his eye, but ignored it in favor of inspecting his 'judges.'

He was somewhat surprised when the Hokage proved to be a buxom, blonde woman, rather than the elderly, bearded man he vaguely remembered. She stared at him with amber-colored eyes. He met them briefly, and then—as was polite for a Clan whose eyes could kill at a blink—lowered his gaze to the desk in front of him. After an appropriate pause, he looked up again to continue scanning the rest of the faces.

His attention was immediately drawn to a figure in the upper seats—clad in a bone-white robe, hood up, face obscured by a black, blue, and white Bear mask. The vice-commander of ANBU. Itachi, rubbing his left shoulder absently, tried not to stare at the masked ninja. He forced his gaze to the others sitting in that level. Ibiki, the leader of the T&I Force. A man who he did not recognize, but identified by the insignia on his clothes marking him the captain of the Keimu Butai. The rest appeared to be an array of desk ninja, presumably ranking officers from each of the divisions—Intelligence, Tactical, Recovery, Medical, Defense… There were also three typewriters set up in a corner, not a part of the trial, but only there to record the proceedings. The men and women at them looked to be either civilians or very low-ranking ninja.

Itachi's gaze slipped to the next level. He recognized the Nara Clan Head and his Heir by their bored expressions, the Inuzuka by their tattoos and their dogs, the Aburame by their tinted glasses, the Hyuuga and the Yamanaka by their pupil-less eyes (pearl and blue, respectively), and the Akimichi Clan Head and Heir by their masses.

"The Council calls to order the trial of one Uchiha Sasuke," intoned a dry, age-cracked voice. Itachi looked to the speaker—Mitokado Homura. Which meant… yes, right beside him, Utatane Koharu. In their corner, the typists started up in a muted chatter of keys.

"The Council lays before the Hokage and assembled representatives the charges against Uchiha Sasuke…"

A projector clicked and whirred to life, casting an image up on the flat wall behind Itachi and Team Seven, presumably enumerating his crimes. He didn't turn to look at it. His attention was consumed by the last person seated at the Council table.

_The paper crinkled in his hand as he held it in front of him for the nth time. His eyes weren't focused on the words; they did need to be, he'd read it countless time already. The words were burned into his mind._

_ 'Preemptive defensive strike.'_

"…and three degrees of treasonous acts listed—"

Itachi gasped loudly, his hands slamming down on the top of the desk, interrupting Homura and calling the attention of every person in the chamber to him. He paled and swayed as every memory he previously had not been able to recall came flooding into his mind all at once. It was a buzzing, whirling maelstrom.

He was Uchiha Itachi. Born to the Uchiha Head Family. Graduated the Academy at age seven, activated the Sharingan at four, mastered it at eight, made Chuunin at ten. ANBU captain at thirteen. He'd only been in the elite organization briefly before he became a missing-nin, for the crimes of familicide and treason.

Familicide?

In the surprised silence of the chamber, his whisper was like a shout.

"It was an **order**. The Uchiha Massacre was on orders."

There was one beat more of silence, and then the chamber erupted into chaos.

* * *

_TH: Oh yes. I am that evil. See you next week~!  
_


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry, this is a bit late. But it's here! Please read and review! Thanks muchly.  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

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Sakura tried to ignore the sick roiling of her stomach as she walked into the trial chamber, knowing that her nerves would do absolutely nothing to help Sasuke, and knowing that the calmer she was the easier her own part would be. But apparently, her ninja instincts were running on high, because the nervous something-is-wrong-here sensation would not abate, no matter how much controlled breathing she did. She was distracted somewhat from it when the Council entered the chamber and the trial began.

They started in the absence of Uchiha-san; it was standard practice when trying dangerous criminals to address as much of the trial as possible without exposing Konoha's leaders to said dangerous criminal. Even though the room was swarming with invisible ANBU, not to mention the fighting prowess of all the leaders themselves, it was best not to tempt fate overmuch. They were already putting all of the ranking ninja of the Village in the same room as a notorious S-class missing-nin. They didn't have to risk themselves beyond that by having him present for parts of the trial he didn't need to be there for. It was one of the few Rules that were worth anything: Minimize risk.

They called the trial to order, and started by presenting the evidence that their prisoner was, in fact, Uchiha Sasuke. To be able to try him, it was necessary that they establish he was the accused.

Tsunade, Sakura, and the Head of the Medical Division were called upon to confirm the blood test that had been run while Uchiha-san had been hospitalized. The projector on the Council's table threw the image of the test results up on the wall, set next to the record from the test run on twelve-year-old Sasuke for comparison. They were obviously the same.

Then the image changed to Sasuke's Academy graduation photo, set next to a photo of the Uchiha, unconscious in a hospital bed. Though there was a difference in age, there was also a clear resemblance. The vice-commander of ANBU, Kakashi, and Hyuuga Hiashi—all skilled in detecting and recognizing ninjutsu—testified that there was no henge or genjutsu at play.

Then (grudgingly), the Council informed the assembly of the Uchiha's amnesia. It was clear from their tone that they were only divulging that information because Tsunade had cited law at them to force them. Ibiki and Shizune testified to the validity of the diagnosis. With more enthusiasm, the Council also brought forth the evidence that, despite his apparent amnesia, Uchiha-san cited memories that corresponded to known facts about Sasuke, hinting that he was Uchiha Sasuke. They played clips from the recording Ibiki had made of Uchiha-san's questioning, in the hospital when he'd first woken. It was testified that the clips and the quotes were truthful and un-altered.

Finished providing the base for their trial, the Council called the accused in.

He took his seat between her and Kakashi, and everything was fine until the trial restarted.

"It was an **order**." Uchiha-san's voice was a strained whisper, his face deathly pale. His hands braced him against the table. "The Uchiha Massacre was on orders."

For a second Sakura couldn't even process his words—they sounded like gibberish. It seemed like everyone else was suffering the same failure of comprehension, because the room was utterly still.

But then they understood, and everything exploded into motion and noise.

Sakura was first aware of Kakashi taking up a defensive position between Sasuke and the Council. Everybody was shouting, and there were suddenly too many ANBU, and they were fighting each other. But that wasn't right, because ANBU were…

"Sakura! We need egress!" Kakashi was shouting in her ear. He had a kunai in one hand, and Uchiha-san's upper arm in the other, and his hitai-ate was shoved up to bare his borrowed Sharingan. Sakura stared, as Naruto leapt, snarling, to intercept an attack apparently aimed for Uchiha-san. "**Sakura**!"

Kakashi's sharp, authoritative voice banished the last of the astonished haze from her mind. She snapped to attention. A way out. Right. "On it, sensei!"

Turning sharply, Sakura ran a practiced eye over the wall that they'd been using as a projector screen. Then, with swift and devastating precision, she punched it out with one chakra-strengthened fist. A hole wide enough for three people to pass through side-by-side, and tall enough to accommodate Kakashi and his hair, crumbled out. Beyond it stretched the tiled rooftops of Konoha.

_:There. Egress,: _Sakura thought with satisfaction. She turned to Kakashi and Naruto, who had been guarding her back and Uchiha-san's life. The Copy Ninja shoved the Uchiha at her.

"Take him and go to Whiskey-Echo-Five," Kakashi ordered. "Naruto and I will stop pursuit."

Sakura hesitated a mere fraction of a second. "Understood."

Grabbing Uchiha's wrist, she pulled him along with her as she ran at speed out across the roofs.

Whiskey-Echo-Five was one of Team Seven's rendezvous points, predetermined and known only by the Team itself—it was common protocol for ninja Teams to establish such points, for any number of reasons. They just never expected to have to use it for something like this.

Uchiha went easily, willingly. When she glanced back at him, his face was still pale, making his black eyes and the dark smudges under them stand out vividly. She wondered if he was okay. He'd been pretty shocked.

_:Either that or he was lying,: _whispered a snide, suspicious voice at the back of her mind. It was possible, of course. But, she just didn't think he was. And she'd learned early on to trust her instincts and intuition. _:Even though I REALLY don't want him to have been telling the truth. Giving the order to kill a whole Clan… Is that something Konoha is really capable of?:_

"On the left," Uchiha-san said, quietly so that just Sakura could hear him. She blinked. Ah. Well, she hadn't expected Kakashi and Naruto to be able to stop every single pursuer. They had their hands full with the mess in the Council chamber. This pursuer came from somewhere within the Village.

"He's trying to herd us toward his comrades," Uchiha said, after a moment. They'd just hit one of the larger wooded areas of the Village, passing seamlessly from rooftop to tree canopy.

"Oh, really?" Sakura murmured. She pulled out a brace of shuriken and held them in the standard double-throw grip. It was somewhat easy to evade attempts to lead; when Sakura wanted to go right, she'd attack to force the pursuer to the left, thereby opening the path. It worked well, letting them get about a mile further in their own direction. The only thing was…

"Look out!" she snapped, juking to the side. She shoved Uchiha the opposite way, and the Suiton Dragon that had been aimed at their backs went roaring through the space between.

The only thing about thwarting attempts at herding was that the person doing the herding eventually gave up and resorted to other methods. Like attacking.

Sakura span around, spotted the attacker—he was charging toward Uchiha-san—and shunshin'd to intercept. With a clash of kunai, she forced him to break off attacking Uchiha. Her eyes flicked up to the hitai-ate on his brow. It bore the swirled etching of Hidden Leaf.

"Who are you?" she demanded. He had a plain, blank face that she couldn't remember ever having seen before. "Why are you attacking a fellow Leaf ninja?"

He didn't answer, not that she really expected him to. Her eyes narrowed as she deflected another attack. "If you persist in attacking me, I will be forced to judge your actions treasonous and take action to eliminate the threat to Konoha!"

Evidently, that possibility didn't disturb him, because he lunged again, kunai reaching for her gut. She swept her own weapon down in a tight arc, pushing his kunai to the side so that it passed right by her torso. Committed to his strike, his arm followed, just enough so that when Sakura's arm came snapping in to her side, it trapped his wrist between her body and her arm. With that arm immobilized, she gave a quick jab of a chakra-powered fist toward his kidneys.

He twisted like an eel, evading the punch and freeing his arm. Sakura jumped back, away from him. Almost immediately, he started flitting through some hand-seals. Sakura's eyes narrowed. _:I don't think so.:_

She stamped one foot, and the ground heaved. She followed it up with a barrage of shuriken. Her attacker jumped to avoid the shattering earth, and was forced to break his hand-seals to parry the projectiles. When he landed, Sakura forced him airborne again by tossing an exploding-tag-bearing kunai at his feet. In mid-air, they engaged in a flurry of taijutsu, culminating in Sakura ax-kicking him to the ground.

She wasn't as fast as some of her comrades, which meant that she had to try a little harder to make a hit. But when she did land one, it **counted**. The kick she'd just graced this shinobi with broke some bones, at the very least.

_:Hm. Definitely some ribs.: _she thought clinically as her attacker rose and coughed. He seemed to be breathing with difficulty. _:Pneumothorax?: _

She concentrated on one hand to form chakra scalpels on her fingers. She flexed her hand, five chakra blades extending like blue-green claws from her fingertips, and smirked at him.

It was at that moment that Uchiha appeared behind the injured shinobi, driving a kunai into his kidney. He must have grabbed one of the weapons they'd been tossing around during the fight. He twisted the blade, and their attacker's mouth dropped open… and he collapsed limply. A wound like that, he would have gone into shock instantly.

"Why did you do that?" she demanded, appalled. He gave her a puzzled look.

"Ones such as he will not stop unless they are dead."

"I could have incapacitated him!" Sakura said. "I'm a medic, I know how to make them stop **without **killing them!"

"We need to continue," Uchiha said, ignoring her. "He called reinforcements before engaging with us."

She stared at him a moment. _:Should I take the kunai away from him? I don't want to murder my way out of here. They **are **__wearing Leaf hitai-ate, and I'm not sure if they really are friend or foe. And anyway, what if he turns on me? He is a traitor, he's all but admitted it…:_

"Let's go," she said, making a snap decision. She'd trust him with it for now. If she moved fast enough she could incapacitate before he could kill. And he might need to defend himself.

Since Uchiha couldn't use his chakra, they couldn't use shunshin to travel at top speed. With that handicap, the dead shinobi's reinforcements caught up with them quickly.

"What the hell is up with these guys?" Sakura growled as she caught a Fuuma shuriken and sent it whizzing back toward its origin.

"They are Root," Uchiha said. "And they have orders to kill us."

"Us? What is this 'us'?" Sakura muttered under her breath, even as her stomach dropped at the words. Hand dipping into a side pouch, she slapped some exploding tags onto a few branches in her wake. A few steps later and a series of explosions made the ground rumble.

Sakura stopped dead, and turned, so that when the Root agents emerged from the smoke from the blasts, they overshot her before they realized she was there. As they attempted to turn, she was on them.

Training with Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Ninja, and Senju Tsunade, the Slug Sannin, had made her much more dangerous. In point of fact, their training had helped her to become the match for an S-class Akatsuki member—with some help from Chiyo-baasama, Sakura had killed Akasuna no Sasori. A pair of Root members wouldn't be too much of a challenge, in comparison.

She hamstrung one before they were able to readjust, using her chakra scalpels to sever the tendons without cutting flesh. It would be physically impossible for him to move now, unless he dragged himself around by his hands. He wouldn't even be able to stand properly.

But he could still lash out. His arms worked perfectly fine, as he proved a second later, when he launched a handful of kunai at her. Sakura twitched out of the way, her body undulating as she wove herself around the trajectories of the weapons. She didn't get it quite right, though, because one made a pretty decent slice in her arm as it passed by.

She hissed, feeling the burn of poison in the wound. She shoved a chakra block around it, to contain the poison until she could take the time to flush it out of her system.

Kicking off of one foot, she broke into a crouched run, straight toward the second Root. He flicked through a few hand seals, and a wave of water rose from the ground in front of her, welling up into a clear threat. That much water moving with that much force behind it could break bones when it came crashing down on a person.

Sakura punched the ground, making a great slab of dirt and stone lurch vertical right in front of her. With a spinning kick, she sent the mass hurtling forward. It crashed into the Suiton with a great explosion of water and dirt and newly-formed mud. The wave broke against the great slab of earth, diminishing the force and volume of the water at the break-point. Sakura leapt through the hole in the Suiton, fist cocked, but as she cleared the white-cap, she saw that someone had gotten there first.

Naruto and Kakashi had caught up to them, and Naruto had mobbed the remaining Root with a couple Kage Bunshin. Kakashi was standing over the hamstrung Root, his Sharingan exposed. The hamstrung shinobi was lying unmoving at his feet.

"Where's Sasuke?" the real Naruto demanded, looking around. Sakura jolted, opened her mouth to respond. But before she could, there was a rustle, and Uchiha dropped out of a tree nearby, kunai held in a ready stance.

"Sakura-san, confirm their identities," he said. She blinked, eyes flicking toward her two Teammates.

"Sparrows enter swiftly with kimono." Kakashi gave his pass code without fuss. A random, nonsensical sentence, it was known only to Hatake Kakashi.

"Confirmed," Sakura said, and looked at Naruto.

"Electric papers coil clockwise," he said.

"Naruto…" Sakura said forbiddingly, frowning.

"Sorry, sorry, **counter-clockwise**," he corrected. She relaxed; the reprimand-correction was actually a part of their code, and thoroughly assured her that they were her Teammates. She glanced at Uchiha.

"I don't suppose you remember Sasuke's pass code?" she asked. He stared at her levelly for a moment, and then turned to Kakashi.

"Even moss pays tithe," he told the older shinobi. Kakashi's eyes narrowed, and very quietly he said:

"I thought so."

"Kakashi, that isn't—" Naruto started.

"It's fine," Kakashi interrupted. "Cancel order Whiskey-Echo-Five. We're heading to a safe-house. Let's go."

Confused, Sakura glanced between Uchiha and Kakashi, and shared a puzzled look with Naruto. That wasn't Sasuke's pass code. But Kakashi seemed to have recognized it anyway. _:What is going on?:_

Her stomach was starting to writhe again, like she'd swallowed a nest of snakes. Dread, for what the answers she would get would be.

When Kakashi signaled them to move out, and launched himself forward to take point, she followed without comment. She wasn't sure she wanted to ask those questions just yet. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answers.


	11. Chapter 11

_Howdy y'all. Got another chapter for yez. Hope you enjoy it! Please don't forget to review.  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

* * *

Now that Naruto and Kakashi had joined them, it was easier to evade pursuit and lay false trails. Naruto, with his Kage Bunshin, set down several false trails. Kakashi gave the blond a few pointers and a little help that would make the trails, he assured them, good enough to confuse even the elite Root.

It didn't take them too long to make it to the safe house—a hidden place equipped with strong ward-seals that was used by Konoha ninja who were under pursuit. Sometimes, after missions, enemies would try to hunt Leaf-nin down, following them even into Fire Country territory. Since it would be bad if the Leaf-nin led enemies straight to Konoha's door, there were these safe houses. Once a Konoha ninja activated the ward-seals, nobody—neither friend nor foe—would be able to enter the location until the ward was taken down by those inside. They were some of the strongest seals on record, dating back to the founding of the Hidden Villages. They would be safe, at least until they decided they were prepared enough to drop the wards.

As soon as they'd made it to the sealed area, Kakashi activated it. Sakura felt the seals take as a wash of warm, fizzing energy across her senses.

At the center of the sealed area's fifty-meter diameter was a small, sheltering cave. They swept it for any resident animals, and then settled themselves.

Almost immediately, Kakashi turned to Uchiha.

"Alright," he said. "Now I want some answers."

"Oi, Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto started to protest. The Copy Ninja held up a hand to silence him, and he subsided, frowning.

"I'll tell you everything I can," Uchiha said.

"Good," Kakashi said, a hint of a dangerous edge to his voice. He hadn't re-adjusted his hitai-ate, and both his eyes stared with a hard light to them. "Then start by telling me what you're doing with my student's body, Uchiha Itachi-kun."

Sakura nearly choked on the air she was breathing.

"What?" Naruto asked flatly. "What?"

Uchiha looked at Kakashi. "I had wondered if you'd guessed. Almost… hoped."

"I suspected from the start. We worked together in ANBU; I at least recognized your manner," Kakashi replied dismissively. "Now, your answer."

"You can't possibly be serious," Sakura burst out.

"Yeah, there's no way he's Itachi! Sasuke killed him!" Naruto added, fiercely. His hands were curled into fists at his sides.

Kakashi slanted a look at them. "You two have noticed as well. You do yourselves no favors pretending otherwise."

Sakura's mouth snapped shut, and her stomach wretched sharply in distress. _:You know he's right.:_

"No," she whispered. "No. I can't…"

"Sakura?" Naruto's pleading voice made her look at him. Seeing the pained denial in his eyes—he knew it also, but wouldn't admit it—she winced, recalling Uchiha-san's words, days earlier: _He doesn't want to lose his friend._ She couldn't bear Naruto's hope, so she looked instead at the man wearing Sasuke's face.

"You were supposed to be dead," she said, almost plaintively.

"I was dead," he told her, told them. He paused. "But then I woke up."

"Liar! You're **lying**!" Naruto snarled. There was blood dripping from his clenched fists now, and his pupils stretched and shrunk, wavering between human-round and animal-vertical.

"Naruto!" Kakashi snapped, using his Team Leader voice, "Go outside and cool off."

Naruto's nostrils flared and he flexed his hands a couple of times before stalking out of the cave with a disturbingly predatory grace. Kakashi watched him leave, and then moved his icy gaze back to Itachi.

"Perhaps start from the beginning," he suggested coolly.

"From the beginning?" Itachi echoed. "From the **beginning**, or from the beginning of **this**?" He gestured at his borrowed—stolen?—body. Then he shook his head and started without an answer:

"As I said before, Sasuke killed me. I was dead. And then I woke up, and I was sick, and like this. I don't know what happened."

"That isn't the answer we want," Kakashi informed him.

"It's the only one I have," Itachi said, a little sharply. "I don't know what happened while I was dead. I just remember that I **was**, until I opened my eyes. I didn't know what had happened. I didn't know where I was, or who I was. I knew only that I had to get away."

"And then we found you," Sakura said quietly.

"And then you found me," he agreed. "And you brought me to Konoha."

"When did you remember?" Sakura asked. She recalled how many times he'd said that he wasn't Sasuke. Had he known, so early?

"I knew I was Itachi when Hatake-san told me who had killed the Uchiha. I didn't **remember **until the trial."

They fell silent, remembering the trial. What had been said. _It was an order._

Sakura tried to push it from her mind. It couldn't be true. It couldn't, because that would mean… She bit her bottom lip. Part of her wanted Itachi and Kakashi to just keep ignoring that particular 'elephant in the room', but another part just wanted them to face it and get it over with. Part of her **needed **to know.

"Who gave the order?"

Sakura flinched and jumped slightly at the question, and at who had actually asked it. Naruto moved back into the cave stiffly, his voice slightly hoarse. He looked drained and pale, but his eyes burned bright blue, determined and resigned at once. Itachi watched him for a moment before responding.

"It was Danzo's mind that came up with the idea, and his hand that passed the order down. But it was the whole Council that went behind the Hokage's back to approve the mission; Sandaime-sama's diplomatic negotiations had run out of time."

Sakura noted how Naruto's stance relaxed a little after hearing that his 'Jiji' had not been party to the Massacre. Still, he asked, harshly: "You didn't do anything to stop it? You just accepted the mission?"

Itachi's gaze sharpened. "You cannot know how much I wished Sandaime-sama's negotiations had succeeded." His eyes closed and his chin dropped. "I could not see another way. The Clan would not be appeased, and the threat of a coup d'etat was growing. If the Uchiha had gone through with their plans, hundreds of innocents would have died. In the worst case, thousands. I could not let that happen."

He opened his eyes, looked at them squarely. "I accepted the mission because it was the best path I could see at the time, and there was no more time to look for better. And if **I** was the one to do it… then I could name a condition. I could save Sasuke."

Something like an explosion was occurring in Sakura's skull. Like his words were a fuse, her thoughts were bursting into bright, shocking ideas and revelations.

"Save Sasuke?" Naruto echoed, sounding surprised and angry. "What, like you loved him or something? You killed his family! You tortured him!"

"No, Naruto," Sakura said softly. She stared at Itachi. "Don't you see? He **wanted **Sasuke to hate him. He wanted Sasuke to kill him."

"You were the scapegoat," Kakashi said thoughtfully. "You became an enemy of the Village to save the Village. And you couldn't let Sasuke keep loving his older brother. Sasuke had to hate you, had to stay loyal to Konoha. Sasuke couldn't know that the Council gave the order to kill his family."

"Correct," Itachi said quietly. "I had hoped to give Sasuke a purpose, a goal to keep him from despair. I had hoped my death would give him closure. And I had hoped to… atone, in this way."

Sakura shivered a little.

Itachi's voice dropped a bit more and he admitted: "I had not anticipated Orochimaru. I hadn't intended for Sasuke to ever leave Konoha. But even so, I took care of Orochimaru and the Cursed Seal during my fight with Sasuke. With his goal accomplished and Orochimaru's influence gone, Sasuke should have returned to the Village."

"He didn't, obviously," Sakura said, sorrowfully, without rancor. "We were close on Sasuke's trail, when you and he fought. But when we got there, there was nothing. Even your body was gone. And someone had taken Sasuke."

Itachi's head jerked up, and his gaze—though he had no Sharingan—froze her. "What?" he said. "Someone tookSasuke? He didn't leave under his own power? He was **taken**?"

Sakura drew back a little, surprised by his sudden intensity.

"Yes," Kakashi responded for her. "Once we reached the battleground, there were only fading chakra signatures and rainwater washing away blood. We could identify your signature and Sasuke's, but not the others."

"Others?"

Kakashi made an absent gesture. "One smelled of plants, green things. The other smelled of… ash."

Itachi made an abortive jerk, as if he wanted to bolt out of the cave and away.

"Madara," he hissed, the expression on his face matching the intensity in his voice. This time, even Kakashi took a step back at the blaze of emotion.

* * *

_ "My, my… isn't it past your bedtime, my dear little clansman?" _

_ "I have a preposition for you, Uchiha Madara-sama."_

_ "Oh?"_

_ A glint of one amused, red iris…_

Itachi had always known that Madara was dangerous—it was one of the reasons he insinuated his way to the ancient Uchiha's side: To keep an eye on one of Konoha's most threatening enemies. But in some ways he had underestimated the strength of Madara's hatred, his spite.

Madara had expressed a deep hatred for the Uchiha Clan, the people who (in his mind) had chosen the coward's way out of the war—becoming the allies of their enemies was tantamount to surrendering. He had, by word and deed, expressed his opinion that the Uchiha had become weak, foolish, useless. In all their dealings, Madara had treated Itachi with a sharp contempt or dismissive condescension. Going by this basis, Itachi had not anticipated Madara taking an interest in his little brother.

The thought that he had not foreseen the possibility and thus had not taken measures to protect Sasuke… the thought that Madara might be dripping his poison words into Sasuke's ear… It made Itachi fairly burn with fury. So much so that he could not, would not even try, to conceal it.

The effect of his bared emotion and spike of killer-intent on Team Seven was obvious in their concerted recoil.

Slowly and deliberately—allowing them to fully comprehend and process the weight and depth of his feeling—he drew in his emotions. Tamping them down to a bare simmer, he paused. Took a breath.

Then he started to tell them. About how he made a deal with Madara, eliciting the older Uchiha's help in the Massacre. About his reasons for working with the reviled nukenin. How he joined Akatsuki and maintained a constant flow of information to Konoha's Intelligence Department.

How all of his actions, from the time he'd accepted his hitai-ate to the day he died, were to protect Konoha in general and Sasuke in particular.

He told them everything he could remember, watching as the pinched, suspicious disbelief in Sakura and Naruto's faces morphed into horror, sadness, pity. Kakashi's mismatched eyes watched him, sharply aware and blank of reaction. Itachi probably wouldn't know what the Copy Ninja thought of the revelations until he was finished speaking.

At last, throat dry and voice beginning to hoarsen, Itachi fell silent. He waited.

Naruto was the first to speak. He demanded: "How can we believe you?"

His voice was shaking.

"It does make a terrible sort of sense," Sakura said, a tremor in her own voice. Naruto turned to her incredulously.

"He could be lying!"

"He isn't," Kakashi put in. He hadn't looked away from Itachi. "Or at least, he is lying so well that I can't tell."

Sakura and Naruto fell silent at that. Itachi could guess why. Kakashi was easily one of Konoha's best. He'd even been considered for Hokage at one point. And he had a Sharingan, which was difficult to fool. If he said that Itachi wasn't lying, then it was true, more likely than not.

But that meant that Konoha was complicit in the deaths of all the Uchiha. Itachi could see in Naruto and Sakura's faces the struggle they were having with such an ideal-shattering truth. It was Naruto who seemed to be coping the better of the two, perhaps not surprisingly considering who—what—he was. Sakura was having a bit of a harder time coming to grips with it.

She stood staring at Itachi, denial on the surface of her expression and, beneath that, horrified belief. Her hands were opening and closing helplessly, like she wanted to **do **something, but was at a loss as to what she could do to make any of this better.

"I need…air. I need air," she said, words stilted. She turned and walked out of the cave.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked. His voice was far from the boisterous, loud and firm tone he usually affected. He sounded… young. Unsure. Hurt.

"Follow," Kakashi said. "She might need your support."

Naruto glanced uncertainly between his leader and Itachi.

"I'll stay here," Kakashi said. Naruto hesitated a bit more, then shot off after Sakura.


	12. Chapter 12

_Okay. I am SO sorry that this is so very late. All I can say is that life suddenly became very busy, and I had to take care of some important things. Things that, if left untouched, would leave me without much of a future at all. _

_Also... (this one I feel a bit more guilty for) I recently got Assassin's Creed: Revelations... and I... might have lost some time to that..._

_*ahem* But I felt really bad about this being late, so I buckled down and wrote. I hope you all can forgive me._

_One last thing. I had a question about where Sai was. In order to simplify the story, and to help me keep my sanity (I find Sai very difficult to write), he does not exist in this story's alternate universe. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone._

_Now, what you've all been waiting for (sorrysorrysorry). Please review!  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

Sakura sat with her knees drawn up to her chest, rubbing her face with her hands. She felt like something inside had broken. Not her heart, but something very similar.

It hurt.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto's voice was hesitant and quiet.

"Do you believe him?" she whispered, knowing he would hear.

Naruto sat down beside her slowly, and answered only when he was settled. "Yeah. I do."

"So do I," Sakura said, sounding absolutely anguished over the fact. "And I'm not sure if I should hate myself for it. How can it be so easy to believe our Village would do such a thing?"

"I've always known what Konoha was capable of," Naruto responded quietly. He stared at the ground before him. "I am the host of the demon that killed hundreds of the Village's people. The family and friends of all the people who live there now. For a while, they hated me for that fact. I was abused, emotionally, physically, verbally. Merchants wouldn't sell to me. It took Sandaime's intercession for me to even buy groceries. Kids took their cues from the adults, and shunned me.

"When I was five, a civilian pushed me down a flight of stone stairs. He thought he was doing the village a favor, getting rid of the demon child. Lucky for me, I'm more durable than other kids. I had a few broken ribs, a broken arm, and a concussion. But I lived.

"You know that I barely graduated the Academy. What you don't know is that I barely **survived **that day; Mizuki tried to kill me. I know what the Village is capable of. I know it real well."

"Naruto…" Sakura said, guilt in her voice.

"I don't **want** to believe that he's Itachi," Naruto continued, running over Sakura's words. "Because that means he's not Sasuke, and that I've failed **again** to bring him back."

Naruto paused and then gave a harsh little laugh. "But this stuff about the Massacre order… It makes it easier to believe. How sick is that? But, if I believe that Konoha ordered the Uchiha Massacre, then I have to believe the rest of the story, too. I have to believe that he's Itachi."

Sakura closed her eyes, profoundly unhappy.

"But, you know," Naruto's voice dropped and softened, "Old Man Hokage was always there for me. Teuchi and Ayame at Ichiraku's were always nice to me. And Iruka-sensei protected me from Mizuki."

He lifted his gaze and met Sakura's green eyes with his blue. "The whole Village wasn't mistreating me, only a part. There were ninja who trusted what the Fourth had done, and they treated me just like any kid. My Teammates became my friends, after a while. And as time passed there were more and more people who looked at me and saw Naruto, not the Kyuubi.

"There is always hope, Sakura," he concluded. "Itachi said that the order was a secret, and that nobody except the Council and the Hokage knew about it; and the Hokage wasn't even a part of issuing the order. It wasn't all of Konoha, not even close. It was just Danzo, and the Elders."

"You say 'just'," Sakura said dully, "but they're the Council of Elders, our **leaders**, Naruto. And we just found out that they are willing to go behind the Hokage's back, against the Hokage's wishes. They have been lying to us this whole time. They sanctioned the killing of dozens of Konoha citizens. How can I follow their orders now, knowing all this?"

"We won't! We won't follow their orders!" Naruto said firmly. Sakura gave him a blank look.

"Excuse me?" she said. "You realize that's a good way to get executed, right?"

"Well, we'll follow the orders that make sense," he amended. "The ones that don't go against the Will of Fire."

Sakura shook her head, unconvinced. Naruto bumped her shoulder with his. "And when I'm Hokage, I'll make sure they can't lie like that. I'll never allow another massacre."

Sakura's lips twitched in a weak smile at the re-emergence of Naruto's dream, which was probably what he'd intended by bringing it up. Naruto smiled back at her.

She didn't feel good about all this; the revelation that the man who they all believe to be Sasuke was actually Itachi, and the revelation that the Uchiha Massacre happened on orders from the Elders. In point of fact, she was downright sickened by it. Still, knowing that Naruto was with her helped ease the turmoil within her somewhat. At least, if she was going to have her worldview shattered, her Teammates would be there with her.

Sakura gave a small, humorless chuckle and scrubbed at her face again. "It'll be alright," Naruto told her. "Everything will turn out alright; now that the Hokage knows about the Massacre, she'll punish Danzo and all them. And we can help her. And Itachi will, too. Everybody heard the truth at that trial; they won't let Danzo win. I know it!"

_:If only I could be as sure as you, Naruto,: _Sakura thought sadly. To have Naruto's conviction would probably make this hurt a lot less. Aloud, all she could say was: "I hope so."

* * *

"You have not made it easy for yourself, you know," Kakashi told him as he watched Naruto chase after Sakura. Itachi shook his head slowly.

"I burned my bridges knowingly, willingly," he replied. "The opportunity to cross them again was never supposed to come up."

"Because you were supposed to die," Kakashi acknowledged.

"Yes." Itachi met Kakashi's thoughtful gaze, looked away again.

"If you remember what happened before you died, do you remember what happened that you are alive now?"

"I…" Itachi frowned. "I remember waking, in a cold stone room. And I remember being confused, disoriented. I couldn't even see properly, like I had forgotten how eyes work. And I was in danger."

"Were you alone?"

"Yes. Or, no. I think there was someone else there. Sleeping?" A shiver of remembered revulsion and confusion. "No. No, it… it was my body. _Mine_, Uchiha Itachi's. Or more precisely, it was my corpse."

There was a long pause, as Itachi tried to shake the remembered visceral horror of seeing yourself, dead, and as Kakashi thought.

"Do you think you could find that place again?" the Copy Ninja finally asked. Itachi looked at him.

_:He wants to try to find Sasuke,: _Itachi realized. Evidence would point to Madara having taken Itachi's corpse at the same time he took Sasuke's unconscious body from that final battlefield, which would imply that he put both in the same location. So, if Itachi's body had been there, Sasuke would have been, as well.

Itachi felt a knot of dread tie itself in his throat.

If all that speculation was true, what did it mean that Itachi's current body was a match for Sasuke's?

"I'm not sure the exact location," Itachi said, quietly, looking at the ground. "But I have a few ideas of where it might be."

* * *

When Sakura and Naruto came back, Itachi could see that they had calmed somewhat, had begun to come to grips with the revelations he had imparted. But there was still a shadow to their eyes, Sakura's in particular. And just as he had regretted tearing the innocence from Sasuke's eyes, Itachi mourned the bruised look in Sakura's expression. He cut off his conversation with Kakashi and looked away.

_:I had to tell them,: _he thought, though with guilt. _:If they didn't know what the Council was capable of, their trust might have been abused.:_

Kakashi stood to greet his returning students.

"We're fine, sensei," Sakura said quietly. Itachi nearly flinched at the weariness in her voice. _:Why must the only way I can protect people be by hurting them?:_

"What do we do now, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked. Itachi looked up to find the two younger ninja watching him, while Kakashi watched them. Itachi watched Kakashi, waiting for his response.

"I'm going to check to see if we can let go the wards," he said. "I want to get back to Konoha as soon as we can."

Of course. They'd left with the leaders of the Village metaphorically and literally crossing blades—Danzo's Root against Tsunade's ANBU. Sealed into this safe-house, Team Seven didn't know what was happening in their Village, or whether their help was needed by their Hokage. They'd only left to get Sasuke—Itachi—to safety. A knee-jerk reaction to both who they thought he was, and to what he'd said.

_It was an order. The Uchiha Massacre was on orders._

He'd said it, and then Danzo and Root had tried to kill him. Naruto and Sakura had protected him because they had still thought he was Sasuke. Kakashi, who had guessed otherwise, protected him to protect the information he had that expanded upon that ideal-shattering revelation. The others had probably tried to either kill or protect him for a myriad of other reasons, perhaps even the same ones as Team Seven.

That Danzo had tried to kill him immediately, without hearing more, probably helped Itachi's case more than anything. Ironic.

Kakashi ducked out the cave with a few murmured words to his students. Naruto huffed and crossed his arms impatiently. Sakura fixed her eyes on Itachi and took a few steps closer. He watched her quietly.

"I don't want to believe you," she told him bluntly. Naruto went very still and attentive in his corner. "But what you say makes too much sense. So I'm going to believe you… _provisionally. _There's nothing concrete to sway me one way or the other, and until there _is_, I'm going to treat you as a passive threat. You may not be my enemy, but you're not my friend either."

"I understand," he said. He let his eyes catch her a moment and then looked away. "Thank you. And… I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked, stiffly.

"That I… don't know where Sasuke is. And for…" he touched his face lightly. Sakura's skated across his expression a few time and then she gave a half-shrug and said:

"It's strange, but it apparently wasn't your fault. You don't have to apologize." And then it was her turn to look away, as she mumbled: "And we'll find Sasuke."

_:She can't quite bring herself to hope, either.: _The realization was surprising. From what he remembered, all of the members of Team Seven had been adamant in returning Sasuke to Konoha, even when he had made it clear that he would not go back willingly. But, perhaps, it had been so long, and there had been so many failures, that Sakura's limits had been tested to the breaking point. _:Was **I**__ the last straw? The failure that I am not Sasuke?:_

"I will do everything I can to help you," he told her, and the intently listening Naruto. He didn't know what had happened to Sasuke. There was a chance that his little brother was still alive. And if he was alive, he was most likely in Madara's tender care. Itachi would have to change that.

"There's no sign of enemies in the area," Kakashi said as he came back inside. "We should go now."

Naruto popped forward as if spring-loaded. It was clear that, although he'd been mostly preoccupied with the talk that had gone on after Itachi's revelation, he'd been chafing at hiding and waiting while—for all they knew—their comrades in the Village were fighting.

Sakura turned around almost as quickly to face Kakashi. "Do you think everyone's alright?" she asked, concern in her voice.

Kakashi's visible eye adopted an expression of dark humor. "Everyone?"

There was a very sinister lilt to his voice, suggesting that he was aware of a few people who would not be alright when he was through with them.

"Well, everyone besides Danzo and his minions," Sakura amended, with an echoing coldness.

"Tsunade-baachan and ANBU and all the Heads of the Clans were there," Naruto said. "There's no way anything bad could have happened with them there."

Kakashi was crouched by where Itachi had seated himself against the cave wall. "We're going to be using shunshin. I'll have to carry you."

Itachi inclined his head, acquiescing.

* * *

There was no outward sign that, just a few hours before, there had been a pitched battle inside the main administrative building of Konohagakure no Sato. In fact, Sakura noted, there was no sign that any disturbance had occurred at all; the Chuunin gate guards greeted them calmly, saying only: "The Hokage requested that you report directly to her office after you check in with us."

Team Seven exchanged Looks. It seemed as if the incident had been swept under the rug, so to speak. Kakashi amiably thanked the guards, and followed his Team into the Village.  
Sakura was grimly silent on the way to Tsunade's office, grateful that they took the roofs, bypassing the busy main streets and happily bustling citizens. Embittered as she was by Itachi's truths, she didn't think she could keep her temper if faced by what was apparently another of her Village's lies. Even though her logical, rational side understood that it was better to keep the fact that Konoha's leaders had been literally fighting amongst themselves secret, she could help but get a bit riled at the fact that it was covered up so neatly that the Village had no idea what had happened. ANBU and the ranking officials who had been present at the trial had probably already been sworn to secrecy. The civilians and the lower-ranking ninja might never know how close the Village came to civil war.

Again.

Sakura gritted her teeth. Yes, she understood why it had to be secret, but that didn't mean she didn't feel betrayed. She hated this! She was confused and betrayed and grieving but she just **couldn't **hate Konoha for it, not when it kept everybody safe.

_:This is how Itachi must have felt. Must still feel,: _murmured her reasonable self. _:Stuck between betrayal and understanding.:_

Internally, she railed at what was so hopeless and helpless. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. She condemned genocide, but honored altruism. But Itachi's actions had been both—he had sacrificed his family, his happiness, and to a certain extent, his sanity, for the good of the Village as a whole. For Fire Country as a whole.

And she wanted to protect Konoha, but hated lying. But what would their enemies do if they caught wind of internal strife within Konoha? What would Iwa, nursing a grudge from the last Shinobi War, do? What would Kumo? Kiri? All Konoha could be sure about was that Suna would not attack them, not while Gaara was Kazekage. Sakura was one of a select few who knew that Root and ANBU had raised arms against each other this day. She had to keep that secret. She had to lie to her comrades. Deceive her precious people. Mislead the very ones she most owed the truth, so that she could continue to keep them safe.

Her dilemma was so much less than Itachi's, but it still left a foul taste in her mouth. She felt a stirring of sorrow and empathy for the stoic Uchiha. If she was so torn up over simply lying to her family, then how damaged must he be for having had to **kill **his?

Sakura wanted to curl up in a dark corner and pretend the world didn't exist; this was beyond any horror she had steeled herself for during her ninja training. That showed now in how unsettled she was, and probably how haggard her expression was.

They reached the door to the Hokage's office and paused. Kakashi put a hand on her shoulder and Naruto's, squeezed lightly, and then stepped between them to open the door and led them in.


	13. Chapter 13

_Okay, apparently late is the new on-time. I... uh... got lost on the road of life?  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

Tsunade's face was wan and aged somehow, though the jutsu she maintained over herself was still intact. She looked from Kakashi's face to Naruto's to Sakura's, before her gaze settled on Itachi's.

"Shimura Danzo is dead," she told them bluntly. The words sent a jolt through Itachi's body. Beside him, Naruto's posture stiffened, and Sakura inhaled sharply. "He attacked me as his subordinates attacked my ANBU, and you. While I regret that it proved impossible to stop him without fatal force, the fact that he launched such an attack in response to Sasuke's words is as much an admission of guilt as a verbal confession. And I imagine that, had we been able to capture him alive, interrogation would have proved ineffectual anyway."

She paused, watching their reactions. Itachi was peripherally aware of Naruto and Sakura watching him in awkward hesitance, but largely he was preoccupied with the rush of surprising relief that washed through him.

He hadn't known he'd hated Danzo quite so much. But the feelings of relief and… vindication that he was experiencing now made clear that he had never quite forgiven Danzo for issuing that order.

"He is dead?" Itachi breathed. Tsunade folded her arms.

"Oh yes. Quite dead," she said, the tone of her voice making clear that **she **had been the one to land the final blow.

Itachi took a shaky breath; his reaction to the news surprised him and overwhelmed his stoic bearing.

"Now. Even though **Danzo **died without explaining anything, **you **are here and you will explain. Everything, if you please, Uchiha."

"Yes," he replied, a bit absently. He paused, closing his eyes and collecting himself. When he opened his eyes he looked at the Hokage and said, "To begin, I want to make one thing clear, and I beg you for the sake of the Village to keep an open mind."

Tsunade lifted one dark blonde eyebrow at him. He said: "I am not Uchiha Sasuke. I am Uchiha Itachi."

She tensed, and he could sense the hidden ANBU in the room tensing as well. He kept his posture as lax and non-threatening as possible. He waited, as Tsunade's narrowed eyes watched him. Finally, her fingers tapped a staccato on her bent arm.

"I see," she said. "And how, exactly, did this come about?"

Her accompanying hand gesture was vague, but Itachi understood what she meant. So he straightened his spine, lifted his chin, and made his report.

He told her about Madara, about his orders, his family, Sasuke, Akatsuki. He told her how he had died, and woken again.

Team Seven listened closely, no doubt taking advantage of hearing the story again, this time without their shock twisting their analysis of it.

After, Tsunade remained silent, staring with an unreadable expression at each of them in turn. Her gaze lingered longest on Itachi, unsurprisingly. Finally, she propped her chin on her elbow, leaning against her desk.

"Well. Your account of the Massacre agrees with what we've read in the scrolls we've recovered from Danzo's hidden Root vaults."

Itachi jolted a little. Scrolls?

Tsunade was smirking. She flicked her fingers at the innocuous pile of scrolls at the corner of her desk. "Sorry for the subterfuge, but I felt it would be best if you offered the information on your own, without any prompting. After I killed Danzo, we traced the Root activity back to their base. I suppose I should be grateful that the old grouch kept meticulous records. But in any case, his observations of the Uchiha Clan, and his documentation of his orders to you, were brought to me about two hours ago."

Her eyebrows furrowed into a scowl. "I can't believe that bastard was running this under my nose. Tch."

"So the Uchiha Clan really was killed on orders?" Sakura interrupted, albeit softly. Tsunade looked at her student.

"I'm afraid so," the Hokge replied. Sakura nodded, once, without surprise. She subsided into thoughtful silence, as Tsunade's attention slid back to Itachi.

"My question to you…" the pause was almost unnoticeable "…Itachi-san, is: What now? What do you intend?"

"Intend?" he said softly. "Eight hours ago I still didn't know who I was. I don't have anything so well thought-out as intentions."

"I suppose I should ask it bluntly, then," she said, unperturbed. "Are you going to revenge yourself on Konoha?"

"I have never wished to do so," Itachi told her firmly.

"Then, do you wish to stay here?"

"I…" Itachi paused. "I am not sure."

"Then, Uchiha Itachi, what do you **want**?"

Itachi found himself shocked speechless. Want? When was the last time someone had asked him that? When was the last time he had been able to indulge in his wants?

"Tsunade-baachan," Naruto said. "He said he wants to help us find Sasuke."

The Hokage's face became clouded. "No."

"What?" Naruto said, confused.

"No. I will not allow you three to go gallivanting across the countries again chasing someone you don't even know is still alive," Tsunade said implacably.

"But—!" Kakashi slipped his hand over Naruto's mouth before the rest of the furious protest made it out.

"Akatsuki is still active, and targeting the Jinchuuriki." Tsunade looked pointedly at Naruto. "And, besides not knowing if he's even alive, Sasuke had proven resistant to attempts at retrieval. I'm not sending you all out into danger for the sake of mere sentimentality."

Naruto looked like he was about to explode. But Tsunade had switched her stare to Itachi, and was ignoring the blond.

Itachi was thinking quickly, staring back at Tsuande, **knowing **that she was trying to give him a hint.

"Hokage-sama," he said slowly, an idea coming to him. "If you cannot allow me to search for my brother, I will accept and respect your decision. I will instead ask your permission to hunt down the man known as Uchiha Madara, otherwise identified as the masked Akatsuki member Tobi."

She narrowed her eyes, but there was the slightest hint of a smirk at the corners of her lips. "We still aren't sure if you are trustworthy. Why should I send you out when you may rejoin our enemies?"

"Hokage-sama," Kakashi put in, clearly catching on to the game. "Team Seven could accompany him, keeping an eye on him in case he proves untrustworthy, and aiding him against Madara if he is telling the truth."

Tsunade made a show of crossing her arms and leaning back, glaring at each of them. Naruto had fallen silent, and was watching and waiting with ill-concealed impatience. Sakura was holding her breath.

"Very well," Tsunade said. "I will draw up a mission scroll and sign it immediately. When will you leave?"

"As soon as we are outfitted and provisioned," Itachi said instantly.

"Right," Tsunade said, and then raised her voice: "Shizune!"

After a pause, the Hokage's assistant came in. "Yes, Tsunade-sama?"

"Pull the typical mission pack for an extended mission, enough to equip four. Also add a full field medic's pack and four ANBU Stimpacks," Tsunade said. Shizune blinked, her eyes widening at the last item. She glanced at Team Seven, Itachi, and back to Tsunade. Her desire to question was apparent, but she withheld and merely bowed.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." She bustled out of the office, presumably to arrange the equipment with the quartermasters.

The Hokage moved her focus back onto Team Seven. "Now. I'm sure you've noticed, but right now I am attempting to keep this… ah… paradigm shift out of the public's eye. And that includes the majority of the ninja ranks as well. Once you've gone, I will be introducing the matter in a controlled manner. In the meantime…"

"You want us to swear to secrecy," Kakashi said as she trailed off significantly.

"Yes." All trace of amusement was gone from Tsunade's expression and voice. "I know that it galls. But for now I want to keep a firm hand on this."

They had all already come to grips with the necessity of it. So they nodded, and when Tsunade brought out a document they made their oaths and signed their names. The process lasted until Shizune had returned with their supplies.

After they had taken the spoken oath of secrecy, and Tsunade had sealed the document, Shizune handed Kakashi a storage scroll. Kakashi unsealed the mission packs, medic kit, and Stimpacks and divided the materials up among Sakura, Naruto, Itachi, and himself. The med-pack, however, went wholly to Sakura.

As Tsunade wrote out the mission scroll for their Madara hunt, they sorted through their packs, strapping on things that were immediately useful and sealing away things that they might need later in storage scrolls.

"This mission will be graded S-rank, and classified. It will be sealed until such time as you complete it and return," Tsunade told them, once it had been written and they were standing before her with all their gear in order.  
"Are we expected to attempt to take Madara alive?" Kakashi asked.

"No. No, I think not," Tsunade said. "He constitutes too great a threat for me to sanction bringing him into the village. No, this mission will be a seek-and-destroy."

"Understood," they said.

"Hokage-sama, if I could," Itachi said. "I have one last request. I am well aware that your answer most likely will be in the negative, but would you consider unsealing my chakra for this mission?"

A few different emotions flashed across Tsunade's face; without his Sharingan to catch the quick flickers, he couldn't quite put names to them. "No," she said. "I think not."

And then, just as his heart gave a thud and lurch—_I cannot defeat Madara without chakra_—she added, "But I will give the seal's key to Kakashi. He will have the uncontested authority to make decisions about your sealing… or unsealing. But only **after **you leave Konoha's immediate vicinity."

Itachi inclined his head, momentarily speechless with relief, as Kakashi said: "I understand."

Tsunade watched them all for a minute, then jerked her head at them. "Alright, go. I'll send a missive to the gate guards to let you out. Kakashi, stay back a moment."

Itachi bowed deeply. "Thank you, Tsunade-sama, for everything."

"Don't make me regret it," she grunted, before the door closed between them.

* * *

Sakura feels dizzy with everything that has happened. A few hours ago her only worries were Akatsuki and whether the Council was going to order Sasuke's execution. Then Danzo and Root tried to kill him right there in the middle of the trial, and then she'd found out that Sasuke wasn't Sasuke after all and was really Itachi. And Itachi wasn't evil, he was merely following orders, killing his whole clan. And Sasuke was probably in the clutches of Madara, who was actually the mastermind behind everything bad that had been going on for the past several years. And now she, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, and Itachi were going off on a mission to take out Madara.

Yes. Her head was spinning. But her body was well trained, and walked her calmly to the front gates of Konoha. Reaction, following orders even when her higher mind was shocked.

Silence followed them. She didn't speak because she couldn't find anything to say. Words just withered and died on her tongue. Naruto was quiet because he was thinking, that much was obvious from his frown and furrowed brow. But Itachi… she thought she could sense an awkwardness in his silence, an uncertainty. She couldn't blame him; if today had been bewildering for her, she didn't know how he was managing. She kept shooting glances at him.

She didn't know how to feel, looking at him. His face was clearly Sasuke's, which brought forth so many different emotions in her. But when she looked at his eyes, she could see just as clearly that it wasn't Sasuke looking back at her. And that… it made her insides tremble. A stranger watching her with the eyes of a friend.

Could she call Sasuke a friend? Damn it, now she was going to have to ask herself all these questions again. She'd started to come to grips with Sasuke's defection, started to forgive him… but then the Sasuke that she was forgiving **wasn't **Sasuke. What if Sasuke wasn't as repentant as Itachi-as-Sasuke?

She reached up and rubbed her forehead, looking around for a distraction from all her whirling thoughts. Her eyes lit on Naruto's tensed face. "You okay, Naruto?"

He looked at her, then his gaze slid past her to Itachi. "You said that Madara took Sasuke."

Itachi looked at him. "Yes."

"So if we find Madara, we probably find Sasuke. You suggested a mission to track Madara only to get around Baa-chan's refusal to let us go after Sasuke," Naruto accused. "You lied to the Hokage."

To most, this would not be a problem, especially since Tsunade herself had goaded Itachi into it. But for someone who was attempting to gain their trust, and for Naruto who was rather sensitive to lies, Itachi lying like that was big deal.

For his part, Itachi didn't look disturbed at all at the accusation. He said: "No. It wasn't a lie. I fully intend to find and kill Madara. Finding Sasuke happens to fall hand-in-hand with that goal."

"So then…" Naruto said, looking not at all reassured. "So then, which goal are you putting first?"

Itachi paused briefly, and Sakura found herself listening attentively for the answer. "I will kill Madara, first. When Madara is dead, I suspect getting Sasuke back to Konoha might be easier."

"Why? Do you think Madara's done something to Sasuke?" Sakura butted in.

"Madara is very… persuasive. And exceedingly manipulative. I am afraid that, since Sasuke has not come back to Konoha after killing me, Madara has turned him against the Village." Itachi added, grimly: "At least, this is what I hope has happened."

"What?" Naruto said. "Why would you hope for that?"

"Because it means that Sasuke would still be alive."

There really wasn't much they could say to that.

* * *

Kakashi did not, amazingly enough, take hours to get from the Hokage's office to the main gate. Whatever Tsunade had needed to tell him in Team Seven's absence had only taken a few minutes, and it was only a few minutes of waiting at the main gate until he'd joined them.

As near as Sakura could tell, Kakashi was only on time when it was absolutely vital. When it was a matter of life and death. And even saying that, she could remember when they were Genin on their first mission outside of Konoha… They'd been attacked by the Demon Brothers, and Kakashi had Kawarimi'd out of sight to evade an attack. The Brothers had attacked Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, and that bridge-builder, and even though they'd been Genin against high-ranked nukenin, Kakashi had been late in coming to the rescue. Because, apparently, he'd believed them to be capable of staying alive until then.

That Kakashi was on time now had implications that made Sakura a bit… uneasy.

"Alright," the Copy Ninja said. "We're moving out."

Sakura felt a jolt of adrenalin thread through her body. Of their own accord, her fingers dropped to stroke the hilt loops of the kunai in the pouch along her thigh.

"You," Kakashi said, looking at Itachi, "will be point. I expect you have ideas of where to look for Madara."

"Yes," Itachi replied, and strode forward.


	14. Chapter 14

_I've added a section on my profile- 'Fic Status'. Progress on future chapters will be recorded there, and the info there will be accurate._

_So, a character in this chapter was taken from two obscure Naruto episodes. One was complete crap, and was really only an excuse to get the Uchiha brothers in cat ears. But I found some of the concepts in it useful, so I've used them here. Other than that, for all intents and purposes, that episode never happened in my fic's universe. Got it? No cat ears here. Pawprint Encyclopedia, yes. Over the top ridiculousness, no. Oh, Naruto filler...  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

They headed north-northeast, toward what Itachi said was an old Uchiha stronghold, from before the founding of Konoha. He said they were 'going to visit an old friend.' It occurred to Sakura that she might want to worry about that. What kind of friends did S-class nukenin Uchiha Itachi have? But Kakashi seemed undisturbed, and was following Itachi without hesitation, so she pushed her mistrust to the back of her mind.

But she'd still keep a wary eye on him. She wasn't an idiot.

* * *

Itachi was very much aware of the sidelong looks both Sakura and Naruto were giving him. He was aware of the wariness, the mistrust, the unease. He was weary of it. For too long he had been hated and feared by everyone around him—for nearly his entire life, he had been looked at with combined awe and fear, since he had first began to show his abilities and his intellect. His clan had feared him

_:—they were right to—:_

because he had been the genius, the pinnacle. So much higher, so much **more **than they. They had feared their inability to control him.

His comrades had feared him

_:—the looks of horror when assignments placed them on his Team, and the whispers—:_

because he'd been so strong, so young, and they couldn't understand him. Because he'd been an Uchiha, and that name had always carried weight.

The Massacre, and all that came after it, gave them reasons. Turned the shadow of fear into a monster of terror. Itachi knew that there was a 'flee on sight' order in his Bingo Book profile; the Sandaime had placed it there, because, after all, Itachi was still working for Konoha and it wouldn't do to kill their own operative. But nobody knew that. For them, the order was because he was mad, blood-thirsty, and all too capable of slaughtering his opponents.

Nobody knew Itachi's true, pacifistic nature. That part of him, hidden so long, and so drowned in blood, was a source of constant pain for him. Pain of the soul, which was not so easy to heal.

He was so **tired** of it all…

_:Once we find Sasuke,: _he thought wearily. _:After that, I will finally be able to rest.:_

They were drawing closer to their destination, and Itachi held up the signal for 'stop.' Obediently, they all came to a complete stand-still, but remained poised for whatever might come next. He turned to them. "We're close; her sentries will have noted our presence. From here, we walk."

"What are these places? You called it a stronghold," Sakura wanted to know, though she walked along with them willingly.

"After the Senju and Uchiha ended their war and founded Konoha, the Clan still maintained and used their bases," Itachi said, over his shoulder. "This one was turned into a re-supply station, and a safe-house."

"You said we were visiting an old friend," Sakura said. "So, does that mean that people have been living in those old strongholds?"

"Just this one," Itachi replied after a pause.

"Is he… er, she… an Uchiha?"

"No." They forged ahead.

* * *

Sakura was still chewing on the tidbit of information Itachi had given them when they apparently got close enough to their destination that those living there took notice.

However, the perimeter guards that hailed them were definitely not the type Sakura would have ever expected.

"Humans, nyaan! Humans are in our forest." The voice yowled out from the trees around them.

They all stopped dead, and Naruto and Sakura's heads whipped around, trying to locate the source. Itachi seemed unperturbed, and bowed to their surroundings.

"Greetings," he said. "And may you hunt well and plenty."

"A well-mannered human, nya?" purred a second voice, closer.

Sakura looked up, in time to see a small grey tabby cat leap from a branch to land in front of Itachi. She blinked; were these cats like Kakashi's dogs?

"Neko-baa-sama taught me well," Itachi told the tabby solemnly. "May we see her?"

"Mmmmrrr," hummed the queen. She licked her tail a little before replying. "I think she'll want to see you, Sasuke-who-isn't."

"You can tell?" blurted Naruto. The cat looked at him down her nose. "You can tell he's not Sasuke?"

"Cats don't see the world exactly as we do," Sakura murmured. "They've always been said to see things we humans can't."

"It's **obvious** he's not Sasuke," another voice said with true cat-ish scorn. A mottled black-and-white tomcat slid around a tree trunk and sat, the tip of his tail flicking as he eyed them dubiously. "What business do you have with Neko-baa?"

"Your pardon, but we should not voice that aloud here," Itachi said.

"Hrrrr," the tomcat huffed a little annoyed growl, looking away from them and narrowing his eyes.

"I will lead you to her, nya," said the tabby. "Follow me."

Itachi took the time to bow to the tom before following, so Kakashi and Sakura did so as well. With a nudge, Naruto dipped a shallow one, still grumbling about the cat's insults.

They passed by several more felines of varying color, size, and gender along the way. The tabby led them through the forest to a rather decrepit looking building, the stone of it crumbling at the edges. The little queen trotted right through the doorway, down a flight of stairs, and through a couple corridors before stopping in front of a closed door. The condition of the structure had improved steadily the further inward they'd gotten, which Sakura belated realized was because the outside had been damaged by war and siege, while the innermost areas had been left unscathed.

Old Uchiha stronghold, indeed.

Itachi knocked politely on the door. The lock gave a small click, and the door creaked slowly open. The tabby eeled through the opening once it was big enough. Itachi pushed it open the rest of the way for the humans.

The room beyond was considerably warmer than the corridor, both in temperature and in comfort. The floor here was covered with tatami, scattered with cushions and cats. The lighting was a comfortable yellow, and at a good brightness.

"Hello again, Neko-baa-sama. I hope you are well," Itachi said, bowing to the old woman seated at a low table against the wall. The tabby queen that had led them there was in her lap, smug and purring.

The woman didn't answer right away, but she inclined her head. A trio of cats detached themselves from the surroundings and converged on Itachi. Circling, sniffing, and rubbing against his shins, it didn't look like they meant any harm, so Sakura took the opportunity to study the woman—Neko-baa-sama.

The woman was old and wrinkled, her grey hair standing out around her head like a mane. She had a headband on that pushed it back, away from her face. Her face was lined, but Sakura thought that most of the wrinkles seemed to be ones generally acquired by smiling, though the smile was currently absent. She was gently petting the tabby on her lap with a gnarled old hand.

The trio of cats finished their inspection of Itachi and joined Neko-baa. She held out a hand to them, which each of them nudged with a nose.

Finally, she spoke. "It has been a while, Itachi-kun."

"Yes," Itachi agreed. Neko-baa rubbed one of the cat trio under the chin.

"I had heard that you were dead."

"I was," he admitted. "But I got better."

The old woman laughed creakily, amused. Her face welcomed her smile like an old friend, the lines around her mouth and the corners of her eyes deepening. "Come closer, boy, and introduce your friends."

Itachi went to her, up to an arm's reach away, and sat down. "These are Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto, and Haruno Sakura, of Konoha."

"Konoha, eh? Then you've finally gotten to go back?"

"After a fashion," Itachi said, with some guardedness.

Neko-baa hummed thoughtfully. She looked over Team Seven closely. Her nose twitched at Kakashi and Naruto. "Dogs and foxes," she said.

"I contract ninken," Kakashi said. "And Naruto is the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki."

Neko-baa nodded, then glanced at Sakura, who had knelt down to greet a curious and friendly kitten. Sakura froze in the middle of rubbing the kitten's cheek with a gentle finger. "I…er…"

"I like her!" declared the kitten in a tiny, high voice. "She smells good!"

"I will vouch for them all, myself," Itachi added, as Neko-baa crooked a finger at the kitten.

The little one galloped over to the elderly woman, and pounced onto the hem of her pants leg. Neko-baa withstood the attack, and offered a hand to the kitten, who gave it a nudge with his little black nose.

"Very well," Neko-baa said. "Now that we all know each other…"

"Excuse me, um… Neko-baa-sama?" Naruto said hesitantly. "But who are you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked, confused. "I am Neko-baa. The Cat Sage."

"I think he meant, why are you here?" Sakura put in quietly.

"Aaaah," Neko-baa said, drawing the sound out in a sigh. She leaned back. "I have long been a friend to Itachi-kun's family, down through his mother's line. Long ago I was given this place as my own, as long as I helped and resupplied Uchiha clanmembers who came to me."

"How long have you been here?" Naruto asked. Neko-baa cackled.

"Longer than you know, but not as long as you're thinking!"

Sakura's kitten had returned to twine around her ankles in an infinity loop. Sakura held very still, not wanting to step on or kick the little bit of black fluff.

"I have not seen another Uchiha in a good while," Neko-baa added, to Itachi. "In fact, I think the last time was your brother, before he killed you."

Sakura flinched. Tact was apparently not on Neko-baa's list of skills.

"And before that?" Itachi asked quietly.

"Last time I saw an Uchiha, excluding your brother's last visit, was after the Massacre. It was, come to think of it, you." She paused, then shrewdly asked: "What are you fishing for?"

"We are hunting Uchiha Madara," Itachi said bluntly. "I had hoped you might know something of him. Or failing that, that you might give me permission to speak to Aomaru."

"Madara?" Neko-baa sounded genuinely surprised. "He is still alive?"

"Unfortunately," Sakura muttered.

"May I speak to Aomaru?" Itachi asked.

"Yes, alright," Neko-baa said. "Denka, show him the way."

One of the trio of cats that had inspected Itachi stood and trotted away, throwing over its shoulder an imperious: "Come on, then."

Itachi followed. When Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi moved to go along with him, Neko-baa stopped them. "No. Itachi only. Aomaru does not like visitors, and isn't fond of non-Uchiha."

"Who **is **Aomaru?" Kakashi asked, as Itachi disappeared through the door.

"Aomaru is a cat," Neko-baa said. "If there is any living creature in this world that cats would defer to, it would be him. He was Uchiha Izuna's cat."

"Who?"

Neko-baa looked at Naruto. "Madara's brother. Madara killed him and took his eyes to achieve the Eternal Mangekyo."

"Shiiiit," Naruto breathed. "So, why does Itachi want to talk to this cat?"

"Because Aomaru remembers Madara's scent. And he is powerful enough that he could catch the trail even just from here."

"Huh." Naruto blinked, looking impressed.

"Neko-baa-sama," Sakura said, after a pause. The Cat Sage hummed, without look up from the cat whose long fur she was brushing. "You sounded like you knew Itachi-san very well."

"I watched that child grow up, him and his brother," Neko-baa confirmed.

"Then, could you maybe tell us a little about him?" Sakura asked. She had to fight to keep from squirming when Neko-baa's wise old eyes watched her for a long moment.

"You aren't sure of him," Neko-baa noted. "He's on your Team, but you all hold him apart."

"It's hard," Sakura said. "It's hard to just forget the past several years. Ever since I had first heard his name, he's been a figure of evil to me. It's been a struggle to come to grips with this new truth we've been given."

"He plays the villain very convincingly," Kakashi put in dryly.

Neko-baa was nodding absently. "The shadow that boy casts is darker than it should be.

"Alright. I will tell you of my experience with Itachi-kun."

"Thank you," Sakura bowed.

"At first, Itachi came here with his father. When he got older, he started to be sent here on errands alone. He was always courteous and gentle with the cats, and shy and quiet. The first time he brought Sasuke-kun along with him, it was obvious how besotted he was with his little brother," Neko-baa's voice took on a fond tone. "Itachi-kun doted on Sasuke-kun."

The Cat Sage stood creakily, and shuffled over to a lacquer box against the opposite wall. She dug around in it for a moment before turning around and displaying a small hand-bound book.

"Young Sasuke-kun would often get bored when he came along with Itachi-kun on errands. So Itachi-kun made up a mission for him," she told Team Seven. "This is the result of that. Itachi-kun tasked Sasuke-kun with collecting the pawprints of the fastest, most nimble cats here."

"There are a lot of pawprints," Naruto observed, as Neko-baa leafed through the book.

"Sasuke-kun tried hard to impress his brother. And Itachi-kun listened very attentively when Sasuke-kun recounted his adventures," the old woman said. "The game stopped when Itachi-kun's father had determined it a waste of Itachi-kun's abilities to send him on simple fetch-and-carry errands. I think Sasuke-kun was five."

"But you still kept the pawprint book," Sakura said softly. Neko-baa stroked the cover of the book.

"No. One day, several years ago, Itachi-kun came back one more time. His hitai-ate had the nukenin slash through it. He gave me the book, and told me to take care of it. Then he left."

"That must have been right after the Massacre," Kakashi said, thoughtfully.

"He'd kept it?" Sakura was surprised. "But they wouldn't have used it for years! If Sasuke was five when they stopped… Three years. He kept it all that time?"

"Itachi-kun loved his brother," Neko-baa said simply.

"I… I guess so," Sakura said, feeling conflicted. The more she learned about Itachi, the more she came to believe that he **was **actually one of the 'good guys.' But if everything about him screamed 'I'm not evil!' then how had the entirety of Konoha come to believe just that?

_:Because he's also a very good ninja, and ninja lie. Ninja put on disguises.:_

It probably hadn't hurt that everyone had feared him from the start, for being so powerful.

_:Oh no. It's starting. I'm starting to feel bad for him. But if I do that, then I won't be able to keep it together if he betrays us.:_

Although, really, he didn't seem likely to do so.

Sakura shook her head, and refocused her attention on the conversation that had been going on over her head.

"Nobody really **knew **Itachi," Kakashi was saying. "He had always kept to himself. Most people thought it was arrogance that kept him aloof, but a few of us suspected it was really shyness. But, well, the Massacre happened before we ever found out. And with the motivation everyone ascribed to the killing, it seemed like evidence to the contrary."

"The boy was a pacifist for all his life," Neko-baa said incredulously. "How could you not have noticed?"

"Whatever else he was, Itachi was an obedient ninja. He followed orders," Kakashi said. "He didn't balk at killing. At least not overtly."

"That does not mean he didn't regret each death," the Cat Sage reminded them. "Mark my words, that boy's heart is damaged."

The words sent a pang through Sakura's own heart, and she looked back at the door through which Itachi had disappeared.

She remembered what he'd been like throughout his convalescence. When he was regaining his memory. He'd always seemed somewhat… vulnerable. Always in a quiet, understated way, like he was trying to hide it.

That fit with the image she was beginning to gather of Itachi now, and she suspected that the person she saw in the confused, tortured, amnesiac had been the truth. He hadn't remembered, after all, that he had any need for disguises. And if that Itachi, and this Itachi matched… then the real Uchiha Itachi had been a sweet, gentle boy who had loved his brother and his Village and had been forced to make an impossible choice.

And that… that made Sakura want to like him. Want to trust him.


	15. Chapter 15

_Again, in case you've missed it: I've added a section on my profile- 'Fic Status'. Progress on future chapters will be recorded there, and the info there will be accurate._

_Yay action!  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

"Aomaru-sama," said the cat Denka, slipping into the darkened room and making an elegant leg… as much as a cat can bow. "You have a visitor."

Itachi wished he could access his Sharingan, because the room was too dark for him to see well. He did, however catch the milky green gleam of light reflecting off the retina of cat, somewhere in the darkness. Denka stepped back, and Itachi took the cue.

"Aomaru-sama, may you hunt well and plenty," he said politely. A dry huffing noise was his response. A cat laughing.

A large blue tortoiseshell tomcat paced forward deliberately from the darkness into the light of the hallway, his nose working. His copper eyes were clouded—he was blind. There were scars peppering the tom's age-greyed body. "I have, and I will," he rumbled in a low, gravelly voice.

Itachi knelt down to the cat's level as Aomaru came closer.

"Give me your hand," the tomcat said. He hunkered down into a cat-loaf, paws under him, belly against the ground, haunches up. Itachi put his hand on the ground in front of Aomaru's nose, palm up. The ancient cat slowly and thoroughly scented Itachi's fingers, palm, and the inside of his wrist. Then he licked the fragile skin there twice.

"I recognize your scent," Aomaru said. "You've been here before."

"Yes," Itachi said. "I am Uchiha Itachi. I used to come here on errands."

"Yes. And why have you come back, Uchiha-san?" Aomaru asked.

"I am trying to find Uchiha Madara," Itachi said. The cat hissed.

"That one!" he spat. "What do you want with him?"

"He has become a problem I can no longer ignore," Itachi told him. "I mean to… neutralize the threat."

"You are hunting him," Aomaru said. "Good. When he killed Izuna, I tried to end him."

"He blinded you," Itachi realized. It was the logical thing for Madara to do. Madara held his own eyes to be nearly sacred. They were, after all, his power. To destroy the eyesight of his enemies was the worst thing he could conceive of doing, aside from outright killing them.

"Yes," the tomcat growled. "But not before I got my claws into him."

"I was hoping you could help me find him," Itachi said.

The cat's head canted to the side. "I could scent him, yes. But only a direction, not a location."

"That is enough," Itachi replied. "And it would be welcome."

"Yes. Pick me up, young Uchiha," Aomaru commanded. Neko-baa-sama had taught Itachi long ago how to pick a cat up in a dignified way. Itachi now used the knowledge to scoop the old tomcat up. "Take me outside. It will give me the clearest scent."

Denka walked alongside them, an honor-guard of sorts, Itachi thought. As they approached the door to the outside, Aomaru's nose lifted. By the time they were outside, he was already hard at work, testing the air.

Itachi waited patiently.

Finally, Aomaru let out a long sigh. Itachi felt the cat's sides expand and deflate against his hands. "That way," the tom said, whiskers pricking forward as he pointed his nose with assurance. Itachi made a mental note of the direction.

"Thank you, Aomaru-sama," Itachi said with gratitude.

"May you hunt well and plenty," the tomcat said, relishing the words.

* * *

Sakura leapt to her feet when Itachi reentered the room, preceded by the cat Denka.

"Report," Kakashi said.

"Aomaru-sama was able to scent out a direction for us to take," Itachi replied. "But Madara is often on the move. We should hurry."

That said, he turned to Neko-baa and bowed lowly. "Thank you for everything, Neko-baa-sama. We appreciate your help."

The old woman stood and shuffled forward to take Itachi's hands in hers. "I am glad that you came back, Itachi-kun. May you hunt well and plenty."

"Our thanks."

Sakura kicked Naruto so that he scrambled to his feet as Kakashi stepped forward to offer his own thanks to the Cat Sage. Then Sakura bowed, and Naruto followed suite. And then Kakashi nodded to Itachi. "Where now?"

"Follow me," he said. They did.

* * *

A hard day's travel saw them across the border into Kusa. Though Team Seven all had at least half their chakra reserves still left, they stopped to camp for the night—Itachi did not have the benefit of being able to draw on his chakra to speed his steps and bolster flagging endurance. He needed rest much sooner than Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura. Besides, they were heading into enemy territory, toward a very powerful very hostile enemy. They didn't want to arrive there at anything but high capacity, and even though they could have augmented their energy, chakra, and strength with the ANBU Stimpacks they carried, starting a fight already on stimulants was a good recipe for failure.

Itachi and Kakashi picked the spot for the camp, which was ostensibly in the most defensible, hidden location in the immediate area. They also determined a watch rotation for the night; Sakura was pleased when she pulled the earlier shift. It meant she'd get a more-or-less full-night's sleep. She'd stand watch now, when she wasn't terribly tired, and then later she'd be relieved by whoever was next, where-upon she would get to sleep until they had to move out.

They ate some rations, and then Sakura took up her post. Her shift was uneventful. When Kakashi touched her shoulder, ready to take up his watch, she was very much ready for her bedroll. She fell asleep easily.

She woke up easily, too, since she is a ninja and, when on missions, ninja either learn to wake at the slightest disturbance or they die. So when Naruto shouted and something exploded nearby, Sakura was awake, out of her bedroll, and clutching a kunai before her eyes even open all the way.

There were… things… attacking their camp. They gleamed smooth white in the moonlight, misshapen, almost-human forms that were lashing long limbs and throwing Doton jutsu at the dozens of clones that Naruto had created. They looked sort of familiar, but Sakura thought that there were pieces missing this time… pieces like the black right half and the giant flytrap jaws.

"Zetsu!" Itachi hissed, from behind Sakura, then he raised his voice and shouted to the others, "He is weak against Katon and Fuuton!"

As if he had heard Itachi (though more likely, it was merely because he was particularly fond of the jutsu), Naruto hauled back with a fist full of wind and roared: "RASENGAN!"

Naruto punched the jutsu through one of the white creatures—one of the… what had Itachi called them?... Zetsus. The force of the wind-based technique blew its body apart. Pieces of white flesh splattered the ground and trees, and Naruto moved on to the next.

Sakura had the unfortunate situation of only knowing one Katon jutsu—and that a weak, campfire-starter Katon. At best, it would make these Zetsus blink.

However. Sakura had learned Tsunade's brawler-style fighting. She could out-arm-wrestle anyone in Konoha, perhaps excepting her teacher. She was not without recourse.

She cracked her knuckles. Right.

One of the Zetsu creatures took notice of her and whipped out an arm. Spreading chakra through her hand and arm, she caught the appendage. It didn't feel like skin and flesh. It felt inhumanly smooth, like… like sanded wood.

It reacted to her punches in the same way that trees did. Which was to say, it exploded in a shower of slivers.

It was surprising, but thoroughly satisfying. Shifting her grip to the ragged end of Zetsu's used-to-be-an-arm, she used it to throw Zetsu in a tight arc over her head and into the ground. A heavy cloud of dust flew up.

She smirked.

And then five new smooth, white, wood-arms burst from the cloud.

* * *

It was aggravating to be **in **a fight and not be **able **to fight. Granted, even though Itachi's chakra was sealed he still had his taijutsu and weapons-fighting, so he was far from helpless. But he was an Uchiha, with the clan's characteristic strength in Katon jutsu. He had a whole arsenal of jutsu that, had he been able to use them, would have taken care of White Zetsu's clones as quick as a flash. Instead, he was relegated to snatching up discarded kunai and using that less efficient method to take down the enemy.

Annoying. Still effective, but annoying. As someone who had prided himself on being quick and efficient, having to take the slower and more dangerous route (he was, after all, having to get in close to the clones, thereby putting himself within striking distance) was irksome.

Still, he was holding his own fairly well. He had a few superficial injuries from not being able to dodge fast enough (chakra being necessary for the shunshin no jutsu as well), but he'd taken down two White Zetsu clones, and they had stayed down. If this group of them was all that there was—if the real Zetsu, wherever he was, didn't send in reinforcements—then he just might get through this, chakra or no.

He saw Sakura take off a clone's head out of the corner of his eye. She followed it up with two devastating punches to the remaining body, causing it to shatter into a thousand pieces.

Naruto was perfectly fine, having the support of his own cadre of clones. His Rasengan worked well against the White Zetsus. The progress of his fight could be tracked by his raised voice.

He couldn't check on Kakashi, as a Doton from a Zetsu clone swept toward him. Itachi escaped the jutsu by retreating into the tree canopy. It wasn't the best of moves, considering Zetsu's affinity with plants, but it at least got him out of the way of the tsunami of earth and rock bearing down on him. Taking up one of his pilfered kunai, Itachi flipped to the ground and ran at his opponent. He didn't have the chakra-based speed that the others were using, but he was fast in his own right.

It was about then that he heard Sakura gasp. There was something about the sound, something about the tone of her sharp inhalation, that demanded his attention. He broke off his attack and, turning on the ball of one foot, he arrowed toward her.

She was stumbling back from the tall, malevolent figure of Uchiha Madara, her eyes wide with shock.

For Itachi, the next few moments seemed to move at half speed. His feet pounded the earth as he sprinted with every last bit of speed he possessed toward the two. Sakura's arms rose into a defensive position, a brace of senbon held between the fingers of one hand. From Itachi's left, Kakashi had noticed his student's predicament and was making his own dash to her side. He would get there before Itachi, having the advantage of his chakra.

A Raikiri was beginning to bloom to life within one of Kakashi's palms, bright crackling tendrils of lightning unfolding against the Copy Nin's fingers.

As soon as Kakashi reached Madara, time seemed to resume normal pace. The Raikiri punched through Madara's chest, blasting half of his abdomen away. The pieces rained down in charred, white chunks…

Itachi was at Sakura's side, clutching his kunai so tightly his knuckles ached, before it registered that the body that had just a moment ago appeared to be Uchiha Madara was now like any other dead Zetsu clone on the battlefield.

Breathing heavily with adrenalin and anger, Itachi looked at Kakashi sharply.

"You are going to take this chakra seal off of me immediately," he told the other shinobi in a hard, brittle tone.

_'Who knows what might have happened if that had really been Madara?' _went unspoken. Kakashi stared back at Itachi, as Sakura blinked at the two of them. Then:

"What the hell?" she demanded.

"Zetsu has the unique ability to simulate another person's chakra signature as well as their appearance," Itachi said, still holding Kakashi's gaze with his own. "The clones are weak, but have every appearance of being the original.

"There are still White Zetsu clones out there," Itachi added, pointedly. "You might hurry and release the seal."

"Alright," Kakashi said.

* * *

Sakura was thankful that Itachi had come running along with Kakashi when they thought she was facing down Madara. It spoke well of him that he was willing to risk his life by dashing into what would have been an extremely dangerous, definitely lethal encounter while still sealed from using his chakra. It probably would have been tantamount to suicide, and he had done it to protect her. She realized that, and she **was **thankful.

This didn't mean she didn't nearly choke on her own spit when Kakashi agreed to unseal Itachi.

She wasn't sure if she was ready to be in the company of an Uchiha Itachi who had been returned to his full lethality. She would admit that she was beginning to trust him, but it was still an intimidating thought.

Still, she didn't voice any protest when Itachi pulled back his sleeves to reveal the twin Fuuinjutsu arrays inked onto his inner wrists, nor when Kakashi brought his hands together into a handseal. What she did do was keep back the two Zetsu clones that came upon them as they stood immobile.

Just as she eliminated the last, Kakashi finished the unsealing. She turned as a tide of chakra rose up behind her, as if it were stretching. The close-eyed, relaxed expression on Itachi's face suggested that he was, indeed, stretching his chakra like a muscle.

"Ah," he said, in the merest of exhalations. The pressure of his chakra receded. His eyes opened, and Sakura froze as the near-black irises slowly bled to the crimson of the Sharingan.


	16. Chapter 16

_Author's note at end of chapter.  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

For the briefest of moments, Sakura found herself eye-to-eye with the pin-wheeled, crimson gaze of the Sharingan. Then, suddenly, Itachi was gone and she was left blinking. And then she realized he'd disappeared in the direction of Naruto, who was still battling a large group of Zetsu clones.

_'Naruto!' _ She shunshin'd after Itachi, worry pricking her.

Itachi was perched on a tree branch, observing the flow of Naruto's battle with narrowed, calculating eyes. There were eight Zetsu clones left, and it didn't seem like more were being sent as reinforcements.

Sakura landed nearby, just as Itachi's hands moved. "Katon: Housenka no Jutsu."

He spat flames at the enemy clones, leaping into the fray himself before they impacted.

Sakura stayed behind, seeing immediately that with Itachi's presence in the fight the speed of the battle picked up substantially. She wasn't sure she would be able to keep up. So instead she watched carefully, ready to join in if it looked like her help was needed, though she doubted it would be. Itachi's chakra had been sealed up to this point, which only meant that he hadn't been able to use it, not that it didn't exist. His reserves were untouched; he was at full power.

The Sharingan really was an impressive kekkei genkai, Sakura thought as she watched Itachi slaughter the remaining Zetsus. After a moment, Naruto joined her on her branch. He wiped sweat from his forehead and grinned at her.

"Look at that! He's really fast; I was just getting in the way down there," he said, apparently unconcerned by the fact that Itachi had his chakra back.

"I'm surprised you recognized that," Sakura said dryly. "I'm even more surprised that you got out of the way."

"Hey," Naruto said, pouting. Sakura smirked at him a little, lightly teasing. Her eyes drifted back to watch Itachi.

The Uchiha was dodging one of the two remaining Zetsu's lashing arms, parrying every once and awhile with his only kunai, which Sakura suspected he'd salvaged from the battlefield at some point. She watched as he chipped away at the clone's wooden body, his movements fluid and easy. His grace made her jealous. She knew she was graceful in her own way—all ninja had a certain grace about them—but she knew just as well that there was something in Itachi's motions that was absent from hers… from most people's. Kakashi had a bit of it, but only when he dropped his lazy façade.

She didn't think it was something as trite as 'experience'. It was something else.

Whatever it was was going to have to wait, however, because Sakura's attention was captured wholly when the last Zetsu clone started to talk to Itachi.

"He's not going to welcome you back with open arms, Sasuke-kun," the clone said with a note of mocking in his light voice. The clone's eyes flicked toward Team Seven. "Especially not since you've started consorting with such rabble."

"Hn," Itachi said, in a perfect imitation of Sasuke's casual scorn. Sakura's heart clenched.

Zetsu tsked. "After everything he's done for you…"

"He hasn't done anything I couldn't have done myself," Itachi retorted, still with Sasuke's mannerisms.

_:He must not want them to know he's Itachi,: _Sakura thought. Maybe Itachi thought the confusion would be to his advantage.

"Oh?" Zetsu mocked. "How would you have found out the truth behind your brother?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed dangerously. Then he blurred, and was gone, and then Zetsu's head arced through the air, separated from his shoulders by a powerful, chakra-augmented kunai slice. Itachi dodged the twitching body as it fell, his grim red eyes watching as the last enemy died. He wiped the kunai on his pant leg, poked a finger through the hilt loop, and formed a handseal.

"Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu." The pieces of the wood clone burst into flame as the fireball struck them. Probably a wise move, considering how the body was still twitching and jerking.

"Hmm," Kakashi's voice hummed next to Sakura's ear. She startled a little, having not sensed the older ninja beside her. She glared at him, but he ignored it. He jumped down to Itachi.

"That was the last of them," Kakashi said calmly. Itachi nodded vaguely, and made a motion as if he were going to place the kunai in his hand into a pouch at his thigh. Midway through, he seemed to realize that he wasn't wearing any ninja gear at all, and the hand and the weapon just hung limply at his side. The Sharingan faded from his eyes.

Sakura and Naruto jumped down to join them. "Is anyone injured?" Sakura asked.

"Naw," Naruto said. Which was technically a lie, since Sakura could see some gashes on him, but those were closing up even as she watched, so it was true enough in terms of Sakura not needing to heal him.

"Just some scratches and bruises," Kakashi said, eye curving in a smile. Sakura eyed him warily, well acquainted with her sensei's habit of downplaying wounds. But he seemed well enough.

"Cracked rib," Itachi said, when her gaze flicked to him. "Left side, maybe the third or fourth."

She nodded and gingerly felt the whole left side of his rib cage gently. "It was the third," she said, and switched her gentle probing touch to a full palm splayed across the area. Her hand was haloed in the glow of chakra. He was very still beneath her touch.

"Where the heck did those things come from?" Naruto asked.

"You may have seen Zetsu before," Itachi replied. "He is with Akatsuki, the white-and-black man with the Venus flytrap cowl. His halves can separate; these were clones of his white side."

Sakura could feel the reverberations of his voice in his chest; that realization made her suddenly very aware of how she could feel his heart beating beneath her hand. The awareness made her own pulse speed up, and the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

If someone had told her a few weeks ago that she would be feeling Uchiha Itachi's heart beat, she would have assumed that they meant after she'd ripped the organ from his body with her bare hands. The juxtaposition of that thought against the reality—she was gently touching him, knitting the bone of his ribs together with soothing healing chakra—was weird. And beside that, the surrealism of being so close to someone as to feel their heartbeat… and to be a ninja, someone with the knowledge of a hundred different ways to stop that heart… Most if the time, Sakura never really thought about it. Now, healing someone who had not too long ago been a dangerous enemy, she couldn't help but think of how easy it would be to stop the heart beneath her palm.

Sakura fought back a shiver. Itachi seemed unaware of the threat; he was not even paying attention to her as she healed him. The trust it displayed was staggering.

She soothed her chakra along the healed bone, and let the energy trickle into the tissues surrounding the area, bringing down the inflammation caused by the break. She felt Itachi's heart flutter in reaction. Maybe he wasn't so trusting as all that. She ignored it, and kept healing; she was nearly done.

"That means what? That we're close to an Akatsuki hideout?" Naruto was saying presently.

"No. There is no Akatsuki hideout in this area," Itachi said. "Just the Uchiha stronghold we were heading to. But Zetsu is directly subordinate to Madara; if he is here, then it is because Madara sent him, or Madara is here himself."

"Shouldn't we be hurrying then?" Sakura asked, finished with the healing. Her hands dropped away from Itachi's side. "Madara might get away, if he's here."

Itachi shook his head. "No. Madara has plans for me… for Sasuke—" he amended "—I don't think he would run."

"Plans?" Kakashi questioned.

"Zetsu implied that Madara told Sasuke about me, about the truth of the Massacre. I can only assume he did so intending to use the truth to manipulate Sasuke somehow. Probably to turn Sasuke against Konoha," Itachi mused aloud. "It had always been one of Madara's goals to destroy the Village which had destroyed him. And manipulating Sasuke—someone who had bonds to Konoha, who had people in the Village who cared about him—to help him in that goal would appeal to Madara's twisted humor."

"What if…?" Sakura said absently, then stopped and hesitated, as she realized what she'd been about to say.

"What if what?" Kakashi prompted softly. Sakura licked her lips, eyes flicking between Itachi and Naruto before dropping to the ground.

"What if Madara's telling Sasuke the truth is connected with your… your being alive?" she said, nearly whispering. "What if Sasuke killed you, learned the truth, and then tried to revive you?"

"That is possible," Kakashi said, as a muscle in Itachi's jaw jumped. "Sasuke apprenticed to Orochimaru, and the Snake Sannin was obsessed with eternal life. It's possible that Sasuke learned a forbidden jutsu for resurrection during his time with Orochimaru."

"But then… what happened to Sasuke?" Naruto asked, sounding worried.

Itachi's eyes were dark, his expression grim. "Let us continue on."

* * *

_I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong enough._

Itachi felt the memory of the words crashing against him with every beat of his heart, but he was far from understanding them. He may have remembered who he was and what he had done in his life, but this little snippet of words could not be placed.

Whatever it was, it made his throat tighten as if with unshed tears.

The phrase repeated in his mind, over and over. He couldn't seem to let it go. Not even the simple pleasure of feeling his chakra singing through his body again could distract him.

They ran toward what had been their original destination, another old Uchiha stronghold that Itachi had recalled from an ages-ago map lesson. Aomaru had pointed them in this direction, and if Itachi knew anything about Madara it was that the man liked to claim anything related to the Uchiha Clan as his own, regardless of his exiled status. He would have used the stronghold as his base; it was his style.

They had only been traveling a short time when Kakashi paused almost imperceptibly. Itachi glanced at him. "What is it?"

"I recognize this area," the Copy Ninja said, loud enough that they could all hear him. "This is where we found you. Or near to it."

Itachi glanced around, but he couldn't recognize anything. Of course, he had been sick and delirious and disoriented when they'd found him…

"Oh," Sakura said, surprised, "it is."

"That means the base we're heading to… it's where I woke up," Itachi murmured. He didn't have to elaborate on the implications. _If Sasuke had been involved in Itachi's resurrection, then perhaps they'd find him there…_

They put on a burst of speed, rushing by unspoken agreement to the base. As they got close enough, Itachi noticed something. "There is only one chakra signature nearby. It's not Sasuke." He paused, then added, "It's not Madara either. Zetsu."

"If Zetsu knows who Madara is, then do other Akatsuki members?" Kakashi asked.

"No," Itachi replied. "Most of Akatsuki believed Pein to be our leader, and Tobi to be a simple, if strong, shinobi. I knew because of my previous interactions with Madara. Pein and Konan knew, of course; they took their orders from him. And Zetsu has always been his lackey."

"They are the only ones left alive, now," Sakura said. "The ones who knew the truth of Madara."

"He is planning something," Itachi agreed. "And they are likely some part of it. It is good you have diminished their numbers; it gives him less pawns to play his game."

"You think they're just pawns?" Naruto asked, sounding appalled at the idea.

"It is the way Madara operates," Itachi said. "I was his pawn once. Or, he thought I was."

"The more I hear about this guy the more I want to punch his stomach through his spine," Sakura muttered under her breath. By virtue of his sharp senses, Itachi heard her.

"I will endeavor to give you the opportunity," he told her, with grim, dry humor.

"Good," she said at a normal volume, unashamed at being overheard. "If you're right, then he was trying to play around with Sasuke like ones of his pawns."

"Yes," Itachi said. "Madara has a lot to answer for."

They'd reached the stronghold by that point, and stopped at the thick outer wall. Itachi stared at the square gray structure with narrowed eyes. "There's a door on the east wall," he said, gesturing to their right.

"I think there's a door **right**… **here**," Sakura disagreed, stepping forward as she cracked her knuckles. She punctuated her last two words with a wind-up and a powerful punch. The wall crumbled under the onslaught of her monstrous strength. A hole large enough for all of them to pass through side-by-side gaped in front of them when the dust settled.

"Subtle," Kakashi said wryly.

"Zetsu knew we were coming," Sakura retorted.

"Then let's not keep him waiting," Itachi said, leading the way through the hole. They found themselves in a long corridor with no doors on either side, at least as far as they could see in both directions. Itachi turned down the left way. "He's over here. In the upper level."

"This place is creepy," Naruto muttered, as they walked down the still, quiet hallway. The way was lit only by dimly glowing stones in the walls, which gave everything a green-blue cast.

"There's a door," Sakura exclaimed after a moment, pointing. There was indeed a door, shut, set into the wall a few meters up ahead. They approached it warily. A closed door could hide anything, but as they stood outside it, Itachi got a bad feeling that he knew what was beyond it.

"Should we open it?" Naruto asked in a hushed voice.

"Yes. There's nothing dangerous behind it," Itachi said. Kakashi shot him a glance, but didn't protest as Itachi reached forward to push the door open.

"Ugh! What the hell?" Naruto exclaimed, recoiling. The room beyond the door was bright with stark white light, shining upon white tile and silver metal tables. The air was stale and smelled faintly of burnt meat, with undertones of something sharp and almost medicinal.

Jerkily, like a puppet, Itachi moved forward, toward a table about in the center of the room. It was the only one not shining and silver. This one had something on it.

"Oh," Sakura said, sounding disgusted and horrified, "merciful Kannon…"

The table was charred, streaked with soot. The body on it hadn't burned completely, not like cremation or a funeral pyre, which left only bones. Any clothes it had been wearing were certainly ash, but the rest of the body was more or less intact. It was a patchwork of blackened flesh, angry red burns, and pale blisters. Bits of bones showed through where skin and tissue had burned away.

It looked like someone had Katon'd the body point-blank.

Staring at the body, Itachi knew exactly who. And imagined he knew why.

"This was done post-mortem," Sakura said, looking at the corpse clinically.

"How do you know?" Naruto demanded, aghast.

"Even someone unconscious or under genjutsu would react to being set on fire," Sakura said. "But this body… there's no sign of struggle or anything. It just laid there and burned."

There was a puddle of dried vomit on the floor near the table. Itachi let his eyes trace from it, to the corpse's bone toes, to the sunken chest. His eyes snagged a moment on the bit of metal, once polished and now black with greasy soot, around the body's neck.

_"Happy birthday, Itachi-kun! I know guys don't really wear jewelry, but I think you could pull it off. Besides, look! It's supposed to symbolize the three tomoe of the Sharingan."_

He felt himself pale as his gaze slid up to the corpse's face.

It was burned enough that it wasn't immediately recognizable, but the basic structure was still there, under the cracked and blackened skin. He could see whose body it was. And he could also see the telltale marks around the body's eyes…

He inhaled raggedly, his hand rising to his own face.

_Waking up, everything looked wrong. His sight was too sharp, after a life of blurred lines and dim colors. The clear, sharp images now sliced into his brain, compounding his confusion…_

"My eyes," he rasped. "My eyes!"

The others turned away from the body, Kakashi with grim understanding, Sakura and Naruto with slight confusion. Seeing his pale, haggard appearance, their eyes widened with sudden realization. Sakura made a choked sound, looking down at the burned corpse with renewed horror.

Itachi shut his eyes behind his palm, and surged chakra to them. Shaking with fine tremors, he dropped his hand. Opening his eyes, he asked: "My eyes. The Sharingan. Tell me, what shape is it?"

They stared at him.

"Tell me!"

"It's…" Sakura hesitated. "It's almost like a flower. There are eight petals… all of them have a thin line through the middle, and a notch at the top…"

Her hands fluttered in a vague gesture, trying to describe the shape. Itachi had heard enough, understood it enough.

He closed his eyes again and shuddered with a mixture of relief and revulsion.

"The Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan," Kakashi said softly.

"_I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough for your expectations. _

_ "I was never as strong as you… _

_ "But I am strong enough to give you this."_

Itachi let out a harsh, hoarse cry, as memory washed over him.

* * *

_TH: So, I was going to be evil and end it at "This one had something on it." but I decided to give you guys a bit of a longer chapter. See how benevolent I am? I think I'd make a good dictator. I mean...er... Please review?  
_


	17. Chapter 17

_TH: Sorry about the wait. Here's the next chapter. I'm not sure how much longer this fic will be, but we are getting toward the end!_

_I was silly and made the jutsu name all geeky. Can anybody guess what show I'm alluding to?  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Sasuke." Itachi's voice broke on the syllables of his brother's name, cracking under the weight of the emotion it carried. "**Sasuke**."

He remembered. He **remembered**. In that split second before he woke from death, in that path between life and death, that narrow corridor… Itachi and Sasuke's souls crossed in the dark. Enough time for a fleeting touch, a trade of memory and emotion.

Love.

Regret.

Forgiveness.

_"My weakness would have destroyed it all. It destroyed me. I cannot; you must. You should. You deserve this more than I. I'm sorry… onii-tama."_

A deliberate use of the fond, childish address Sasuke had used for Itachi, once upon a time.

Itachi had time for a flash of horror, of denial, before his soul was thrust into life. The transition was harsh, jarring. Mind confused, he no longer remembered what had occurred in that dark corridor.

Until now.

Gasping, Itachi became aware that he was on his hands and knees, with Sakura crouched next to him, a healing hand on his back. He shuddered. "I'm fine."

Her hand hesitated, then dropped away. He pushed himself upright so he was just kneeling, waited for his vision to clear, and then rose to his feet with the help of the empty morgue table beside him.

"You were right," he croaked, speaking to Sakura but not looking up. "Sasuke was the one to bring me back."

There was a slight pause, a silence full of the questions.

"He used a forbidden jutsu, one of the many that Orochimaru had researched and ultimately discarded because it wasn't what he was looking for." Itachi had kept tabs on Orochimaru, after he had driven the Sannin from the Akatsuki. For his own benefit as well as Konoha's. He remembered learning about this jutsu. It worked, in that it did what it was supposed to, but it hadn't suited Orochimaru's purposes or circumstances.

After all, who would sacrifice their own life to bring Orochimaru's soul back from death? Not even his lackey, Kabuto, would have done so.

But, evidently, Sasuke would only too willingly trade places with Itachi.

"Forbidden?" Naruto said hesitantly. "Then… what happened to Sasuke?"

Grief squeezed Itachi's chest, and he carefully avoided looking at Team Seven, knowing that their expressions would reflect their hopelessness.

Forbidden jutsu were forbidden because of their power, and their cost.

"Kinjutsu: Touka Koukan," Itachi said.

"Equivalent…" Sakura whispered. He could hear the fear and denial growing in her voice. "N-no!"

"What?" Naruto demanded. "What does that mean?"

"Sasuke **traded places** with Itachi," Sakura choked out. A tense pause, then:

"Sasuke's dead?" Naruto's voice was weak.

Itachi couldn't help but glance up, to look at them. Naruto was shattered, lost. Sakura looked as if someone had slapped her. Even Kakashi was pale. He looked away again quickly. His hands, curled into fists, creaked as his grip tightened.

"He was never supposed to know," he said, voice rough with emotion. "He was **never supposed to know**. But Madara…"

His throat closed off, and his eyes snapped shut, burning. A few tears managed to escape, and he lifted a hand to shield them from sight. How could he presume to grieve with them? He was a Clan-killer, no matter what his reasons. And he had been cruel to Sasuke, even if that was just an illusion. Team Seven had lost their Teammate and friend because that Teammate had sacrificed himself for Itachi. The jutsu's name was a sick joke—there was nothing equal about the exchange.

_:I have failed in **everything**__,: _Itachi thought, momentarily overcome with despair.

Fingers wrapped around his wrist, gently forcing his hand down. He matched gazes with Sakura, whose eyes flicked as if she wanted to look away, wary still of his doujutsu. But she held his gaze deliberately, brow furrowed with concern.

"You've been hiding your grief for a long time," she said quietly. "You're not alone anymore. You're not undercover, posing as an enemy. You shouldn't hide from us."

"Everything I have done in my life—**everything**—has been to protect Sasuke," Itachi said. "Now I have learned that he has taken my sacrifices, and turned them back to me. Sasuke gave his life to me. I do not know if I am angry or grieved. Or if I should feel guilty that I am not grateful."

"It's hard to feel grateful when someone you care about is dead," Naruto said. "On our first mission, Sasuke threw himself between me and an enemy, and took several senbon in the neck. I thought he was dead. I was angry… and I was sad."

Itachi could feel despair yawning like a pit just at the edge of his psyche—he could fall, and be lost in it, if he let himself. He wavered, then hardened his heart. "I don't have the luxury to examine my feelings and options at this time. We should continue on; Zetsu is obviously waiting for us."

Sakura was still holding onto his hand. When he glanced down at it, she hesitated, clearing disbelieving his composure, but her fingers slid away and she stepped back.

"You're right," Kakashi said, and he sounded like he knew Itachi's balance was a façade, as well. "Our first concern is Madara, and to get to him we apparently need to go through Zetsu."

The Copy Ninja led the way out of the morgue. Itachi paused a moment, trying to draw a cloak of serenity and detachment around him, as he had been accustomed to in his previous life. As he struggled with it, he found his eyes caught on the corpse, or more aptly, the necklace around its neck. He felt a sudden urge to reclaim it—it had been a gift from one of his Genin Teammates. When he left Konoha, he'd kept it, as a memento and as remembrance. He hadn't worried about it giving away his lingering feelings toward his Village; after he had been promoted out of the Team, they had gone on a mission and had never returned. Nobody alive knew of the significance of the trinket. He could wear it as a silent testament to his hidden loyalties.

A part of him wanted it back.

"Here."

Itachi turned to see Sakura offering him a square of gauze from her med-pack. He gave her an inquiring look. She tilted her chin at the body.

"You want the necklace, don't you? You don't seem like you were ever the materialistic type, so it must mean something to you. But it's tarnished from the fire, and filthy," she explained. "I thought you might want to wrap it in something, until you can clean it."

Her capacity for understanding continued to surprise him, and he felt a wash of gratitude toward her. He took the gauze, and delicately plucked the necklace from its gory bed with a soft, but no less sincere: "Thank you."

He folded the necklace into a packet, and stowed it carefully away. Then with a flicker of chakra, he immolated the body in the black flames of Amaterasu—even half-burnt, there was no sense in leaving his corpse there for any to find, and he could do nothing with it himself. He glanced at Sakura and they shared a brief look before turning to catch up with Naruto and Kakashi.

As they walked away, Sakura said quietly: "You know you can't keep from thinking about it forever."

She meant about Sasuke. "I know," Itachi told her. "But I—we all—will need to face Madara with undivided attention. It would be best for now to leave that Pandora's Box unopened, until we have the time to properly deal with what comes of opening it."

* * *

They stopped outside the room where Zetsu's chakra signature burned bright and steady, suspicious of a trap. There were no doors on the entrance, and the room beyond was impenetrably dark—likely from a jutsu, since the transition from hallway to room was stark and unnatural. Itachi activated his Sharingan, Sakura tugged at her gloves, Naruto pulled out a kunai, and they all looked to Kakashi. As the leader of their group, Kakashi would be the one to tell them to move forward or take cover. But before he gave them any signal, Zetsu's voice cut through the darkness:

"We've been waiting for you." **"You took your time getting here. Decide to indulge in some nostalgia first?"**

Their detour into the morgue hadn't gone unnoticed.

"The second voice is Black Zetsu," Itachi murmured sotto voce to the others, ignoring the sting to the plant-man-creature's comment. "That means this is the real Zetsu, not a clone—his Black side cannot be cloned."

"Come in; we won't attack you." **"Yet."**

Itachi stepped into the doorway, the first level of the Sharingan burning in his eyes. Team Seven moved to stand at his back.

"Madara-sama sends his apologies that he couldn't greet you here, Sasuke-kun," White Zetsu's voice said. **"He had business to attend to. He sent us to entertain you for now."**

"Where is he?" Itachi asked brusquely.

"He'll be waiting at the scene of your great success," came the mocking reply. Itachi's eyes narrowed.

"Cowardly, to send you to face me instead of doing so himself," Itachi said, still mimicking Sasuke's pattern of speech.

**"You can complain to him yourself… if you survive," **Black Zetsu said.

"We will!" Naruto shouted, springing forward. "Rasengan!"

_:Impulsive,: _Itachi thought, with a slight sigh. _:But not unexpected, considering.:_

Itachi wasn't concerned; Zetsu was wildly overconfident. He wasn't a combat ninja, he was reconnaissance and intelligence. He wouldn't succeed against Itachi, Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi—skilled combatants all.

"Kai!" Itachi dispelled the genjutsu that darkened the room, revealing the main chamber of the defunct Uchiha stronghold. The stone walls were cracked, vines beginning nature's process of reclamation on the building. The large crack running through the large Uchiha fan painted onto the far wall was almost poetic in its symbolism.

Zetsu was pulling on the vines, using them as if they were extensions of his body—which, Itachi reflected, they could very well have been—to bat at the Naruto clones that were bombarding him. Itachi took one step forward, and immolated the vines with a high-powered Katon. It was strong enough that they crumbled to ash within moments, and the after-images of the brightly burning flames lingered in Itachi's eyes. He blinked them away, as Sakura punched the floor, shattering it. Kakashi charged past, Chidori blazing in one hand, aiming for the network of vines and roots that had been revealed. He smashed the lightning technique into one of the largest roots, and the charge crackling through the rest… and toward Zetsu, who had attached himself to the plants. The dichromatic man managed to break off the connection before the full charge hit him, but an arc of energy did jump the tiny gap between his body and the vine roots. He hissed, pitching to the side as muscles spasmed.

Itachi blew out a Housenka no Jutsu at him, and Naruto hopped after the fireballs, kunai in hand. Zetsu made a few hand signs, and stems burst from the ground. They had thick, bulbous ends… like seed pods, or…

"Get back!" Itachi shouted, and shunshin'd away himself. Naruto took a moment to launch a couple kunai toward Zetsu, as the pods swelled. He jumped away just as they burst, spewing yellowish clouds of spores, or poison.

Kakashi cast a Katon into the haze, burning away the particles. Through the drifting ash, Sakura leapt at Zetsu. He wasn't expecting her, so the kunai she held unwaveringly with both hands cut half way through his arm at the shoulder before he jerked back and tossed her away from him.

She went flying toward Itachi, who didn't dodge out of the way, but instead braced himself and reached up. His fingers closed around her wrist, and he caught the expression of slight surprise in her green eyes even as her body responded automatically and her hand gripped his wrist back. He didn't try to stop her momentum, which would have been impossible to do without breaking bones. He redirected it, smoothly spinning her around and launching her right back at Zetsu.

The wound Sakura had inflicted had inconvenienced the Akatsuki and given Team Seven numerous openings. But those wouldn't be open for long, considering that vine-y tendrils were already sprouting from his arm and knitting it back onto his shoulder. For now, anyway, he wouldn't be able to use that arm.

Kakashi seemed determined to take full advantage of the situation, because he fired up a Raikiri and charged in with all the speed his natural prowess and his borrowed Sharingan could afford him.

This time, Zetsu's arm was blown clean off, and torn down to its composite atoms. In other words, the Lightning technique vaporized Zetsu's limb.

In the next second, Naruto's Rasengan took off his other arm. The dichromatic man let out a terrible sound that was half roar, half screel. They all recoiled from it, giving Itachi a clean line of sight.

He took the opportunity. Blinked his left eye: "Amaterasu."

Zetsu's scream cut off abruptly, as the black flames consumed all the oxygen around him and within his lungs in a flash. He died instantly, but his body continued to burn.

All breathing somewhat hard, Team Seven watched a moment. Itachi let his Sharingan fade.

"Shouldn't… shouldn't we move out? Get to…wherever Zetsu said Madara was, before he leaves?" Sakura asked, breathing slow and deep. Itachi shook his head.

"No. It is not necessary to hurry," he said, calming his own breath. "Madara sent Zetsu to test us. If he'd beaten us, we would have been a waste of Madara's time anyway. But we beat him, so Madara will wait for us, where he said he would."

"And where's that?"

"Zetsu said that Madara would be waiting for us 'at the scene of your great success,'" Kakashi said, looking at Itachi.

"Yeah, but he thought Itachi was Sasuke," Sakura put in.

"The scene of Sasuke's great success," Itachi said. "He was trying to provoke me. He meant where Sasuke killed me."

* * *

With Itachi's assurances that Madara wouldn't slip away if they didn't rush along to face him down, Team Seven found a section of the base where they could build a secure camp. They wanted to face Madara fresh, without requiring stimulants like soldier pills, or the stronger ANBU Stimpacks they carried. So they'd sleep the night, and head out at dawn. They'd all agreed that the place where Madara waited wasn't far from their current location—only a few hours' travel.

They set a watch rotation, and settled down to rest before the fight. But Sakura was having troubles quieting her mind enough to sleep. As usual, things were flying thick and fast at them, the world turned on its head again and again. It was hard to keep up. In this quiet moment, she was trying to come to grips with Sasuke's… death.

_:He's gone… not just run away, but dead.: _She squeezed her eyes shut. _:Naruto and I can't save him now, can't bring him home. Not unless…:_

She opened her eyes, and they drifted hesitantly to find the shape of Itachi's sleeping form nearby.

_:Touka Koukan…He knew what jutsu it was. He remembers Sasuke used it on him… Maybe… Maybe he **knows**__ the jutsu.:_

Sakura watched Itachi sleep, thinking, until her eyes slid shut and she finally fell asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

_TH: Gah. So late! I'm so sorry! But, um, to make up for it, this chapters nearly twice as long as the others... Fair?  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

* * *

Itachi's dreams predominantly starred a pale, blank faced Sasuke who moved in the loose, unnatural way of puppets. Chakra strings of a painful, malevolent red led from his little brother's limbs up to a figure whose Sharingan eyes burned in the dark shadows of his face. Madara's deep laugh echoed all around with gleeful malice as the chakra strings vanished and Sasuke tumbled into a motionless heap. The symbolism was obvious. Underneath the stomach-lurching sickness the dreams inspired, Itachi was a little disappointed by his subconscious's lack of subtlety.

But that didn't detract from the nauseatingly strong grief and guilt he felt when he woke. Hot on the heels of those emotions was a burning hate of Madara.

_:Today is the day that I end this,: _he thought, firmly.

Kakashi was the last on watch, and he nodded at Itachi in greeting. Itachi nodded back, and hoisted his pack.

"I'll prepare the mash," he offered. Kakashi jerked his chin toward the pile of his, Sakura's, and Naruto's packs.

"That's fine," the Copy Ninja replied. "There's a flask of water in my pack for it."

Itachi nodded and set about preparing their breakfast. As he moved around, Sakura and Naruto began to stir, woken by the small sounds he made as he set a pot of water to boil.

When the water was boiling, he tipped in the contents of one of their ration packets. The mash was a premixed combination of rice, soy protein, flavoring, and nutrient supplements. It just needed to be boiled with some water to make a highly nutritious meal enough for a full Team. The only downside was that it was bland in taste and a little paste-like in texture.

Even so, they all ate every last bit they received. They all knew they'd need the energy. After they'd scrubbed out the pot and adjusted their supplies, they stood in a loose circle.

"We'll be facing Madara today," Kakashi said, seriously. "It won't be an easy fight. I want everyone to remember their training, and to watch out for their Teammates' backs. That includes Itachi."

Murmured agreements followed, and then Itachi spoke: "Madara has many strengths. He has the Eternal Mangekyo, which gives him the ability to phase out. It will be difficult to land a blow on him; we'll need to work together to trap him. He is also capable with kenjutsu, and most likely will have a blade with him, even if you can't see it. Be cautious when you close for melee combat."

"Katana or ninjato?" Sakura asked, brow furrowed as she committed the points to memory and started calculating strategies.

"He's proficient with all forms of bladed weapon. He may even have more than one on him. Be prepared for anything," Itachi replied. "Madara does have one weakness, though. He's complacent. He's taken Uchiha pride to a higher level, and become careless with it. That will be his downfall."

"If we provoke him, will he get sloppy?" Naruto asked.

"No," Itachi shook his head. "But he will underestimate us. We could surprise him."

Naruto grinned. "I'm **great **at surprising people."

The rest of Team Seven returned the grin, teeth bared.

* * *

Every step they took toward Madara and the final fight increased Sakura's nervous tension exponentially. This was no D-ranked mission to shrug off. It was nothing to dismiss.

It was **terrifying**. Going up against Zabuza wasn't even as frightening. Hell, she'd been calmer going head to head with Sasori!

Sakura's fear rose until she was forced to use her med-nin training to calm herself down, physiologically. It wouldn't do to panic right now. After the fight—_:After we win!: _snarled part of her mind—she'd let herself break down. Right now, though, she needed to be fully aware and able.

They knew when they were getting close because the forest started showing signs of past fighting. Sasuke and Itachi's final battle, when Sasuke finally achieved his ambition and killed his older brother, had been intense and devastating. They'd destroyed a decent portion of the forest around the Uchiha stronghold in which their confrontation had taken place. Running past scarred and charred trees, Team Seven drew even closer to Madara.

Finally, once they had gotten close enough that they could see the rubble of the ruined building, Itachi motioned for them to stop.

"How is everyone in energy and chakra?" he asked. Sakura swiftly took stock of her reserves.

"Good," she said. "I've only used maybe an eighth of my chakra."

"I'm fine as well," Kakashi replied. Naruto shrugged.

"I can't tell how much I've used but I'm nowhere near low."

Itachi took a deep breath. "Right. I will lead. Stay alert."

"That's not really a problem," Sakura muttered to herself. She was so alert it would be truer to call it 'tense.'

They approached the half-ruined building, and nothing happened. They entered one of the intact rooms, and nothing happened. It was awful. Knowing an enemy was near and knowing attack would come, but it **not **occurring. It was suspense, it was tension, it was fear. It was probably a psychological tactic on Madara's part to get them jumpy and uncomfortable.

Keeping that in mind made it easier to ignore, actually. It gave her the goal of sticking it to Madara and not letting his stupid little plan work. Realizing the tension was one of his machinations somehow made each successive empty room piss her off rather than knot up her stomach. He wasn't lurking in the shadows anymore, he was hiding. He wouldn't just come out and face them.

Sakura growled under her breath some uncomplimentary things about Madara as they ventured deeper into the stronghold.

"Are we sure he's here?" Naruto grumbled as they passed through another empty room.

"Yes. I can sense him," Itachi replied. "He's in the main chamber. Where I waited for Sasuke."

He paused, then mused absently: "I wonder if he knows that… Is all of this a pageant meant to inflame Sasuke's ire?"

"Sasuke never did have a great hold on his temper," Sakura said. "And sometimes it made him make mistakes."

"Which is doubtless Madara's intent," Kakashi said.

"He plays a lot of mind games, Madara does," Sakura said bitterly. "I hate it."

"Madara takes great pride in his cleverness," Itachi said. "And he enjoys using his intellect to toy with his enemies."

"Yeah. Still hate it," Sakura snipped. Itachi gave her a humorless smile.

"I wasn't implying you shouldn't," he said. "But Madara's propensity toward mind games is a threat to all of us. Remember that."

Sakura gave him a look. "Who'd have thought? The great Uchiha Itachi is a worrywort."

"The price of genius," Itachi quipped dryly, "is that you know all the myriad ways things can go wrong."

Sakura snickered, surprised and amused by his sarcasm. The exchange also dispersed a little more of her tension…

"We're here. He's beyond this door," Itachi said then, grimly.

...and all her tension came back. She sucked in a sharp breath, and her chakra gathered in her arms, ready to be utilized for her augmented strength. That was mostly an involuntary reaction, her body responding to the promise of battle. She clenched her fists to keep it from manifesting as a glow around her hands.

"Ready," Itachi cautioned them. And then he opened the door and went through. Team Seven followed.

Sakura used medical jutsu to force adjust her eyes instantly to the change in light. The corridors and room through which they'd been traveling had been dim, but this room was lit by the sunlight streaming in through the shattered ceiling.

Madara was sitting in the stone chair that was the focal point of the room. His orange mask was gone, his face eerily ageless. There were no wrinkles; it was creased instead by scars. He smirked behind his steepled fingers, Mangekyo Sharingan eyes bright like fresh blood.

"Sasuke-kun. You've taken something that is mine," Madara didn't raise his voice, but it somehow filled the room anyway.

Itachi, taking on the mannerisms of Sasuke again, sneered. "I haven't taken anything that I haven't earned myself."

"Oh?" Madara said. "I am the head of the Uchiha Clan. All its members belong to me. Including the dead ones."

"You're the head of a clan of ghosts and graves," Itachi-Sasuke scoffed. The smirk faded from Madara's face.

"Be that as it may," Madara said, voice now holding an underlying hint of annoyance, "The Clan's dead belong to me. Their **eyes**belong to me."

"Itachi's eyes were mine," Itachi-Sasuke said with just the right amount of anger to the words. "He was my brother. He was my kill. I won these eyes. You have no right to them."

"I have the right!" Madara hissed. "When you've squandered them by bringing them to the Clan's enemies!"

He made a sharp, violent gesture toward Team Seven.

"Konoha has never been the Clan's enemy," Itachi-Sasuke refuted. "The Uchiha were mistrusted because of you. They rebelled because of your influence. The massacre was a consequence of your actions! As I see it, **you **have always been the Clan's greatest threat."

"So you truly have turned your back on your Clan. On your brother's memory," Madara said. "Do you truly care nothing for what Konoha did to Itachi?"

"I care," Itachi-Sasuke said softly. "I care a great deal. But the root of it all was you. Konoha was forced to action."

"I see," Madara sighed. "Pity. You had such promise…"

And then he attacked.

Sakura reacted automatically, hurling a brace of kunai at his face as he charged. But the weapons passed through him like he was made of smoke. His Mangekyo ability.

As Shikamaru would say: Troublesome.

Itachi blasted a Doton jutsu at Madara, the stone teeth of the animal-esque construct closing on air as Madara juked to the side to evade it. Why did he dodge? Was it because he couldn't use his ability to phase out so soon after having just done so? Or… Maybe his phasing ability only let him go incorporeal for so long. Maybe he would have phased out long enough to not get bitten by the Doton, but since the bite wasn't as transient as a knife flying through the air, he had to move so that he didn't phase back in with a stone beast's head lingering in the space where his torso would be. What **would **happen if he phased-in with something inside him?

Sakura didn't think she was fast enough to catch him, but maybe Itachi… or Kakashi. But how could she suggest it without giving away the game? Misunderstanding could be disastrous, so she didn't want to call it out in some vague 'code'. All the same, she couldn't just outright say it, or Madara would know what they were doing. Getting close to either Itachi or Kakashi could also be dangerous, since it might mess up the battle's rhythm, restrict their movements, resulting in any of them getting injured.

But the last option seemed the best. So Sakura watched Kakashi and Itachi out of the corner of her eye, trying to keep most of her attention on Madara and his attacks. Finally, she saw her chance, and darted in close to her sensei.

He saw her coming and seamlessly compensated for her presence. She got in close enough to whisper hurriedly in his ear before spinning away, knocking a few shuriken from the air as she left.

A couple seconds. It was all she needed, and then she threw herself back into the fray, feeling better that her thought had been passed. Kakashi would act on it if he believed it had merit. For now, she knew what to do.

Skipping over the Suiton Itachi sent Madara's way, Sakura flipped through a series of handseals. The stone floor under Madara twisted, like quicksand. He sank into it about four inches before he flickered out of sight, and then back in a few paces to the side. Then he ducked the lash of water from Itachi's attack, counterattacking with a quick volley of ice-blue flames.

Sakura hissed, and tried to dodge, but one clipped her shoulder, bursting over her side like a bubble. Shock reigned for a moment. And then she screamed.

It was like a grease fire; the flames splattered over her, coating her shoulder, arm and side with liquid fire that kept burning until the fabric and the flesh below it began to blister. Dimly, she heard Naruto shout her name, and then the swift firm voice of Itachi. A… wave? A wind? Something passed over her, a jutsu of some sort, and then the oppressive heat was gone. She tumbled against something, and felt a dizzying flash of vertigo.

It took her a moment to realize the flames had been put out—the pain from the burns hadn't been extinguished at all—and even longer to realize that Itachi had her cradled in his arms as he beat a quick retreat from Madara. Kakashi and Naruto covered them as Itachi carried Sakura out of the room and halfway down the hall.

Sakura couldn't help the whimper of agony as Itachi set her down against the wall. He was gentle about it, but couldn't help but jostle her slightly.

"Can you heal it?" he asked.

Sakura gasped through the pain, trying to get herself under control so she could make a medical assessment and answer him. She closed her eyes to rally her will and spirit.

Coolness replaced most of the blazing agony of her burns, and her eyes snapped open with surprised. Itachi held his palm over the worst of the burns, the gentle light of his chakra creating a soft glowing aura around his fingers.

"Thank you," Sakura managed, and hated the weakness in her voice.

"I can't heal," Itachi said, shaking his head briefly. "Not really, not for something like this. I can only numb the pain. You'll have to heal it yourself. Will you be able?"

Distanced from the hurt, she had better success marshalling herself. She nodded, lifting her unburned hand and sheathing it in the Mystic Palm technique she'd learned from Tsunade. Holding beside his hand, she began her preliminary assessment.

_:Shoulder and arm… Burns, second degree… extending into the reticular dermis. Torso, combination or first and superficial second degree. Percent of body burned… about 12-15. Ouch! Dammit!: _She flinched as Itachi's pain-numbing technique stopped, his hand pulling away now that she was getting into her own techniques. She was proud to say that, even with the weight of her pain crashing back down onto her, her Mystic Palm didn't waver at all. _:Thanks, Tsunade-shishou. Looks like your lessons-under-fire teaching method worked.:_

"I need to rejoin the fight," Itachi said. When Sakura looked at him, he was staring to the side like he could see through the walls separating them from the others.

"Go," Sakura said through gritted teeth. "I'll take care of this and join you in a bit."

Itachi looked at her, hesitated a moment, then nodded. He stood and soon disappeared back into the main chamber.

Softly cursing a blue streak under her breath, Sakura started healing herself. _:Deep tissue first, that's the important part. Heal the nerves, the glands, dermis… Epidermis unimportant right now, only superficial. Heal deeper, incapacitating damage… Have to get back in the fight quickly.:_

She most likely wouldn't be the deciding factor in the fight with Madara, but she could certainly help. While she healed herself, her Team was going three-on-one against the ancient Uchiha, which probably sounded like good odds to anyone who didn't know anything about Madara. Having heard stories, and had Itachi's briefing on the man, Sakura wasn't one of those people. She wanted the stack the odds a bit more.

Something went **boom **in the other room, and dust rained down from the ceiling as the building rumbled worryingly.

A small, back corner of Sakura's mind wondered how structurally sound the stronghold was, having already been subjected to one high-powered battle. It probably wouldn't survive this one. Hopefully, they wouldn't be stuck in it when it finally gave up the ghost and crumbled into rubble.

_:Happy thoughts,: _she scolded herself. Then, _:Okay. I'm pretty much done. The rest of the healing can wait.:_

She let the chakra fade from her hand.

That was when the wall exploded.

* * *

Itachi returned to find Madara focusing his attacks on Kakashi, who was looking a little worn around the edges. Itachi forced Madara's attention onto himself, as he shunshin'd in close, kunai in hand.

Madara's fist came around, a ninjato clasped in it in an underhand grip. Metal clashed on metal as the ancient Uchiha caught Itachi's kunai on his short sword. The skittering screech of the two blades rubbing against each other as both Uchiha fought to press back the other's weapon set Itachi's teeth on edge. The blades wavered, neither gaining the upperhand. Then, faster than a blink—as fast as the preternatural speed their Sharingan afforded them—they disengaged their weapons and traded a flurry of blows.

Itachi had warned Team Seven of Madara's prowess with all forms of bladed weapon for a reason. The man was a genius with a sword, no matter what its form. He could be wielding a pair of children's safety scissors and still hold his own against Itachi's attacks. The result of Itachi's challenging him to a melee skirmish was a forgone conclusion. Even with Itachi's comrades occasionally getting in brief attacks when they thought they could safely avoid hitting Itachi by accident, Madara would sooner or later get in the definitive attack. Hopefully, it wouldn't be fatal.

At last, Itachi staggered away from Madara clutching a hand to his side, feeling the hot flow of his blood over his knuckles. The ninjato hadn't pierced or nicked any organs, but the razor-sharp blade had slid along his ribs, separating skin and thin muscle and baring bone.

Kakashi and Naruto, having been hovering around the edges of the fight, always keen always ready, leapt in to keep Madara from pressing forward and finishing Itachi. Madara's Gokakyu met Kakashi's Suiton head-on, exploding into a cloud of steam. A handful of kunai zipped out from the cloud, trailing tendrils of steam.

Team Seven dodged, Itachi with a short hiss as the wound on his side pulled, spilling more blood. He hopped and skipped behind Kakashi, murmuring: "Cover me."

He didn't wait for a response, trusting Kakashi easily and without reservation. He turned his attention to the wound in his side, picking his blood-sticky shirt away from his skin. Sakura was still absent, healing herself. But this needed to be taken care of right away.

Itachi didn't have the precise chakra control to execute the Mystic Palm jutsu with the speed and ability of a med-nin. He needed a quick fix, and for that, he had but one tool in his arsenal.

Taking a fortifying breath, Itachi braced himself, bared his side, and with a very careful and precise application of Katon, cauterized the wound.

The world whited out briefly, accompanied by a stench of burned flesh and blood. Then Itachi's vision cleared, and he leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. Looking, he found that the blood was now only barely trickling from the wound. Although it looked even worse now, and still hurt, it wasn't bleeding as much and would probably keep until the end of the battle… Whatever end that might be.

He stood straight, twisted a little to test his side. It hurt, a lot, but he would be able to fight on.

It took him only seconds. Then, with a swift shuriken barrage, he reapplied the pressure on Madara. The ancient Uchiha's smirk was growing, and he mocked: "Is this all you have?"

Itachi narrowed his eyes, threw three successive genjutsu over the infuriating man, and exhaled a Suiton at him. Kakashi added a complementary Doton to it, resulting in a wave of heavy mud crashing down over Madara. A squad of Naruto's Kage Bunshin leapt after the deluge, weapons in hand.

The mud sloughed through Madara, as he began to laugh. He jumped up and phased in long enough to kick and punch the Bunshin into releasing. Landing, he made a beckoning gesture to them, grinning maliciously.

"Rasengan!" Naruto—or one of Naruto's clones—shouted, punching forward with a whirlpool of blue chakra cupped in one palm. Madara grabbed his wrist and hurled the Naruto over his shoulder. The clone dispersed as it and the Rasengan hit the floor with a rattling **boom**.

Itachi had copied and memorized several of Sasuke's signature moves simply by fighting his little brother with his Sharingan active. He now flicked through the handseals for one of them, as fast as if he'd been executing the jutsu his whole life.

"Chidori Nagashi!" With some force of will, Itachi managed to send a majority of the electric charge in an arc from him to Madara.

Madara sneered and huffed out a Fuuton, which made the lightning skitter off the air around him. Bent off course, it still streaked on, strength not diminished.

Itachi's heart nearly stopped when he realized the bolt was heading toward the wall beyond which Sakura was ensconced, healing herself. There was no time for him to do anything as the Chidori Nagashi hit the wall, and decimated it.

_:No!: _he thought, sick with the thought that he might have just contributed to the kunoichi's death.

* * *

Sakura heard Itachi cry her name, echoed by Kakashi and Naruto, as the rubble tumbled down and the dust flew up. She stood up, and tugged her gloves tighter. Stepping into the new opening, she glared into the room as the dust settled.

She caught a glimpse of Itachi's relieved face, a streak of blood on one cheek, before she sneered at Madara and slapped her hand onto the floor. A forest of stone spikes sprang from the floor, cutting a zigzagging path toward Madara.

At the same time, Naruto hurled a Rasenshuriken at him, while Kakashi and Itachi both used their Sharingan to cast genjutsu.

Sakura didn't know whose attack it was; she couldn't see clearly through the chaos of all the techniques, but when everything stilled and the dust settled, there was a line of red, red blood flowing over Madara's leg. His smirk was absent, now, as he watched the crimson run over his ankle and onto the floor.

He wasn't bleeding out, by any means, but it was a substantial injury.

Sakura's breath caught. _:We got him! We **can **__hurt him!:_

"I can see I will have to stop playing with you now," Madara said. He **moved**, and it was so fast that Sakura didn't even see him until he came to a stop.

He had Naruto pinned against the wall by his throat, one pale hand spanning the Jinchuuriki's neck, digging in and cutting off breath. Naruto choked and clawed at Madara's arm and hand, kicking out with his feet as well.

But Madara was strong and his reach was long—Naruto couldn't get him to let go, couldn't really land a solid kick.

"Naruto!" Sakura shouted, and started forward. Madara didn't even look, he made a careless gesture… and Sakura crashed to the floor with senbon peppering her legs, freezing up the muscles. She gave a half-scream, half-yelp.

"Kyuubi," Madara said. Commanded. "Burn."

And Naruto started screaming.

The sound clutched at Sakura's heart like claws. She scrabbled for the senbon paralyzing her limbs, desperate to get up, to help him.

"Stop!" Itachi's command cut over the agonized howls. Sakura glanced up at him; his eyes were all red and black and angles and curves. His jaw was tight and he was staring intently at Naruto, battling Madara's will with his own.

Naruto's horrible noises lessened in volume, but blood was leaking out of his ears, nose, and eyes, mixing with tears on his face. Sakura yanked the senbon out of her flesh and punched a little knot of chakra into each puncture wound, a quick-and-dirty fix.

Madara's shoulders were tight with the strain of battling Itachi for control of the Kyuubi.

"Damn it!" Sakura hissed vociferously, staggering to her feet. As she did, she caught sight of Kakashi, who was on his knees nearby, his Sharingan left eye open, right eye closed. He was joining the war of wills that was occurring behind Naruto's belly button.

"Hell with this!" Sakura snarled. Taking out a kunai, she shunshin'd right in next to Madara, raised the weapon, and buried it deep in the soft inner crook of the Uchiha's elbow.

A few things happened then all at once. Madara made a truly awful sound of combined rage and pain, his arm dropping away from Naruto as the wound incapacitated it. Naruto fell away from the wall, dropping to all fours. At the same time, a cowl of hissing red chakra exploded around him, throwing all of them back. Sakura and Madara caught the brunt of it, being as close to it as they were.

Sakura's head hit the far wall (or what remained of it) hard, making her vision go white then black and red and then slowly come back blurred. She felt the wetness of blood drip down her ear and neck from the contact point, and her ears rang. Dazed, she couldn't really make out what was happening around her, and when she tried to move the room lurched unpleasantly and she vomited to her side.

_:That's not good,: _she thought weakly. Her eyes slid shut and the world faded away.


	19. Chapter 19

_TH: Welp, this is the second to last chapter in tPoS! We've come a ways, haven't we? I thank you all kindly for sticking with me as the time between chapters has gotten longer and longer... I apologize for that. I'll do my best to make sure the last chapter comes out in the next week or two. In the meantime, please read and enjoy, and if you could see your way to reviewing, I'd take it as a kindness!  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

Sakura came to staring at the bright sky and white clouds framed by jagged, broken stone. She blinked lazily, slowly coming up out of unconsciousness. Dimly, she realized something elsewhere in the room was howling. It was an inhuman, rage-filled sound. She also thought someone was shouting, but she couldn't quite hear the words.

She groaned as the ache in her head pounded its way to the front of her awareness. _:Oh, yeah… Ow.:_

Smashing into walls, it turned out, hurt a bit.

Her healing chakra automatically pooled in her head, healing most of the concussion before it sputtered out. She was spent. Hopefully, that wasn't going to prove a problem.

Sakura flinched as several somethings flashed across the piece of sky in her vision. Then, as her mind caught up with her eyes, she gasped and struggled upright. "Naruto!"

The creature that was her Teammate shrieked its fury as it chased Itachi around the room. Nothing could be seen of Naruto's own features—where there was once blond hair, blue eyes and orange fabric there was now a shifting, writhing cowl of red and black. His eyes and mouth were glowing slashes against his face, and he was bent onto all fours with a distinctly inhuman grace.

Naruto wasn't home—the Kyuubi was in charge. And the Kyuubi evidently wanted Itachi dead. The Uchiha was making a pretty good showing, evading the Jinchuuriki's four-tailed form for the most part. Sakura could see, however, that he had raw wounds from the Kyuubi's caustic chakra, and that his strength was flagging.

Kakashi was doing his best to help Itachi, but to do so he had to get into close to Naruto, close enough to touch so he could set the restraining seal on Naruto's belly. Getting that close obviously meant danger. Sakura remembered that day, with Yamato-taicho, and Orochimaru; she remembered how the Kyuubi's chakra had burned.

Sakura wished, with a painful earnestness, that Yamato was with them. His ability to use the Mokuton to restrain Naruto would be invaluable right about now.

Ignoring her still-throbbing head, Sakura staggered to her feet, taking stock of the situation more fully.

What had happened to Madara? The last she remembered, he had been blasted by the Kyuubi's chakra, just like Sakura. But he was nowhere to be seen…

_:Wait. Oh… oh.: _Sakura's eyes widened and she couldn't help but raise one hand to her mouth in disgust. Madara was nowhere to be seen, but pieces of him were. There. And there… and there…

The Kyuubi, through Naruto, had ripped the ancient Uchiha into little bits and strewn them about the room. A mostly-intact arm dangled from a jagged bit of broken ceiling by a scrap of flesh. Bits of blood-sodden cloth were plastered wetly against every surface, and right next to Sakura were two sticky-wet smears on the wall, blood and something else that was clear and wet. They were what was left of Madara's eyes, if the optic nerve stuck in the midst of the mess was anything to go by.

_:The Kyuubi is a wild thing, a force of nature; he does not like to be controlled. The Sharingan is a leash, a method of control,: _Sakura thought. _:He did this. The Kyuubi. He splattered Madara's Sharingan against the wall from fury.:_

Her eyes went to the tableau before her, Naruto-Kyuubi chasing Itachi with full intent to kill. Chasing Uchiha Itachi, who also possessed the Sharingan, the ability to enthrall the Fox.

_:Why not chase Kakashi? He also has a Sharingan, but the Kyuubi is almost ignoring him.: _ Maybe it was because Kakashi only had one Sharingan eye, or because it was a transplant. Maybe Kakashi, as a non-Uchiha, didn't have the ability to completely control the Kyuubi. After all, Kakashi did resort to using seals to restrain the beast when it surfaced. He'd never used his left eye. Maybe when he'd joined the battle of wills with Madara and Itachi earlier, he'd only been fighting Madara, not trying to grip the Kyuubi.

Sakura's eyes narrowed, then. _:And why isn't Itachi using his Sharingan to subdue the Fox? Is he out of chakra?:_

It seemed entirely possible; the fight with Madara had been strenuous, and Itachi was now having to put everything he had into avoiding the Kyuubi. He couldn't really strike back, because he didn't want to hurt Naruto.

Sakura cast about, and finally spotted their packs. They'd dropped them unceremoniously as soon as they'd entered the chamber and seen Madara waiting for them. Through all the jutsu flying about and the small explosion from the Kyuubi's chakra manifesting, the packs had shifted somewhat, but Sakura managed to locate the one she needed quickly.

She scrambled to it, pain from her partially healed wounds dogging each step she took. Finally, teeth gritted, she got to it, ripped it open, and snatched out a small packet.

"Itachi!" she cried, spinning. Without waiting for an answer, she pitched the ANBU Stimpack she held at her Teammate.

Itachi had swift reflexes, even if he wasn't using the Sharingan. He caught the packet, tearing it open and crunching down on the two pills inside without a second thought.

Almost immediately, Sakura felt his weakened chakra pulse with sudden strength. Itachi stopped in his tracks, and his head snapped around to pin Naruto-Kyuubi with a level stare. His Sharingan was bright in his face once more.

"Stop," he said. His voice was gentle, but the tone of command was unmistakable.

The Kyuubi shrieked once more, then the glaring red chakra twisted and disappeared, drawing back into Naruto like water down a drain. Left bare, burned, and dazed, Naruto lifted his blurred blue eyes to them.

"Wha—?" he managed, and then his consciousness fled like a switch had been flipped. Kakashi was at his side in an instant, rolling the collapsed Jinchuuriki over to check the seal on his belly. The lines of it were bold against his skin, but they faded when Kakashi touched the seal carefully with chakra-encased fingertips.

"He'll be alright," Kakashi said, when he looked up. Sakura let out her breath, and looked toward Itachi.

The Uchiha had moved close, and was looking down at Naruto with weary relief. He was streaked with sweat, blood, soot, and pulverized stone dust.

"Are you alright?" Sakura asked. He nodded slightly.

"As well as can be expected," he said in a voice rough with exhaustion, relief, and a thousand other emotions. Madara was dead, but so was Sasuke. Yes, Sakura could see how Itachi would have mixed feelings.

"We did it," she said, the victory just beginning to fully dawn on her. "Madara's dead. We did it."

Her own exhaustion, and adrenalin, and pain, and relief, and grief all mixed together in a hysteric bubble in her chest, which rose into her throat and erupted in a slightly manic giggle.

Sakura sat down hard, still giggling.

"Well," Kakashi said, his eyes curving shut with his smile. "That's good then."

Then he collapsed, like he had after his fight with Zabuza, having used his Sharingan too much and pushed himself too hard. The **whump** he made and the dust cloud that rose around him as he hit the floor made Sakura giggle more.

Her head snapped to the side and her cheek stung, and Sakura blinked in surprise, her laughter cut off. She turned her head back around and met Itachi's grim eyes.

"Forgive me," he said, lowering his hand. "You were becoming hysterical."

He'd slapped her. Sakura took a couple deep, shaky breathes, feeling the wild edge of her feelings dim. "It's alright. It's fine; I needed that."

She paused and looked at her Teammates. Naruto was unconscious, so was Kakashi. Neither had wounds that were life-threatening, fortunately. Sakura, herself, was pretty much out of chakra and didn't even have the energy to want to **try **to stand.

Itachi fetched another ANBU Stimpack and pressed it into her hand. "We still need to get out of here and get back to Konoha. Take this, then help Naruto. Try to get him to wake, and help him heal up. At least enough that he can travel. We'll put Kakashi on a stretcher; his wounds aren't bad, so we'll just bandage him."

"I'll have enough chakra to heal him, once I take this," she said as she ripped the Stimpack open. But Itachi shook his head.

"No. You'll need most of your energy for travel. Just get Naruto conscious; he'll recover quickly with the Kyuubi's energy, and then he can carry Kakashi's stretcher. You and I, we'll need to travel light; we're probably going to crash from the Stims before we reach Konoha as it is."

Sakura frowned. "Fine, I won't heal Kakashi yet. But you, I insist on treating your wounds, otherwise you won't even reach Konoha at all."

"Fine," he said. "Get to work."

The ANBU Stimpacks worked much like Soldier Pills, but unlike the normal Pills, they were strictly controlled and given only to ANBU. Tsunade had bent some rules in giving them to Team Seven, even if Itachi and Kakashi were 'ex'-ANBU. The reason was that the Stimpacks were much stronger than normal Pills, stronger and more dangerous. Simply put, they increased chakra and energy and awareness in those who took them, but they did so by accelerating the body's natural processes and increasing adrenal activity. And all that came at a price. The energy had to come from somewhere, and in this case it was the ninja's body. Ninja generally took stimulants when their energy was flagging, which meant the levels of free glucose in their bodies were low, which meant the body turned to stored energy—fat was broken down first, and then muscle—to fuel its increased metabolism. The Stimpacks also increase adrenalin production, which in turn increases heart-rate and respiration. All of the increases in bodily functions cause strain on the body, which can be dangerous if said body is not fit enough.

Sakura felt the effects almost immediately after taking the pills, and went quickly to work on Naruto. For all their strength, the Stimpacks didn't last forever. When it wore off, Sakura knew she was going crash, hard. Itachi was right, it would be best if they got going as soon as possible.

Naruto's inherently quick healing made the job a little easier for Sakura. She helped the inflammation and rawness caused by the massive amount of the Kyuubi's chakra that had cycled through Naruto's chakra network, and gave the re-growth of the outer layers of his skin a little nudge. It wasn't long before his eyes were moving under the lids, and he started stirring.

"Guh," he said, eyes fluttering open. "Sakura-chan? What happened?"

"Madara pissed Kyuubi off," Sakura said succinctly.

"Oh no!" Naruto said, looking around with a wild sort of worry. In his experience, nothing good came of the Kyuubi getting angry. He saw Kakashi sprawled on the floor, and his eyes went wide. "I didn't do that, did I?"

"No…" Sakura said. "I mean, not **directly**…"

"Kyuubi tore Madara limb from limb," Itachi put in. "Then he attempted to do the same with me. Kakashi merely exhausted himself helping me stay alive."

"I…I'm sorry," Naruto whispered, shrinking into himself. Itachi shook his head, giving a vague gesture.

"Madara is dead, and we are alive," he said. "That is well worth any discomfort."

"Speaking of," Sakura said, "let me look at your wounds now."

Itachi gave Naruto an order to scrounge up materials to make a stretcher for Kakashi before he submitted readily to Sakura's care. Sakura worked on healing him for a while in silence before she murmured: "Madara died without knowing the truth about you. Is that alright?"

"He is dead," Itachi replied. "Whether he believed I was Sasuke or not doesn't matter."

"I suppose that's true. But didn't you… I don't know… want to rub it in his face?"

"I am just… so weary," Itachi said, so quietly it was like he wasn't really talking to anybody but himself. "It is hard to care."

Sakura's chest tightened as the soft words reached her straining ears, but she couldn't really find anything to say. She had no words of reassurance. So she was silent, smoothing her hand over the last of his worst wounds.

"There," she said finally. "That should keep you going until we reach Konoha. You'll need some hospital care to fully recover, though."

"I see," he said, rotating his shoulders. "Thank you."

She hesitated like she wanted to add something else, but at that moment Naruto returned with some sturdy, straight branches. "Here! We can sling some of the bedrolls together with these."

"Good," Itachi said. "Then let's do so. We need to get moving."

* * *

It was nearing dawn when the gate guards at Konoha's main gate noticed a small group approaching the Village. Two were leaning on each other, which the third was dragging a stretcher behind him.

The gate guards stood in unison, recognizing the Team approaching. They stared, and then traded looks.

"Go retrieve a medical team from the hospital, and alert the Hokage," the senior guard ordered. His partner rushed off, and he waited for the Team to reach the gates. According to his orders, he was not allowed to leave his post if his partner wasn't there, no matter what. He had to wait until Team Seven reached the gate themselves.

The medical team, and the Hokage herself, arrived before they did. Tsunade crossed her arms and waited with an apparent air of impatience. When Team Seven reached the threshold of the gate, Sakura looked up from under Itachi's arm and gave her teacher a weary grin.

"We're home," she said. Tsunade's bearing softened, and she allowed her apprentice a slight smile.

"Welcome home."

* * *

Sakura, Itachi, and Kakashi were hospitalized. Kakashi was still in a healing coma from reaching too far beyond his limits. Itachi and Sakura were in for their wounds as well as the strain the ANBU Stimpacks had put on their bodies. The worst of their wounds were healed with chakra, but many of the non-life-threatening ones were left to heal naturally. They were wrapped and splinted to immobilize broken and cracked bones, and they were placed on glucose drips.

Naruto, of course, was completely healed by the time they'd reached Konoha, so he escaped a hospital stay. He did visit them, however, which was a nice distraction from the monotony of convalescence. And he made them promise to go with him to get ramen when they got out.

When Tsunade released them, she told them that Team Seven's report was postponed until their leader, Kakashi, recovered from his coma. She'd already gotten the unofficial summary of what had happened, anyway.

"For the time being, you are all on leave. Use this time to fully recuperate. Sakura, that means no shifts in the hospital. Naruto, don't even think about whining to me for a mission," Tsunade leveled narrowed eyes at Itachi. "And you, Uchiha. I've just barely managed to get the mess with Danzo and the Council cleaned up. I haven't had the time to even consider how to approach the matter of your real identity."

"The Village can go on believing that I am Sasuke," he said quietly. "There is no reason why Uchiha Itachi cannot simply remain dead."

"What!" Naruto bleated. "But you're Itachi! Why would you want to pretend you're Sasuke? You'd have to lie for the rest of your life!"

Sakura was staring at Itachi, confused. "But this entire time you kept adamantly denying that you were Sasuke. Why fake it now?"

"And everybody believed that to be the talk of a sick man," Itachi returned placidly. "Aside from Team Seven and you, Tsunade-sama, nobody believes it."

"But…" Sakura said, "But, your name—Itachi's name is cleared now. You're not a nukenin anymore. You're not a criminal. There's—"

"There would still be hate, and fear," Itachi interrupted her. "For so long my name was one to be reviled, like Orochimaru's—see, you flinch at his name. You can't imagine that he might be innocent. People have been taught to hate my name, fear my name. That isn't going to change easily, even with the Hokage's endorsement."

"But Sasuke was also a nukenin," Naruto said. "So you'll still get the hate and fear."

"It was never the same," Itachi said. "My crimes and Sasuke's are very different. You kept trying to bring Sasuke back, kept believing in him. There was always forgiveness for him, if he only reached out for it."

"Itachi…" Sakura trailed off.

"Well," Tsunade said, drawing their attention to her. "I won't force you to make a decision right now. Take a week, think about it. And I mean really think about it, Uchiha."

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Understood," he said.

"Alright. You're dismissed," she said, and Itachi left. Tsunade stared at Naruto and Sakura a moment, and then asked: "So. Your thoughts?"

"On?" Sakura asked. Tsunade lifted a brow.

"On Itachi. How did he behave on the mission? What did you think of working with him?"

Sakura hesitated, but Naruto didn't.

"I trust him. I like him," he said candidly. Tsunade nodded, and looked at Sakura.

"He saved my life," she said. "So either he's trustworthy, or he's playing a broader game than we might think."

"**Do** you think he's playing a game?"

"I…" Sakura hesitated. "I want to think he isn't."

"Mmm," Tsunade said. "Well. Thank you for sharing your perspectives. I'm not going to make any decisions until I've heard the official mission report and heard Itachi's own decision. You're dismissed."

"Understood," they said, leaving.

Outside the door, Naruto looked around and frowned. "Where'd he go?"

It was obvious who 'he' was. Sakura also looked around, and frowned. "I don't know. Maybe…um…" she trailed off, uncertain just what she could suggest. Maybe he went home? But he didn't have one; the apartment he'd been staying in during his amnesia (or whatever it was) had only been temporary and was no longer open to him. And she did not think he'd have returned to the Uchiha Compound, considering how Kakashi had said he'd reacted to it last time. He didn't have anyone to visit either, unless perhaps he had gone to pay his respects at the Memorial…

"I was going to ask if all three of us wanted to get ramen," Naruto lamented, unaware of Sakura's concern.

"What, without Kakashi?" she asked absently. _:Tsunade has ANBU watching him, just in case, so probably nothing bad will happen…:_

"We can go again when he wakes up," Naruto allowed magnanimously.

"**WHAT?**" Tsuande's voice rang out loudly from behind the closed door at their backs, making them both jump in surprise. A few stomping footsteps tracked up to the door, and Naruto and Sakura turned as Tsunade wrenched the door open and glared out at them. She snapped: "Get in here."

They obeyed with alacrity. Tsunade slammed the door shut behind them, stalked to her desk, and slammed her palm down onto the key seal for the secrecy Fuuinjutsu that had been built into the office. The veils of sound-proofing chakra swept up the walls, and then Tsunade said, with absolute fury: "Uchiha Itachi has slipped his ANBU guards and disappeared."

Sakura's jaw dropped.


	20. Chapter 20

_TH: As promised, I have this chapter out in a timely manner. And it's the LAST CHAPTER! Thanks, everyone, for reading The Philosophy of Self. Super-awesome-shiny-thanks-yay for those of you who reviewed! I really appreciate it.  
_

_Please enjoy this conclusion to the story.  
_

_beta: Icescim_

* * *

**The Philosophy of Self**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

* * *

Several frantic thoughts ran through Sakura's head as Naruto spluttered and Tsunade looked grim. _:He's going rogue again. He's going to attack Konoha. He's going after the rest of Akatsuki. He's going to kill the other Councilmembers. He's…:_

"So much for that trust," Tsunade spat. "When I get my hands on that… to think I actually was starting to like that kid!"

"Are we searching for him?" Sakura asked quietly.

"ANBU squads are looking now, but he is adept at not being found. He can hide his chakra signature such that it is completely undetectable," Tsunade said grimly.

"I meant, are you going to have Naruto and I look," Sakura said. Tsunade's eyes went to Sakura's and stuck there.

"Do you know where he could be?" she demanded. Sakura shrugged.

"Not really, but I have ideas. And it wouldn't hurt to get more of us out there looking," she said. Tsunade started at her a moment longer, then nodded.

"That is true. Fine. Signal if you've found him by flaring your chakra. Do **not **approach him, do you hear me? We don't know what he's thinking," the Hokage said firmly.

_:No, but I have a feeling I do,: _Sakura thought, even as she replied with Naruto: "Yes, Tsunade-sama."

After they were dismissed and left the Hokage's office once more, Sakura turned to Naruto and said: "We should split up. It's important one of us finds him, not ANBU. Splitting up will give us better odds, though we'll still have to work hard to beat ANBU to him."

"Yeah!" Naruto agreed, his hurt expression lightening somewhat. "Do you know where we should look first?"

Sakura thought a moment. "Naruto, you check the Uchiha Compound. It's deserted and holds heavy meaning for him; he may have gone there. I'll… I'll start a sweep of the immediate area outside the Village proper, see if I can find any hint that he's left."

"Right," Naruto nodded. "Call if you need me."

"You too," she said, and Naruto took off running. Sakura's face descended into a scowl. "Okay, Itachi. Where the hell are you?"

She ran off, too.

…Toward the top of the Hokage Monument.

Somehow, it seemed appropriate. From the Monument, one can look down on all of Konoha. Itachi would want to see the Village he had sacrificed everything for before he…

Sakura set her jaw and shunshin'd up.

She found Itachi tucked slightly within the forest behind the mountain. The second she saw him, he trapped her in a genjutsu. There was already a squad of ANBU scattered around him, motionless in their own illusionary worlds.

Sakura, when she was younger, had internalized many of her stronger emotions in an attempt to seem like the serene, sweet girl that her parents had wanted her to be, and that she believed Sasuke had wanted. Those repressed emotions had become Inner Sakura, the strong, outspoken alter-ego that had lived in Sakura's head. It wasn't until Sakura's fight with Ino during the Chuunin Exam that she found out that that second, internal personality had conferred upon her a method of withstanding mental jutsu. Inner Sakura could split from Sakura's mind and break her out of Ino's Shintenshin… and it could even break her out of genjutsu.

Almost as soon as Itachi's genjutsu had settled over her, Sakura's mind split, and the genjutsu shattered. Undeterred, Itachi threw another genjutsu over her. She broke through that one as well, and glared at Itachi.

He stared back, eyes in the base form of the Sharingan, and cast a higher-level genjutsu. This one made Sakura close her eyes and use 'kai' to escape, but escape she did.

"I can do this all day," she growled at him. "What about you? I just need to signal, and all the ANBU teams out looking for you will be here in a blink. And I really doubt even you can take so many elites on at once."

"You don't know what you're doing," Itachi said sharply.

"Strange, I thought I was stopping you," Sakura sniped.

"I'm giving Sasuke back to you!" He hissed.

"You idiot!" she hissed back, stalking toward him. "I **knew **you were going to try to use that jutsu!"

"Don't pretend you don't **want **me to!"

"What?" she cried.

"Do **not **lie," Itachi said harshly. Sakura mouthed soundlessly for a moment.

"I… wha… Fine! **Yes**, when we first found out that Sasuke was dead and you might know the jutsu he used, I thought that **maybe **you could use it to bring him back! But it was only a thought, and one I didn't entertain for long!" Sakura said, throwing her hands up. "But **apparently **I've realized something **you **haven't since then!"

"And what might that be?" Itachi asked. His eyes were still red and black, narrowed in aggravation. Sakura met them belligerently, fairly glaring into the Sharingan.

"You cannot use Touka Koukan to bring Sasuke back," she said. She wasn't shouting anymore; instead, she was speaking in a low, intense voice to force him to listen. "If you do that, there will be no end to this! You sacrificed yourself to give Sasuke closure and a future. But when he found out… When…"

She could see she wasn't getting through to him. She almost wished she had brought Naruto with her after all; he could have just used his 'therapy jutsu' on Itachi and everything would have been fine. But then, she hadn't brought him because she wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't want Sasuke back badly enough to let Itachi use Touka Koukan.

But she was the only one here, and she couldn't convert people just by punching them and yelling at them. She'd have to rely on her powers of persuasion. Shaking her head, she tried a different track: "For all that you loved him, you never really understood your brother, did you?" And before Itachi could voice his indignation, she continued, "You thought you could make him hate you. You thought you could make him hate you so much he would be healed by killing you. But I think you underestimated how much Sasuke loved his older brother. Sasuke loved you so much that when he discovered the truth, it broke him that it had been his hand that had ended you."

"How can you know this?" Itachi demanded.

"The proof is in how **passionately **he hated you!" Sakura said, waving a hand. "There cannot be that depth of feeling of betrayal if he hadn't felt something for you! And I bet you that half of that was Sasuke transferring the hate he felt for himself, because he found that he could not stop loving his brother even after what you'd done."

"When I bring him back, and he realizes…" Itachi started stiffly. Sakura interrupted him.

"Stop thinking with your guilt and start thinking with your mind! Sasuke was never emotionally strong! The evidence is all over his childhood! Hating and loving you, and the guilt and the hurt, and the betrayal… Everything about that situation **broke him**. Sasuke could not go on. That he sacrificed himself in the first place to bring you back, even though he knew you had wanted to die, is telling. **Sasuke could not live knowing that he was the reason you had died**. What makes you think he won't just use Touka Koukan again after you've used it? And if he does, are you going to give up? No! Just like every other obstinate, arrogant, **damn fool Uchiha**, you'd probably just up and turn it around again! When does it stop, Itachi? Huh?"

* * *

It bothered Itachi that Sakura had found him so quickly. It bothered him that she had proved resistant to his genjutsu. It bothered him that she seemed to know him, and Sasuke, well enough to make educated guesses at their actions—past and potential. Most of all, it bothered him that he could hear the reason, the sense, in what she was saying.

He could feel his resolve wavering. And that brought on a burst of aggravation. "You will explain everything to him, once I bring him back. You and Naruto, you will persuade Sasuke to stay…"

"Yeah, because he listened to us **so well **before," Sakura snapped.

"Then, what?" Itachi demanded, completely incapable of maintaining his usual calm, stoic demeanor. "Sasuke was unable to stand under the weight of his grief and regrets, so **I **must stand under my own? Is **my **suffering so negligible next to his?"

Sakura blinked, looking slightly taken-aback. Then her eyes narrowed. "You're finally thinking selfishly for once and it's at the wrong time."

Itachi stayed silent, staring at her and waiting. She scowled at him.

"You were always stronger than Sasuke, and I don't mean this—" she made a vague gesture he assumed encompassed shinobi life "—Think about it. Would Sasuke have ever been able to go through what you did? Or would he have broken under the pressure of your Clan? Or under the pressure and horror of being ordered to kill his family? Or would he have broken later? But you… despite your guilt and pain… despite the fact that you're a pacifist, you continued to live and protect those important to you."

"That may be," Itachi said quietly, the soul-deep exhaustion that had plagued him for most of his life returning, "but strength is not limitless. And I am at the end of mine."

"So, what now? Are we supposed to let you kill yourself?"

"I wouldn't count it a tragedy if I gave my life to give Sasuke his," Itachi told her.

"I would," she disagreed firmly. "Haven't you been listening to me? Sasuke would never let it all go and live. He's past the point of wanting to try. He's past the point of listening to any of us. You have become everything for him. He doesn't care about anything else. If he can't save you, he'll kill himself."

Itachi's eyes snapped to hers, and he could read in them that she truly believed what she was saying.

"Suicide," he murmured.

"Sasuke was beyond any of the help we could have given him," Sakura said. There was a note of sorrow in her voice. "He couldn't stand all the guilt and grief and regret and hate and love he was feeling. He let his emotions overcome him, and let them guide his decisions. His anger and hatred let Orochimaru get a toehold in his mind. They drove him to almost kill his Teammates. He almost killed Naruto in particular numerous times. Because he gave in to his emotions, and because of Orochimaru's influence, he's done things he can't forgive himself for."

_:So have I,: _Itachi thought, and something of that must have shown on his face or in his eyes, because Sakura said:

"You never went against your innermost morals. You never betrayed the core of who you were, never lost sight of that. You may have been a pacifist who killed, but you never betrayed your beliefs. You killed because you thought it necessary to preserve other life. It's the most difficult moral question: Should you kill some to save others? I don't think you have ever acted in a way that ran contrary to what your answer to that question is.

"Sasuke," she continued, "lost his reason. He could have resisted Orochimaru's Cursed Seal, but he gave into it, because he was angry and lost and frustrated. He wanted to kill you, but he loved you, and he saw in Orochimaru a way to kill that love. All love. He went to Orochimaru on purpose, to lose his humanity. Under the Cursed Seal, his loyalty, his love, his self all burned away. It is one reason why I don't think he could let himself live, now. You got rid of the Seal, you said, and when that happened, Sasuke regained his conscience, and he knew he had destroyed himself with his emotion-fueled decision to go to Orochimaru. And when he learned that you weren't the monster he'd thought, and realized that maybe, if he hadn't killed his love for you, he might not have killed you… He realized that he had well and truly lost all sense of the very core of his being. Bringing you back was the one thing he could do that gave him back some measure of himself. It patched together the broken pieces of his **self**, long enough that he could die as Uchiha Sasuke, and not some twisted caricature."

Itachi, who himself had been on the brink of acting solely on the basis of his own emotion, contrary to what his own sense of reason was telling him, repressed a shudder. He turned his face away from Sakura, who fell silent.

He remembered the last flicker of feeling he'd gotten from Sasuke's departing soul, as the Touka Koukan jutsu dragged his own soul from death. After the love, regret, and forgiveness, there had been one blinding flash of… relief. Relief so profound that even the memory of it made Itachi's eyes sting with tears.

He had been avoiding think about it, about what it had meant, because he had not felt that he deserved life. He had felt that Sasuke deserved it, needed it. But that flash of relief, the exhalation of a torn soul finally given reprieve… told him otherwise.

Itachi might have suffered and grieved for the lives he had taken—he might always carry them with him—but he had never doubted his purpose. He had always had the strength of his morals, his conviction, to lean upon. He'd never lost sight of his self or his goals.

Could he, then, begrudge Sasuke the solace of death? Could he think to take it away?

Sharingan fading, Itachi closed his eyes and felt the tears hot on his lashes.

"_I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough for your expectations. _

_ "I was never as strong as you… _

_ "But I am strong enough to give you this._

"_My weakness would have destroyed it all. It destroyed me. I cannot; you must. You should. You deserve this more than I. I'm sorry… onii-tama."_

Itachi opened his eyes, head tilted up so that the sight that greeted him was the bright blue sky over Konoha. He murmured to the waiting Sakura: "You are very perceptive."

He could sense her relax slightly, heard her exhalation of held breath. "Then…?"

"I felt Sasuke's soul in the Touka Koukan. I knew his reasons, felt his emotions," Itachi admitted to her. "I had been ignoring them in my own pain. I hadn't wanted to think…"

He paused, then told her: "Everything you've said rings true."

"So, you'll let yourself live?" she asked quietly.

"I cannot guess how you can care so much," he admitted, "for one such as I."

Her lips wavered into a wry smile. "I never used to understand Sasuke, when we were younger. I didn't have the same experiences to draw from, and couldn't fathom his. That's changed as I've gotten older, and now after all this, I think I might finally understand him. And I… even after everything, he was my Teammate. I respect the decision he made in sacrificing himself to give you a second chance. And…"

She hesitated momentarily, and then admitted: "And I've gotten to know you. I've gotten to understand you, even if only this little bit. And I like what I see. Sasuke did not over-judge your worth. I am proud to call you comrade, and Teammate."

Itachi was silent a moment. "It's good to hear such words from a Leaf-nin again. But I'm afraid that I've ruined things, once again. In slipping my guards, I've destroyed the trust the Hokage has given me, and I suspect her trust, once broken, is not given a second time."

"Ruined things again?" Sakura repeated, eyes narrowing. "What, you mean like you ruined the situation with Sasuke? That you meant for him to stay in Konoha, to hate you so much that killing you would give him closure, to become stronger in his drive to kill you so that he wouldn't require your protection anymore? You think it was your failing that it didn't go as planned? You idiot. You might be one of the strongest shinobi to ever grace the ranks of Konoha's forces, but you aren't a damn god. You would've had to have been omniscient to have foreseen everything that happened. You can't guess at the action, reactions, and spontaneity of all the players in this game. It's impossible; there are too many variables. And people don't always act logically."

Itachi turned his face away, hiding the expression of complete disbelief. But Sakura sighed anyway, and said: "You're not going to believe me though, are you?"

"Forgive me," Itachi apologized, stiffly, not quite meaning it.

Sakura craned her neck around and searched his eyes with hers for a moment, then she shook her head slowly, sadly. "You don't **want** to believe me."

There was an awkward pause, and Itachi felt a twinge of remorse for the hint of sorrow in her voice. But she squared her shoulders, firmed her mouth, and lifted her chin. There was fresh determination in her face. "Fine. We'll just have to keep reminding you until you **do **believe."

"We?"

"Me, Naruto, and Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said firmly. "We're all Teammates, Itachi. We will never abandon each other."

"Teammates," he said, voice and gaze distant. His Genin Teammates had been kind to him, for the brief time that he had been with them. He had worked well with his ANBU Team, but he hadn't been with them for very long either. He had never really had Teammates that he'd connected to. He'd had teammates, but not Teammates. They worked together, and were cordial. But they didn't have the kind of bonds Team Seven seemed to have.

"Yes," Sakura affirmed, looking almost angry. She must have thought he was questioning it.

Itachi wandered a little way away, closer to the edge of the Hokage Monument. Just over the hill of the Fourth's hair, he could see Konoha spreading out below him.

He had given his life to save this village…had given more than his life, given the lives of his family… given his humanity. He felt so empty, like he'd poured out all of himself for Konoha, for Sasuke, and now there was nothing left.

Every bond he'd had, he'd broken. He had left his Genin Team when he was promoted, breaking that bond. He'd broken the bonds of his family when he took the mission to kill them. He'd broken the close, brotherly bond he'd had with Sasuke, replacing it with hatred. And he'd broken his bond to Konoha by dying—the plan had always been for him to act as a spy outside of the village, not for him to let Sasuke kill him.

Itachi turned to Sakura, who had shadowed him and was now standing watching him look down on Konoha. "I am weary," he told her. "The relief that death offers is a siren's song in my ears."

"But—" she started.

"But Sasuke traded places with me to give me a second chance at life," Itachi interrupted her. "And I will respect his sacrifice. And…"

He paused and looked her in the face. Her chin was set with determination, and there was worry in her eyes. He said, with a sense of wonder: "You call me comrade, Teammate. You try to persuade me to live."

Sakura's expression tightened a little in increasing worry. But when she opened her mouth, Itachi lifted a hand to still her.

"There is a bond that exists between us. Tenuous as it is. We have shared danger, and protected each other. I would even presume to say that you trust me, some little bit."

"You saved my life," Sakura murmured. "More than once. Yes, I trust you."

"I will live," Itachi said, "because you ask. In recognition of this bond."

Relief washed Sakura's expression clean, but then her brow furrowed anew as she processed his words. "You're going to live because I asked you not to commit suicide? That's it?"

"I cannot say I've been persuaded that I deserve it. I cannot say that I want to live. But Sasuke has given this life to me, and if what you say is true, there are people who want me to keep it," Itachi said. "All my life I have had to break the bonds that tied me to others. I was always alone. There is… perhaps a part of me that wishes to stay a part of Team Seven."

"Good," Sakura said, relaxing a little. "If you were just going to live because of some weird sense of obligation… It would almost be worse than you just dying. I want you to want to live for your own reasons. I want you… this is going to sound so stupid… I want you to be happy. You gave up so much for all our sakes. I want you to have happiness beyond the easy rest of death. We took your life away from you. Now I want us to give it back."

"…Thank you," Itachi said quietly. His eyes traced back to the vista, the village spread below the mountain. There was a long moment of silence.

"Maybe you'll find something to live for," Sakura spoke suddenly. Itachi turned toward her. "Maybe you don't have anything besides my weak words to keep you here now, but maybe…"

She trailed off. Itachi allowed: "Maybe."

For a moment, there was something indefinably sad in Sakura's eyes as she stared into the distance, and then she turned to him and a bright smile lit her face. The edge of it was too sharp for it to be entirely true. "Until you do, Team Seven will have to be enough."

A part of Itachi ached with the knowledge that he had been a part of putting that brittle quality in her smile. It was a part of himself that he'd never been able to silence, never been able to ignore. He was a pacifist. It had always been in his heart to heal, rather than to hurt.

So, when Sakura held out a hand and said: "Come on. I suppose we should start by trying to persuade Tsunade-shishou not to beat you bloody for your little disappearing trick." he reached out and took it.

The jagged edges of Sakura's smile softened slightly.

It was a start.


End file.
